Author: admin

Heaven and hell

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John and Bob were inseparable childhood friends . One night, they both died in
a terrible car accident. When John woke up in heaven, he began to search for Bob
but could not find him anywhere. Very distraught, he ran to St.Peter and said,
”St.Peter, I know Bob was killed in that accident with me, but I can’t find
him!” St. Peter said, ”My son, I am sorry to tell you Bob didn’t make it to
Heaven.” This upset John so much that St. Peter agreed to let him see Bob one
more time. St. Peter parted the clouds and John saw Bob sitting in hell with a
keg on one side and a beautiful buxom blonde on the other. John looked at St.
Peter skeptically and said, ”Are you sure I’m in the right place?’

”My son,” St. Peter said, “looks can be deceiving. You see that keg of beer?
It has a hole in it. You see that woman? She doesn’t!”

Bread Maker Dies

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Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.

Known to friends as Brown-n-Serve, Fresh was an avid gardener and tennis player. Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years.

Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Aunt Jemima, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Skippy. The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who “never knew how much he was kneaded.”

Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes — conned by those who buttered him up.

Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and another bun in the oven. The funeral was held at 350 for about 20 minutes.

Fruits Of Love

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A newlywed couple was spending their honeymoon in a remote log
cabin resort way up the mountains of Scotland. They had
registered on Saturday, and they had not been seen for five days.

An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting
concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds. The old man
decided to go and see if they were alright. He knocked on the
door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside answered. The old
man asked if they were okay.

“Yes, we’re fine. We’re living on the fruits of love,” came the
reply.

The old man responded, “I thought so. Would you mind not
throwing the peelings out the window? They’re choking my ducks!”

Thou Shall Not Lie

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Once there was a Sunday School teacher who taught a 8th grade class. One
day, at the end of a class, he told the students, “Next Sunday I will
teach about the sin of lying. To help you understand, I want you to read
all of Mark 17.” Then he dismissed the class. The next Sunday, he asked
“Okay, before I start my lesson, I want to know who read Mark 17.”
Everyone raised their hand. He replied, “Mark only has 16 chapters. Now I
shall continue with my lesson………….”

The new car.

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There once was a snail that wanted to buy a Nissan Z car.

So, he went to a dealership and bought a car. “But,” he said to the salesperson, “I would like my car personalized. Would it be possible to have the “Z” replaced with an “S”?” The dealer said yes, and it was done.

And, as the snail raced around the city in his brand new car, everyone would see, “Wow, look at that S-car-go.”

Deaf couple

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A deaf couple are on their honeymoon. The husband asks the wife in sign language “Honey, how would I tell you when I want to have sex?”.

The wife replies in sign language, “if you want have sex bite my right nipple once, if you don’t want to have sex bite my left nipple twice”.

Agreeing with this, the wife asks the same question to the husband.

The husband replies “Honey, if you want to have sex pull my penis once, if you don’t want to have sex pull penis 27 times”.