Author: admin

Walk on Water

Posted on by admin

Jesus and Moses were going to Bellevue from Seattle one day to
do a little shopping. Heading east, I-90 was a mess – four lanes
of bumper-to-bumper traffic, not budging. “Come with me,” Moses
said, “I think I know how to handle this.”

So they hopped out of the car and headed down to the edge of the
water. Moses raised his arms and the waters parted, and they
walked across under the bridge. “Wow, Moses,” Jesus said, “I’d
never have thought of that.”

Several hours later, loaded down with Nordstrom bags, they were
heading back to pick up their car on the other side of the
bridge. As they approached the edge of the water, Jesus said,
“Let me do it this time.” He set his packages down, took a
breath, and began walking across the surface of the water. About
50 feet out, though, he suddenly sunk!

He swam back to shore, spluttering and frustrated. “Jesus,”
Moses began, “I think…”

Jesus shook his head impatiently. “I can do this,” he muttered
to himself. “I’ve done it before.” He turned around and headed
out across the water again, this time only making it about 20
feet before he sank a second time. He splashed back up on shore,
shaking his head. “I don’t understand. This time, it has to
work.” He turned to start across again.

“Jesus,” Moses interrupted, “I don’t know how to tell you this,
but there’s just no way you’re going to walk on water with those
holes in your feet.”

Beckham’s Puzzle

Posted on by admin

Alex Ferguson is at Old Trafford with the whole of the
Manchester United Football Team watching them train, when he
realizes that golden boy David Beckham is absent. He takes out
his mobile phone and calls the Beckhams at home.

David – “Hello”.

Alex – “David, where the hell are you? Training started 10
minutes ago!”

David – “I’m sorry boss, but me and Victoria were doing this
jigsaw puzzle with Brooklyn and we’ve gotten completely stuck.
Brooklyn will be so upset if we can’t finish it!”

Alex – “Look, I want you here within half an hour okay?”

An hour goes by – no David. Alex rings him again.

David – “Hello”.

Alex – “I told you I wanted you here 30 minutes ago, what’s
going on? We’ve got an important match on Saturday!”

David – “I’m so sorry boss, but we still can’t get this jigsaw
done. It’s supposed to be a picture of a Tiger, and it looks so
cute on the box…but we just can’t fit it together. I’m afraid
Brooklyn’s starting to get really upset.”

Alex – “For God’s sake just get here now.”

An hour goes by – still no David. Alex is furious by now and
calls David again.

David – “Hello”.

Alex – “Get your backside over here right now, or I’ll fine you
a months’ wages.”

David – “Oh boss I do want to come, but this jigsaw still isn’t
complete. Victoria is in tears and Brooklyn is screaming blue
murder…I just can’t leave.”

Alex – “For Christ’s sake David, if I come over and finish the
bloody thing for you will you PLEASE come to training”.

David – “Yeah, that would be great”.

So Alex gets into his car and speeds over to the Beckham
residence. He knocks on the door and an agitated David answers.

David – “Thank God it’s you boss, come in. We’re in the kitchen.”

Alex follows David through to the kitchen where he finds
Brooklyn on his mother’s lap. Victoria is sat hunched over the
kitchen table brow furrowed in concentration. David joins her.
Alex approaches the kitchen table and takes a look.

Alex (sighs) – “For God’s sake David, clear those Frosties off
the table and back into the box and let’s go!”

Political Hunting

Posted on by admin

Clinton and Al Gore went hunting one day. As they were driving, Gore saw this huge bull deer. He said to Clinton: “Hey look at that one!”

Clinton replied “Keep going.”

Next they came to a giant buck deer with a humongus rack, gore Gore said “What about that one Mr. President?”

Clinton replied “Keep going.”

So a little while later, as they were driving, Clinton spots this poor pitiful looking doe on the side of the road. Clinton shouts: STOP THE CAR!!! STOP THE CAR!!

So the driver stops the car… Clinton jumps out, and grabbing his rifle, shoots the poor thing deader than a doorknob. Gore hops out behind Clinton,and glances at the dead thing, then asks clinton; Why did you kill it?!

Clinton replied: “you ought to know me by now, I always pass the buck, and go for the doe.”

You Know Your Postal Carrier Is Working Too Hard W

Posted on by admin

…Announces he just married a sheet of Marilyn Monroe stamps.
…It’s been over three weeks since he cleaned his gun.
…Delivers the mail wearing nothing but bubble wrap.
…His new system: reach into the bag and whatever you can grab is yours!
…Just sits on the curb, tearing pages out of “Victoria’s Secret” catalogue
and eating them.
…He’s been leaving most of the driving to his pet monkey, Lanaugh.
…Claims he’s Elmo; demands that you tickle him.