What do Britney Spears and a computer have in common?
Their both cheap, white, and plastic….
Author: admin
Grading of Final Exams
Here is a list of the ways professors here at the American University grade their final exams:
Dept Of Statistics:
All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.
Dept Of Psychology:
Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.
Dept Of History:
All students get the same grade they got last year.
Dept Of Religion:
Grade is determined by God.
Dept Of Philosophy:
What is a grade?
Law School:
Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.
Dept Of Mathematics:
Grades are variable.
Dept Of Logic:
If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.
Dept Of Computer Science:
Random number generator determines grade.
Music Department:
Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note ( and – would be sharp and flat respectively).
Dept Of Physical Education:
Everybody gets an A
The Granny Shag Inquiry.
Q: What is blue and shags old ladys?
A: Me in my lucky blue overcoat.
The sosage!
The was a young woman who lived by herself in a cabin, in the
middle of the woods! There was three men stranded in the woods,
when they came across a cabin in the woods which belonged to the
young woman!The woman put a sosage in a hole in the floor! Every
night after she got home from a hard day at work, she would get
down on the floor and start fucking it for about an hour each
night!
One day, before the young the young woman got home from work,
one of the stranded men went under her cabin, and took out the
sosage and put his dick up the hole instead! When the woman got
home, she got down and started fucking it!! The other two
stranded men went and knock at the door!! She got up off the
floor, pulled up her panties, and put down her skirt, and kicked
it under the frig, and answered the door!!
Shy guy in bar
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?” To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!” Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.” To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean $200 for a blowjob?”
He retaliated first!
In the heat of the game, one of the players threw a vicious punch the victim
was all set to get -stuck into him when the referee rushed up and held him back.
‘Now then, O’Hara! You know you mustn’t retaliate!’
‘Come on ref!’ said O’Hara. ‘He retaliated first!’
Before It Starts
A man comes home from work, sits in his lazyboy in front of the TV and rudely tells his wife,
“Gimme a beer before it starts”.
She gives him his beer.
About 15 minutes later, he says again, “Gimme a beer before it starts”.
She does.
A few minutes later, he asks again for a beer.
The wife says, “Don’t you think you’re drinking too much beer? It hasn’t been half an hour that you got here and you’ve already had two beers. I’m getting fed up with this.”
The husband looks up and mumbles, “Now it starts.”
What color coffee?
Waiter : “Would you like your coffee black?”
Customer : “What other colours do you have?”
Submitted by sai1ram
Edited by Calamjo
Alzheimers
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!
Un individuo burl�n y majadero
Un individuo burl�n y majadero llega a la iglesia; se dirige al bondadoso y anciano sacerdote y, con tono de reto, dice:
“Lo que afirma el G�nesis es una vil mentira, padre. No pretender� usted que yo crea que todos los hombres del mundo somos hijos de Eva”.
“Naturalmente que no, hijo m�o. Y tienes raz�n: la historia que narra el G�nesis esta incompleta. Lo que realmente sucedi� es que el Se�or, antes de hacer a Eva, hizo a otra mujer. Pero el barro con el que la form� estaba manchado y, al cocerlo, esa primera mujer sali� tiznada. Entonces, se le ocurri� a Dios otra idea: en vez de hacer a Eva de barro, la sac� de una costilla del hombre. Por eso existen dos clases de hombres: yo soy un hijo de Eva y t� un hijo de la tiznada”.
Dos tribus peleaban desde hac�a
Dos tribus peleaban desde hac�a muchos a�os y una de ellas siempre resultaba masacrada. Un misionero decidi� ayudar a la tribu m�s d�bil.
“Buenos d�as, Gran Jefe. Te voy a explicar como ganar cuando uno es el m�s d�bil.”
El misionero puso la mano contra un muro y dijo: “�Golpea!”
Tras dudarlo un momento, el Jefe se decidi� y envi� un violento golpe. El explorador retir� rapidamente la mano y el pu�o del Jefe se estrell� contra el muro. El Jefe se retorci� un buen rato del dolor.
“�Ves! �Con esta estrategia puedes vencer a tus enemigos!”
El Jefe entendi� la lecci�n y convoc� a todos sus guerreros.
“Esc�chenme,” les dijo. “Tengo una estrategia secreta para vencer a nuestros enemigos.”
“�Cu�l es esa estrategia?” le preguntaron todos.
El Jefe se puso la mano delante de la cara y les dijo: “�Golpeen!”
Redneck quickies 36
You might be a redneck if…You see a sign that says “bridge out” and you try to jump it. You go to your local pet shop for a cat scan. Warp drive describes the condition of your car. Your smoke detector doubles as your dinner bell. You go to the dentist for a “Tooth Cleaning”. You pull up to a gas station in a limo to buy a can of Skoal. Your boyfriend gives you car parts for your birthday and you like it. Coons get into everyone else’s trash but yours. When you say, “Let’s hit the hay,” you actually MEAN it. You can feed a family of five on ONE McDonald’s Extra Value Meal. Your kids LIKE the Arch Deluxe hamburger at McDonalds. You have a clawfoot bathtub.You’ve ever been arrested for bootleggin’. You spell out NASCAR in Christmas lights. Your idea of good fishing involves the use of a boat, a net and dynamite. Burger King won’t let you do it your way, right away. You can remember the entire NASCAR series schedule but can’t remember your wife�s birthday, kids birthday, or anniversary. You can remember every NASCAR driver and their car number but can’t remember how old your children are.Your idea of going to see a play involves goal posts. You think a computer hacker carries an axe.