After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers.”I’m busy,” he said, “I’ll do the next one.”The next time came around and she asked again.The husband looked puzzled, “Oh! I didn’t mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby!”
Author: admin
Why do men…
Why do men drive like they shag?
Because they never check to see if anyone else is cummin b4 they pull out
Q: How does every ethnic joke start?…
Q: How does every ethnic joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.
Blind Date’s Underwear
The blind date hadn’t been all that great and she was relieved the evening was finally over. At her apartment door, he suddenly said “Hey! You wanna see my underwear?”Before she could respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in the hall, revealing he wasn’t wearing any.She glanced down and said, “Nice design, does it also come in men’s sizes?”
Tired and Overworked
For a couple years I’ve been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason:
I’m tired because I’m overworked!
The population of this country is 237 million.
104 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And YOU are sitting at your computer reading jokes…
What do get when you cross a refrigerator…
What do get when you cross a refrigerator with a stero?
Cool music.
You’re in big trouble
I JUST KNEW I WAS IN BIG TROUBLE AT WORK WHEN…
…the new policy on sexual harassment included a photo of me.
…the Security guard made a complete inventory of my work area.
…my assistant began responding to my memos with, “Yeah, whatever.”
…I got a “It’s for you loser” wav receiving e-mail, & not a chime.
…my new Pentium was replaced with an 386sx-16 last weekend.
…the Human Resources Dept requested an update of my arrest record.
…the Boss asked if I still had a copy of my 5 year contract.
…I noticed co-workers measuring my office when I arrived at work.
…my parking spot was relocated next to the dumpster.
…my secretary sez things like “Get the phone, my nails aren’t dry.”
…three people began helping me write a “desk manual” for my job.
…the LAN suddenly began backing-up my computer every 10 minutes.
…a large paper recycling box was placed next to my file cabinets.
…the receptionist began saying “Who ???” to anyone calling on me.
Mike Tyson retires
Mike Tyson has retired from boxing.
He finishes with a record of 50 wins, 6 losses, 21 felonies and 79 misdemeanors.
Dressing Up to Go Out
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed.
Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, “Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I’ve got a splitting headache.”
“Certainly, honey,” he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.
As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, “Say,” said the druggist, “I know you – aren’t you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?”
“Yeah, so?” said the officer.
“Well what the heck are you doing all dressed like the Fire Chief?”
Manolo era estudiante de agricultura
Manolo era estudiante de agricultura y empez� a trabajar como aprendiz de un viejo granjero. El primer d�a se�al� un campo donde el grano maduraba al sol y le dijo al granjero:
“Sus t�cnicas son in�tiles. Yo no creo que ni un saco de ma�z saque de ese terreno”.
“Yo tampoco lo creo”, repuso el granjero, “�eso es centeno, idiota!”
Blonde
how can you tell a blonde has been at a coputer?
there is whiteout all over the screen
Turning it off
A little old lady with blue hair enters a sex shop and asks in a quivering voice, “Y-y-young man, d-d-do y-you s-sell d-d-dildos h-here?”
The salesman, somewhat taken aback by the little old lady�s appearance in his shop, says, “Uh, yes, ma�am, we do.”
The little old lady, holding her quivering hands about 10 inches apart, asks, “D-do y-you have any ab-b-bout th-this l-long?”
“Yes, ma�am, we do. We have several that come in that size.”
Forming her shaking fingers into a five-inch circle, she then asks, “A-are an-n-ny of th-them a-about thi-is
b-big ar-round-d?”
“Well . . . yes, there are a few of them that are about that big.”
“A-and d-do a-a-ny of th-them v-v-ibra-a-ate?”
“Yes, ma�am, one of them does.”
“H-how d-do y-you t-t-turn it off?”
Submitted by ���rt��
Edited by calmjo