Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
Author: admin
Smart Cape Bretoner
These three men were stranded on an island: a Nefoundlander, a Cape Bretoner
and a Quebecian. The three searched the island to try to find a way off when the
Nefoundlander came upon a lamp with a genie. The genie popped up and said, �I
will grant three wishes, so that’s one for each of you.� So the Newfoundlander
goes, �Well I wish I was back in Newfoundland.� So puff, he was sent to
Newfoundland.
Then the Quebecian jumps up and says me next me next, I know exactly want I
want. TheQuebecian says, �I would like to build a wall. I want this wall to be
1000 feet high and I want it to surround Quebec, so that nothing can get in and
nothing can get out, and I want to be in Quebec.� So the genie says okay and
builds the wall, and now Quebec is officially separate from the rest of Canada
and the Quebecian is back there.
So now the Cape Bretoner gets up and says, �Tell me more about this wall.� So
the genie tells him, �This wall is 1000 feet high and surrounds Quebec and
noting can pass in or out of Quebec.�
So the Cape Bretoner says, �Okay. Fill it with water.�
Little Johnny McCall
There was a little boy and his grandfather going fishing one day. The little boy and grandfather were sitting there and his grandfather pulled out a pack and got a chew of tobacco. The little boy said grandpa can I have some of that he grandpa asks can ur dick touch ur ass he says no his grandpa says then u can’t have any. Later on his grandpa pulls a beer out of his cooler and starts drinking it the little boy asks for some his grandpa says can ur dick touch ur ass he says no and his grandpa says u can’t have any then. It was getting late into the day and they were both getting hungry and the little boy pulls out a bag of cookies and starts eatting them his grandpa asks for one the boy asks his grandpa can ur dick touch ur ass his grandpa says sure it can the little boy says good go fuck ur self grandma made these cookies for me.
Angry Woman
A woman strode angrily into the large drug-store-cum-general-store, slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction.The clerk asked, “What’s the problem? Wouldn’t your cat eat them?” The woman’s eyes got very large, and she whispered, “Do you mean to tell me that Pussy Treats are meant for ‘cats’?”
Beer President’s Have a Beer
After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says, “Hey Senor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.” The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, “I’d like the best beer in the world, give me ‘The King Of Beers’, a Budweiser.” The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, “I’d like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors.” He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says, “Give me a Coke.” The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask “Why aren’t you drinking a Guinness?” and the Guinness president replies, “Well, I figured if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither would I.”
You can name all the
You can name all the characters from the “Dukes of Hazzard”.You recite lines from “The Dukes of Hazzard”.You keep track of all the belt holders in all the wrestling leagues.
McDonald’s Excuses for the Condom in a Big Mac
In case you missed the article, someone found a condom in a McDonald’s hamburger last month. Here’s David Letterman’s explanations.
The TopTen List: “McDonald’s Excuses for the Condom in a Big Mac” as presented 8/22/97 broadcast of the ‘Late Show with David Letterman’:
10. We were test-marketing the new “McTrojan”
9. Condom, condiment– what’s the damn difference?
8. It still tastes better than the “Arch Deluxe”
7. It was either there or in the vanilla shake
6. Turns out the rumors about Grimace and Mayor McCheese are true
5. We’re experimenting with a new, even happier “Happy Meal”
4. So what — a regular Big Mac is 60% latex anyway
3. Employees too embarrassed to say, “Would you like condoms with that?”
2. Drive-thru speaker is broken — “Coke with lots of ice” sounded like “prophylactic device”
1. When you’re serving billions and billions, you can’t be too careful!
A cat’s dictionary
Purring: Sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.
Purrverse: Poem about a strange kitty.
Purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something.
Human being: Automatic door opener for cats.
Purrpetual: Everlasting love for domesticated felines.
Purrson: A male kitty.
Perpetual motion: A kitty playing.
Door-to-door
Three door-to-door vacuum-cleaner salesmen show up at a farmhouse one afternoon and the kindly farmer agreed to buy a vacuum from each if they’ll keep their hands off his Virginal daughter while he’s at the bank getting the money. But when he gets back, he finds all three on top of his daughter. Irate, he fires a shotgun blast over their heads, marches them out to the garden and tells them each to pick TEN of any fruit or vegetable.The first salesman comes forward with ten peas. “Shove them up you ass,” orders the farmer. The second guy turns up with ten tomatoes and gets the same order. He has some trouble getting them in, especially as he keeps cracking up with laughter, but finally gets the job done. “You’re free to go,” the farmer says to him, “but do you mind if I ask what’s so damn funny?” Collapsing with laughter once again, the salesman says, “The third guy’s still out there, picking “Watermelons.”
Morris, a Russian man saves his rubles for…
Morris, a Russian man saves his rubles for twenty years to buy a new car.
After choosing the model and options he wants, he’s not the least bit
surprised or even concerned to learn that it will take two years for the
new car to be delivered. He thanks the salesman and starts to leave, but
as he reaches the door he pauses and turns back to the salesman “Do you
know which week two years from now the new car will arrive?” he asks.
The salesman checks his notes and tells the man that it will be two years
to the exact week. The man thanks the salesman and starts out again, but
upon reaching the door, he turns back again.
“Could you possibly tell me what day of the week two years from now the car
will arrive?”
The salesman, mildly annoyed, checks his notes again and says that it will
be exactly two years from this week, on Thursday.
Morris thanks the salesman and once again starts to leave. Halfway though
the door, he hesitates, turns back, and walks up to the salesman.
“I’m sorry to be so much trouble, but do you know if that will be two years
from now on Thursday in the morning, or in the afternoon?”
Visibly irritated, the salesman flips through his papers yet another time
and says sharply that it will be in the afternoon, two years from now on
Thursday.
“That’s a relief !” says Morris. “The plumber is coming that morning!”
Jenna Bush Stopped
A cop pulls Jenna Bush over for speeding and he notices her eyes are red.
He says, “Gee, your eyes look red. Have you been drinking?”
Jenna replies, “No officer, but gee, your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?
How Government Works
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said “someone may steal from it at night.” So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.
Then Congress said, “How does the watchman do his job without instruction?” So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.
Then Congress said, “How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?” So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.
Then Congress said, “How are these people going to get paid?” So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people.
Then Congress said, “Who will be accountable for all of these people?” So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.
Then Congress said, “We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost.”
So they laid off the night watchman.