Two Blondes and a Brunette visit their friends house. The two blondes jump up and down at the window and scream, but no one comes to the window? What does the brunette do?Knocks on the door!—Editor’s note: If you had to think about the joke, then don’t feel so dang dark haired about yourself.
Author: admin
What is a brunette between two blondes?
What is a brunette between two blondes? An interpreter.
I’ve never seen a woman
I’ve never seen a woman make a fool out of a man without a lot of cooperation.
One day a boy decides to get a Harley
One day a boy decides to get a harley. he didn’t want the chrome to get rusted
so he bought some vast line. he fell in love with a woman and she invited him
for dinner at her parent�s house. so he picked her up and before they went in
she told him that there is a family tradition. the first one to speak after
dinner has to do the dishes. so after dinner everyone sits in silence. the boy
had to do something so he reached over and kissed the woman. that didn’t work so
he threw her on the table and had passionate sex. since he saw that didn’t work,
he took her mother threw her on the table and had more passionate, wilder sex.
he saw that wasn’t working. he heard thunder in the distance and thought about
the chrome. so he pulled out the vaseline. the woman’s father said, “alright,
damn it. i’ll do the f****** dishes!”
In a Zurich hotel:…
In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests
of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be
used for this purpose.
Speeding Ticket
A man was speeding down a Alabama highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, “Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don’t think it’s fair – there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?”
“Ever go fishing?” the policeman suddenly asked the man.
“Ummm, yeah…” the startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added, “Did you ever catch ’em all?”
Y1K Bug
THE Y1K CRISIS
Canterbury, England. A.D. 999.
An atmosphere close to panic prevails today throughout Europe as the millennial year 1000 approaches, bringing with it the so-called “Y1K Bug,” a menace which, until recently, hardly anyone had ever heard of. Prophets of doom are warning that the entire fabric of Western Civilization, based as it now is upon monastic computations, could collapse, and that there is simply not enough time left to fix the problem.
Just how did this disaster-in-the-making ever arise? Why did no one anticipate that a change from a three-digit to a four-digit year would throw into total disarray all liturgical chants and all metrical verse in which any date is mentioned? Every formulaic hymn, prayer, ceremony and incantation dealing with dated events will have to be re-written to accommodate three extra syllables.
All tabular chronologies with three-space year columns, maintained for generations by scribes using carefully hand-ruled lines on vellum sheets, will now have to be converted to four-space columns, at enormous cost. In the meantime, the validity of every official event, from baptisms to burials, from confirmations to coronations, may be called into question.
“We should have seen it coming ,” says Brother Cedric of St. Michael Abbey, here in Canterbury. “What worries me most is that THOUSAND contains the word THOU, which occurs in nearly all our prayers, and of course always refers to God. Using it now in the name of the year will seem almost blasphemous, and is bound to cause terrible confusion. Of course, we could always use Latin, but that might be even worse — The Latin word for Thousand is Mile which is the same as the Latin for mile. We won’t know whether we are talking about time or distance!”
Stonemasons are already reported threatening to demand a proportional pay increase for having to carve an extra numeral in all dates on tombstones, cornerstones and monuments. Together with its inevitable ripple effects, this alone could plunge the hitherto-stable medieval economy into chaos.
A conference of clerics has been called at Winchester to discuss the entire issue, but doomsayers are convinced that the matter is now one of personal survival.
Show and Tell…
The teacher asked the students to bring one electrical appliance for “Show &
Tell,” and the next day every kid had something.
The teacher asks Wendy: What did you bring?
“I brought a Walkman.”
“And what is it for?”
“You can listen to music with it!”
“That’s nice Wendy. What did you bring Kenny?”
“I brought a ‘lectrical can opener, it opens cans!”
“Well done, Kenny.
Umm, Johnny, I see you didn’t bring anything!”
“Yes, I did. It’s in the hall.”
So the entire class goes into the hallway.
“Umm, Johnny, what is that?”
“It’s a heart/lung machine hospitals use to keep your heart going.”
“Whoa. What did your father say about you bringing this?”
“He said, ‘AAAARRRGGGH!!!'”
The Top 16 Things Overheard During Saddam’s Trial
16> “Let the record show that the defendant has entered a plea of ‘Not guilty by
reason of oppressive tyranny.'”
15> “Seventeen consecutive life sentences? You can do that time standing on your
head, big guy! No, really.”
14> “Mr. Hussein, could you please tell the court why this goat looks at you so
fondly?”
13> “Call Rumsfeld, he’ll vouch for me.”
12> “Speaking of WMD, either we need air conditioning in this court room or
Saddam has to quit eating prison food.”
11> “Your Honor, Mr. Hussein would like to present evidence implicating the
entire state of Florida as the true architects of the recent evil.”
10> “And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn’t for those meddling
kids and that dog!”
9> “In Iraq, we understand that torture obtains information, murder instills
fear and respect, and attempted genocide puts down rebellions — but ‘Zabibah
and the King’? A completely inexcusable offense, you vile son of a dog!”
8> “We’ll drop the charges if you’d just *please* tell us where a WMD is,
preferably right before the election.”
7> “Word is that his name around the cell block is Shirley.”
6> “Would jurors number 7 and 12 please put down the RPGs?”
5> “Well, yes, he does kinda look like Billy Joel, now that you mention it.”
4> “He was found living in a hole and has been in prison ever since, yet he
*still* looks healthier than Cheney.”
3> “I would never order the deaths of my fellow citizens. However, we did
respond in self defense after an epidemic of people charged our firing squads,
single file.”
2> “Your Honor, the soldiers who found Mr. Hussein would like to apologize to
the court for not shooting him instead.”
1> “Bail is set at ‘when monkeys fly out of my butt singing show tunes.'”
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]Ice Fishing
These two guys up north wanted to go ice fishing, so they went to a bait shop. They got some bait and two boxes of icepicks. They went up to the clerk and payed for them. After that they went to the lake. About two hours later they came back to the bait shop and bought another two boxes of icepicks. When they went to pay for them, the clerk said “Man, you must be catching a lot”. One of the guys told the clerk, “Heck no, we haven’t even got the boat in the water yet!”
Why Some Men Prefer Dating Bimbo’s
10. Much easier to prove that you’re superior.
9. Less likely to interrupt you with thoughts or opinions of their own.
8. Won’t want you to cancel your plans to watch nude Jell-O wrestling to go see “Phantom of the Opera.”
7. More impressed by the thickness of your wallet–even though it’s stuffed with condoms instead of money.
6. Will let you send intimate pictures of them to Beaver Hunt.
5. They won’t object to demeaning comments you make about them in front of ‘the guys.’
4. They actually believe you when you say, “I love you for your mind and personality — now please finish putting on that French maid outfit.
3. Don’t understand computers well enough to access your files and read what you’ve been saying about them.
2. Their ability to comprehend spatial relationships is so poor that they really do believe your definition of eight inches.
1. They will put up with you.
7 Days To Go
Bert and Mabel were a week away from their wedding day. Bert was beginning to get major stirrings so he decided to chance his arm. “Er, Mabel, as it is only a week to the big day, how’s about a quick screw?” said Bert. Mabel’s answer as expected was, “No Bert, it’s only 6 days to go, however you can have a look at your prize.”The next night Bert again pesters Mabel. Being an understanding sort, Mabel gives in and says, “It is still 5 days to go and as you’ve been a good fellow,I’ll let you have a little feel of your prize.”It only makes matters worse for Bert and by the next night he can hardly contain himself.Seeing his obvious predicament Mabel greets Bert and whispers in his ear, “I can see what your problem is but you’ve still got 4 days to go. I will however let you have a good sniff of your prize.”Not being bashful, Bert lifts Mabel’s skirts and sniffs. After a minute he comes up for air, “Mabel, do you think it will keep ’till Saturday?!?”