Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?A: She fell out of the tree.
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The Wagon
It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon-load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise.
“Hey Willis!!” the farmer yelled. “Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I’ll help you get the wagon up.”
“That’s mighty nice of you, ” Willis answered, “but I don’t think Pa would like me to.”
“Aw, come on,” the farmer insisted.
“Well okay,” the boy finally agreed, and added, “but Pa won’t like it.”
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset.”
“Don’t be foolish !” the neighbor said with a smile. “By the way, where is he?”
“Under the wagon!”
Wild Nympho
A guy sees his buddy in a bar and says, “You’re not going to believe this, but I’ve got a wild nymphomaniac in my car out in the parking lot. She’s wearing me out! Can you go out to the car and keep her busy? The dome light is off, so she won’t know you’re not me!” His friend agrees and goes out to his car.They climb into the back seat and start going at it. A few minutes later,a cop sees them and starts banging on the window, shining his flashlight inside. “What the hell do you two think you’re doing?” The guy says, “Oh, there’s nothing wrong, she’s my wife.” The cop says, “Oh, sorry, I didn’t know.” The guy says “Neither did I until you shined that light in here.”
Businessman is dying
A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, “Bill, I want you to
promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated.”
“And what,” his friend asked, “do you want me to do with your ashes?”
The businessman said, “Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the
Internal Revenue Service. Write on the envelope, “Now, you have everything.”
Why Sex is Like Snow…
- Why Sex is Like Snow
- The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
Ways to confuse a roommate
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.99. Hang up pictures of chickens all over the room. If your roommate eats eggs, yell at him/her and call him/her a cannibal.
Old Lady Wants It
There was this guy who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles a day. One morning as he looked into the mirror to admire his body he noticed that he was suntanned all over, with one exception, his penis, which he really decided to do something about. He went to the beach, completely undressed and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out.Two little old ladies were strolling along the beach, one using a cane. Upon seeing the thing sticking out of the sand, she began to move it around with her cane, remarking to the other old lady, “There really is no justice in the world!”The other little old lady said, “What do you mean by that?” The first old lady said, “Look at that.” When I was 20, I was curious about it.When I was 30, I enjoyed it.When I was 40, I asked for it.When I was 50, I paid for it.When I was 60, I prayed for it.When I was 70, I forgot about it.And now that I’m 80, the damn things are growing wild and I’m to old to squat
College Exam
The college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class.
He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late: those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student’s immediate family.
A smart ass student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up.
“But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?”
As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter.
When the students had finally settled down, the professor froze the young man with a glaring look.
“Well,” he responded, “I guess you’ll just have to learn to write with your other hand.”
Golf
100 years ago, 100 white people chasing a black man was called the KKK. What is it called today?The PGA
Colonel Asshole
The Sergeant had a Colonel who was an absolute ass. So before the next inspection, the Sergeant cleaned the toilet in the barracks very carefully, and then floated a dab of peanut butter on a piece of toilet paper.The Colonel proceeded with inspection, came to the toilet and screamed, “Sergeant that Looks Like SHIT”.The Sergeant leaned carefully over the toilet, inhaled and said well maybe…. then leaned over picked up the peanut butter and put it in his mouth and said, “Colonel, you’re right because it does indeed TASTE like shit”.
The Top 16 Movies Starring Dogs (Part II)
16> Eddie and the Schnauzers
15> The Lord of the Ringworm: The Return of King
14> Fetch (starring Chevy Chaser)
13> Gimme Sheltie
12> The Manchurian Kennel-Date
11> Rugspotting
10> Coyote Unhumpable
9> O Brother, Where Art Thy Testicles?
8> Fetchstick Men
7> Bite Club
6> MyTricks: Revolutions
5> Spay Misty for Me
4> A Leash of Their Own
3> Hounddog Day
2> Looking for Mr. Goodbutt
1> Carface
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
If you cannot dazzle them
If you cannot dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with lies.