Author: admin

Operate!

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Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.
The first one said, “I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside is numbered”.

“I think librarians are the easiest” said the second surgeon. “When you open them up all their organs are alphabetically ordered”.

The third surgeon said, “I prefer to operate on electricians. All their organs are color coded”.

The fourth one said, “I like to operate on lawyers. They are heartless,spineless, gutless, and their head and their ass are interchangeable.”

The United States government had just completed…

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The United States government had just completed an exhaustive study to
find out what purpose the head of a man’s penis
served. After three years and almost 2 million dollars, they agreed that
it was to give the woman more pleasure.

Germany, finding out about the survey and not wishing to be left out,
spent 18 months and $450,000.00 and decided that the
head of a man’s penis served to give the man more pleasure.

Poland, refusing to be outdone, conducted their own survey. After three
weeks and $29.50, they determined that it was to
keep Stash’s hand from sliding off and hitting him in the forehead.

10 Things to do Online

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1. Answer a porno ad and say i would like the full package.

2. Talk to somebody and pretend to be gay.

3. Go into a chat room and “come out” see how many IM’s you get.

4. Go into a gay chat room and ask in Snooky is there. See what
happens.

5. Shop online at a bunch of stores, then call each company to
return the items becaue they send the wronge item. see how many
of them let you keep the item. and if they sned you what you say
you requested.

6. Go to the Victoria Secret web site and satre for hours.

7. E-mail some redskin fans and ask if the know where you left
yourcowboys hat.

8. Send warnings to all your friends. watch them get kicked off.

9. Try to sell smack online.

10. Try not to get caught doing any of this.

The Coffin

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It was about 2:00 A.M, and a man had just left the bar and was
walking home when he heard steady footsteps behind him. Being a
little nervous, the man began to walk quicker…so the did
footsteps. The man turned around and saw a coffin following
him. He quickened his pace more…and so did the coffin. The
man was now terrified and started to run home. He looked to see
if the coffin was still behind him, and it was. The man was
only a few yards from his front door. When he got to the door,
he opened it, slammed it and locked it. He stood back to look
at the door, not knowing what else to do. The coffin began to
knock on the door forcefully, and all of a sudden, the coffin
broke the door down and came after the man. The man ran
upstairs into the bathroom, slammed and locked the door. The
coffin broke through that door and began opening and shutting
it’s lid at the man. The man looked for something to defend
himself, so he opened the medecine cabinet. The only thing he
could find was a bottle of cough syrup, so he threw it inside
the coffin. The coffin stopped.

I can’t breathe without that

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A blonde goes into the beauty and hair parlor with her walkman on her head.”I need to take that walkman off your head,” says the beauty specialist as she notices the blonde.”You can’t! I’ll die!” retorts the blonde.”I can’t cut your hair with the walkman on your ears!” says the beauty specialist getting annoyed.”I said you can’t take it off, or I’ll die!”The beauty specialist, outraged and flustered, grabs the walkman and throws it off the head of the blonde. Within seconds, the blonde dies. When the specialist picks up the walkman to listen, she hears it repeating “breath in, breath out, breath in”.

Harbor ferry

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A depressed young blonde was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the harbor.

When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said:
‘Look, you’ve got a lot to live for. I’m off to Europe in the morning, and if you like I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll take good care of you and bring you food every day.’
Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added,
‘I’ll keep you happy, and you’ll keep me happy.’

The blonde nodded ‘Yes.’ After all, what did she have to lose?

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat.

From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine search, the captain discovered her.

‘What are you doing here?’ the captain asked.

‘I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,’ she explained, ‘He’s taking me to Europe, and he’s screwing me.’

‘He sure is, lady,’ said the captain. ‘This is the harbor ferry.’