There are 10 blondes and 1 red-head. They were going bungi jumping and they all were holding one bungi rope. So the red-head says ” i am just going to let go because we are going to fall anyways. So the blondes start clapping.
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Yo mamas armpits
yo mamas armpits stink SO bad secret snitched on her,she made sure confused,she made right guard go left,and speed stick slow da hell down!
You’ve ever re-used a paper
You’ve ever re-used a paper plate.Smith and Wesson attended your wedding without an invitation and there was nothing you could do about it.When you hear someone talking about the king you don’t know whether they’re talking about Elvis or Richard Petty.
Roman
What do you call a Roman with a pubic hair stuck in his teeth?
A Glad-he-ate-her.
Death In The Family
One day, a blonde’s neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened.
The blonde said that her mother had passed away.
The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left.
The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again.
She asked her why she was crying this time.
The blonde said, “I just got off of the phone with my sister. Her mother died too!”
Top10 reasons trick-or-treating is better than sex!
THE Top Ten Reasons Trick-Or-Treating Is Better Than Sex:
10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gave it to you.
6. Person you’re with doesn’t fantasize you’re someone else.
5. If you get a stomach ache, it won’t last 9 months.
4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you’re kinky.
3. Doesn’t matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the next morning. …
and the number one reason trick-or-treating is better than sex ….
1. IF YOU DON’T GET WHAT YOU WANT, YOU CAN ALWAYS GO NEXT DOOR!
Did you hear about the guy who got his vasectomy…
Did you hear about the guy who got his vasectomy done at Sears?
-Every time he gets a hard-on, the garage door goes up.
Medicinal Viagra
An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist asked ”How many?”
The man replied, ”Just a few, maybe a half dozen, I cut each one into four pieces.”
The pharmacist said, ”That’s too small a dose. That won’t get you through sex.”
The old fellow said, ”Oh, I’m past eighty years old, and I don’t even think about sex anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t pee on my shoes.”
New Bumper stickers
- I’m a corporate executive — I keep things from happening.
- If Clinton is the answer, it was a stupid question.
- Lobotomies for Democrats: It’s the law.
- Bad Cop! No donut!
- Where are we going and why am I in this hand basket?
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- On the other hand, you have different fingers.
- Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse?
- I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
- When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
- Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.
- Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
- I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
- He’s not dead — He’s electroencephalographically challenged.
- She’s always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
- You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
- I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
- Honk if you love peace and quiet.
- Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
- Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
- A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Dinner time
one day sophie went home and was extroadinarily hungry.
she approaches her mum and says
mum whats for dinner
her mum slaps her foot on the table and says
corn.
Little Johnny’s Bike
Well, little Johnny was going to his room, when he saw his sister in her room laying on her bed naked, feeling her self, saying “A man, I want A man I need a man!”
Little Johnny just walked by later, he passed her room again, and saw a man an top of his sister. He thought and ran to his room, got naked, laid on his bed feeling himself and said “a bike, I want a bike…”
A closed mouth gathers no
A closed mouth gathers no foot.