2 black ski masks– $38
sufficient ammo—- $145
2 black trenchcoats $217
Seeing the expressions on your classmate’s face before you blow it
off–$priceless$
There are some things money can’t buy. For everything else, there’s
MasterCard.
Author: admin
Knickers Riddle
Q: How many animals can you fit into a pair of knickers?A: 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 ass, 1 beaver, an unknown number of hares, and a fish no one can find
The Texan
A Texan lands in Sydney, and is picked up by a taxi. After requesting a tour of the city, he starts into a tirade about the small town airport and how in Texas they have larger runways on their ranches… They are soon crossing the Sydney Harbor bridge, and the man is further unimpressed – “I have a duck pond bigger than that harbor, and an ornamental bridge to span it that makes this look like a toy”.
The Sydney-Newcastle expressway also gets his scorn “Is this a road, or a track?”
So when a kangaroo jumped out in front of the cab, causing the sudden and severe application of the brakes, the driver couldn’t help himself – “Stupid grass hoppers!”
Randy Mouse
One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to discover a female cat being raped by a mouse.Fascinated by what he saw, the man gained the mouse’s confidence with some cheese and then took him next door. The mouse repeated his amazing performance by raping a German Shepherd.The man, very excited by this, was dying to show someone his discovery. He rushed home and woke up his wife but before he could explain, she saw the mouse, screamed, and covered her head with the blanket.”Don’t be afraid, darling,” said the man. “Wait until I tell you about this.””Get out of here!” cried his wife. “And take that sex maniac with you!”
Your so ugly
your so ugly your mama had to feed you with a sling shot!
It’s only fair that the government is now…
It’s only fair that the government is now protecting senior citizens
against catastrophic illness. Sometimes just realizing you’re a senior
citizen is catastrophic enough.
Whats wrong
A mother ask a son whats wrong and the boy said every thing! then the mother said well what did everything do to u? the boy said everything
Bathroom Joke
Q. If you’re American in the kitchen, what are you in the bathroom?
A. European.
Clinton’s office
Q:What do you call Bill Clinton’s Office? A:The Oral Office. By Chad Zimmermann
Pig in a bar
A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and
says, ��why did you have to bring the pig in with you?”
Then the lady answered, ”Excuse me, I think this is a goose.”
And the bartender says, ”Excuse me, I was talking to the goose.”
Arkansas Couple
After having their 10th child, an Arkansas couple decided that that was enough. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn’t want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor told the man that he was to go home, get a cherry bomb, put it in a can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The Arky said to the doctor “I may not be the smartest man, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a can next to my ear is going to help me.”
So the couple drove to Missouri to get a second opinion. The doctor was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed they were from Arkansas. This doctor also told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, place it in a tin can, hold it next to his ear and count to 10.
Figuring that both doctors couldn’t be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count, “1, 2, 3, 4, 5…” at which point he paused, placed the can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.
Things To Do In A Public Toilet
1. Comment “Pooh, who did that?”
2. Complement people on their shoes.
3. Introduce yourself to the person in the next stall. Strike up a conversation.
4. Provide ‘strenuous’ sound-effects.
5. Ask the person in the next stall if there’s anything swimming in THEIR bowl…..
6. Discuss the pros and cons of laxatives.
7. Scream ” Oh my GOD! What the hell is THAT?”
8. Simulate a drug deal.
9. Pretend to fall in (with appropriate sound effects).
10. Roll Easter Eggs under the doors.
11. Start a sing-a-long.
12. Act schizophrenically.
13. Knock on the doors of occupied stalls and ask if there is anyone in there. If so, ask if they are busy….
14. Masquerade as a door-to-door salesman.
15. Ask loudly “When does the movie start?”
16. Write ‘nerdy’ graffitti like “Please wash your hands. Thank you.”
17. Kick in stall doors, camera in hand.
18. Pour water over the stall door onto occupant.
19. Say “Oops…. missed” while syringing water out around the bowl and under the walls and door into other stalls.
20. Fake an orgasm.
21. At night, switch off the lights.
22. Run around naked yelling “Where’s the fish?”
23. Collect a door charge.
24. Ask “Is there a doctor in the house?”
25. Impersonate Elvis. Be convincing.
26. Ask whether anyone can see your pet sewer rat/river python/axolotl.
27. Write essay questions on the toilet paper.
28. Put cling-film (Glad Wrap) over the toilet bowl.
29. Offer refreshments.
30. Replace rolls of toilet paper with rolls of sand paper.
31. Run in, yelling “Free Willy!”
32. Charge admission.
33. Electrify metal urinals.
34. Leave a ladle in the toilet bowl.
35. One word: GOLDFISH.
36. Make a jello in the bowl.
37. Place a sign advertising “Driver’s side airbags” as standard.
38. Remove stall doors.
39. Glue seat and cover down to bowl.
40. Place signs warning of 24 hour video surveillance.
41. Make stall doors lockable only from the OUTSIDE.
42. Put itching powder on the toilet seats.
43. Leave a fried egg floating in the bowl.
44. Replace soap in dispenser with custard.
45. Completely soak the towel in the towel dispenser, or the paper towels if available.
46. Make kitty litter trays that fit into toilet bowls. Install.
47. Replace condoms in vending machine with tampons (or vice versa).
48. In one stall, attach the toilet bowl to roof. (Advice for young players: Don’t leave the water in while you do this….)
49. Create a crime scene complete with police tape and chalk silhouette.
50. SHIT.