Author: admin

One smart ass, male student said, “What about extreme sexual exhaustion?” and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student and said, “Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write.”

What did they call the first Chinese test tube baby?

– No Fun Son

If Oracle made toasters… They’d claim their toaster was compatible with all
brands and styles of bread, but when you got it home you’d discover the Bagel
Engine was still in development, the Croissant Extension was three years away
and that, indeed, the whole appliance was just blowing smoke.
If Hewlett-Packard made toasters… They would market the Reverse Toaster,
which takes in toast and gives you regular bread.

If IBM made toasters… They would want one big toaster where people bring
bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market
for five, maybe six toasters.

If Xerox made toasters… You could toast one-sided or double-sided.
Successive slices would get lighter and lighter. The toaster would jam your
bread for you.

If Radio Shack made toasters… The staff would sell you a toaster, but not
know anything about it. Or you could buy all the parts to build your own
toaster.

If Thinking Machines made toasters… You would be able to toast 64,000 pieces
of bread at the same time.

If Cray made toasters… They would cost $16 million but would be faster than
any other single-slice toaster in the world.

If the Rand Corporation made toasters… It would be a large, perfectly smooth
and seamless black cube. Every morning there would be a piece of toast on top of
it. Their service department would have an unlisted phone number and the
blueprints for the box would be highly classified government documents. The
X-Files would have an episode about it.

If the NSA made toasters… Your toaster would have a secret trap door that
only the NSA could access in case they needed to get at your toast for reasons
of national security.

If Sony made toasters… The ToastMan, which would be barely larger than the
single piece of bread it is meant to toast, can be conveniently attached to your
belt.

If Timex made toasters… They would be cheap and small quartz-crystal wrist
toasters that take a licking and keep on toasting.

If Fisher Price made toasters… ‘Baby’s First Toaster’ would have a
hand-crank that you turn to toast the bread that pops up like a jack-in-the-box.

If Microsoft made toasters… Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you
would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn’t have to take the toaster, but you’d
still have to pay for it anyway. Toaster ’02 would weigh 15,000 pounds
(requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a
small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the
first toaster that lets you control how light or dark you want your toast to be,
and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them.
Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since
most of the good bread only works with their toasters.

If Apple made toasters… It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does,
but five years earlier.

A ladie walks in a gas station and asks fora coat hangar or some
device to open her car. The owner doesn’t hastle her and hands
her a coat hangar. the ladie thanx him and goes to her car and
starts trying to open it. Ten minutes pass then 20 minutes then
30 minutes pass and the owner gets frusterated that shes still
there and decides to go help her. He goes out and asks her what
the trouble is she replies I can’t get it. So he looks inside
the car and sees a BLONDE directing the ladie, ” a bit to the
left no wait a bit to the right hold on you almost have it”.

The country was in such a terrible state,
Parliament rose for a budget debate,
It was quite a few moments before Gordy spoke
When he did he said “Sex will cost ten quid a poke”

Whether you’re short, long, skinny or thick,
The tax will be paid on the use of your prick,
Chris Smith said “Now Gordon look here,
Will the tax still be paid for the boys who are queer ?”

Mandy arose and looked very glum,
“Will I be exempt coz I only like bum”
Gordon replied and sounded quite airy
“You’ll fucking pay double, you dirty old fairy”

Up got Hague to tremendous applause,
He grabbed Margaret Beckett, and whipped off her drawers
He straddled across her and fucked her at will
Then shouted at Gordon “Put that on your bill”

Prescott shouted “I think I’ll resign
I haven’t had pussy for a very long time
I dream every night of a big juicy crutch
But ten quid a jump is a bit fucking much”

The debate carried on, oh what a night
Many were bonking any woman in sight
The whole house was screwing, the speaker was too
And in the excitement, the dumb bill got through

So now in the bedrooms of England each night
There’s many a fanny closed up good and tight
They’re taxing our booze and taxing our smokes
And now the bastards are taxing our pokes

If ten quid a time is the price we must pay,
It’s now with ourselves we are forced to play,
So to quench our frustration, we must have a wank
For the state of our country, we have Tony to thank.

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis