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An elderly woman rushed up the stairs to the church, late for the wedding. An usher asked to see her invitation.
“I don’t have one,” she said.
“Well then, are you a friend of the groom?”
“I should say not,” snapped the woman, “I’m the bride’s mother!”
What is 3 inches wide, 8 inches long, and hangs in front of an a******?
bill clinton’s tie
Grow your own dope….
Plant a man
El marido, muy canchero, le dice a la mujer que otra vez tiene una partida de p�quer con Julio. La mina, muy podrida por los enga�os, le jura que si lo pesca en otra mentira cuando este dormido se lo corta.
El tipo jura que es inocente, pero igual espera a que la bruja se duerma para salir de trampa. Cuando vuelve, se duerme como un animal. La mujer aprovecha y con un tramontina se lo corta de un saque. La esposa, con una crisis hist�rica, a lo �nico que atina es a agarrar el auto y salir a toda velocidad a la ruta.
Cuando reacciona, decide tirar el noble pene por la ventanilla con todas sus fuerzas. Detr�s de la mina ven�an dos borrachos en un ratrejero piojoso y con tan mala suerte, que el miembro se estrella contra el parabrisas y se lo enchastra todo; el borrach�n que manejaba le comenta al otro:
“�Che, cacho, qu� pijuda que vienen las mariposas!”
** How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford?** How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.** If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
Morris complained to his friend Irving, that love making with his wife was becoming routine and boring.
“Get creative Morris. Break up the monotony.
Why don’t you try ‘playing doctor’ for an hour? That’s what I do,” said Irving.
“Sounds great,” Morris replied, “but how do you make it last for an hour?”
“That’s easy…just keep her in the waiting room for 59 minutes!”
Q: How many Spice Girls does it take to change a light bulb ?
A: They can’t sing, they can’t dance and they look awful. What makes you think they can change a light bulb?
On the first day of school, a teacher asked her class, “Who here is a Mets fan?” Every student knew that she loved the Mets, so they replied bye raising their hands, except for one girl, Rosie. The teacher asked, “Who do you like, little girl?” Rosie replied, “I’m a Yankees fan and I hate the Mets.”The teacher asked why and Rosie told her that her parents were Yankees fans, so she was too. The teacher said to the class, “So if Rosie’s parents were idiots, what would that make her?” Rosie chimed in, “A Mets fan!!!”
Yo mama so fat she has more chins than the Chinese phone book!
What do you call a nurse with dirty knees?
The head Nurse!
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.52. Send secret admirer notes on your roommate’s Email.
A drunken husband returns home in the evening. the wife was already all wet
and horny and could hardly wait for them to go to bed.
– hey, let’s do it!
– you got any booze?
– no… let’s do it.
– what? you got any booze?
– hell no! let’s do it!
– huh? you got any booze?
the wife jumps out of the bed, runs to the window, throws it open and shouts
out angrily:
– are there any he-men in this f****** building?
a window downstairs jerks open, a man’s head pops out and says:
– what, you’ve got booze?