Two opposing county chairman were sharing a rare moment together.The Democratic chairman said, “I never pass up a chance to promote the party. For example, whenever I take a cab, I give the driver a sizable tip and say, ‘Vote Democratic.'”His opponent said, “I have a better scheme, and it doesn’t cost me a nickel. I don’t give any tip at all. And when I leave, I also say, ‘Vote Democratic.'”
Author: admin
laugh twice
Me: Hey, Donna, how do you make a blonde laugh twice in a row?Donna: I dunno. How?Me: Tell her the same dumb blonde joke twice in a row.Me: Hey Donna, how do you make a blonde laugh twice in a row?
A Childs View Of A Retirement
After Christmas break, the teacher asked her small pupils how they spent their holidays.
One small boy’s reply went like this:
We always spent Christmas with Grandpa and Grandma. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarted and they moved to Arizona.
They go to a big building they call a wrecked hall. But if it was wrecked, it is fixed now. They play games there and do exercises, but they don’t do them very well.
There is a swimming pool and they go to it and just stand in the water with their hats on. I guess they don’t know how to swim. My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody cooks there. They all go to fastfood restaurants.
As you come into the park, there is a doll house with a man sitting in it. He watches all day so they can’t get out without him seeing them. They wear badges with their names on them. I guess they don’t know who they are.
My Grandma said Grandpa worked hard all his life and earned his retardment. I wish they would move back home, but I guess the man in the doll house won’t let them out.
You’re a redneck … your favorite Christmas prese
You’re a redneck if…. Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on
black velvet.
Confucious say….
Man who go to sleep with itchy butt wake up with stinky finger
Trombone joke
Q: There is a frog driving east and a trombonist walking west. What can be surmised from this?A: The frog’s probably on its way to a gig.
The holy water
three little kids went into a church to talk to god. they each asked him asked god how many sins they could cummit. he told them each that they could cummit one sin. so they went out to do their sins, the next day one came back and told god that he pulled up a womans dress, the next one said that he stole a candy bar. well the next one comes in as to be real quiet and tells god in a slight wisper “i peed in the holy water”
Job-N-Nod
The Job-N-Nod 2002, New Edition: German engineer Matthias Knigge has designed
a desk that converts into a giant pillow for all the hard-working (or
hard-slacking) office workers of the world that need a quick snooze in the
middle of their work day.
A prototype of the desk, made out of walnut, looks ordinary until a small
button is pressed underneath that activates a fan that inflates a bright orange
airbag which unfolds through an opened panel on the desktop.
Knigge hopes his “airbag table” doesn’t inspire people to work longer hours.
He thinks it’s good for people to get out of the office after a while and get a
life.
Blonde in the Mornin
What does a blonde do when she wakes up? Go home!
What does the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common?
What does the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common? They both swallowed a lot of semen.
Note on the Toilet D
Attention Children – The Bathroom Door is Closed!Please do not stand here and talk, whine, or ask questions.Wait until I get out.Yes, it is locked. I want it that way. It is not broken, and I am not trapped.I know I have left it unlocked, and even open at times, since you were born, because I was afraid some horrible tragedy might occur while I was in there, but it’s been 10 years and I want some PRIVACY.Do not ask me how long I will be. I will come out when I am done.Do not bring the phone to the bathroom door.Do not go running back to the phone yelling “She’s in the BATHROOM!”Do not begin to fight as soon as I go in.Do not stick your little fingers under the door and wiggle them. This was funny when you were two.Do not slide pennies, LEGOs, or notes under the door. Even when you were two this got a little tiresome.If you have followed me down the hall talking, and are still talking as you face this closed door, please turn around, walk away, and wait for me in another room. I will be glad to listen to you when I am done.And yes, I still love you.Mom
A life without tragedy would not be worth…
A life without tragedy would not be worth living.
– Edward Abbey