A couple is out for a drive one day and the husband is behind the wheel.
As he’s driving, he’s complaining about everything… the heat, the long
drive, the bad drivers, the country, the bad drivers in the country, etc, and
he’s driving his wife crazy at the same time with his depressing talk.
So his wife says to him, “one more complaint and I�ll cut your dick off with
my Swiss army knife�.
That got his attention, so he stopped. But about half an hour later, he starts
complaining again and before he could blink his wife pulls out her knife, slices
off his penis and throws it out the window.
Driving behind the couple’s car is a family of three…. husband, wife and
their 8 year old daughter. The penis suddenly lands on their car’s windscreen
leaving the father in an absolute panic, as he doesn’t want his daughter to see
it. So he puts the windshield wipers on to get the dick off and out of his
daughter’s view.
The daughter asks, “Daddy, what was that??”
Her father, still in a panic, replies, ” oh it was only a…uh…butterfly my
dear.”
The daughter says, “well f*** me! Did you see the size of its cock�?
Author: admin
Why are “Polish” and “polish”
Why are “Polish” and “polish” spelled the same?
– Because Webster didn’t know shit from Shinola.
What Women Say & What They Mean
Can’t we just be friends?
There is no way in hell I am going to let any part of your body
touch mine, again.
I just need some space
…without you in it.
Can you help me with my homework?
If I keep whining, the fool will do it for me.
Do I look fat in this dress?
We haven’t had a fight in a whlile.
No, pizza’s fine.
Cheap bastard.
I just don’t want a boyfriend now
I just don’t want you as a boyfriend now.
I don’t know; what do you want?
I can’t believe you don’t have anything planned.
Come here
My puppy does this too.
I like you but…
I don’t like you.
You never listen.
You never listen.
We’re moving too quickly
I am not going to sleep with you until I find out if the guy with the
convertible has a g/f.
I’ll be ready in a minute.
I AM ready, but I am going to make you wait because I know you will.
Oh, no, I will pay for myself.
I am just being nice; there is no way I am going dutch.
Oh Yes! Right there.
Well, near there; I just want to get this over with.
I’m just going out with the girls.
We are gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends.
There’s no one else.
I am doing your brother.
Size doesn’t count…
…unless I want an orgasm.
You are so nice!
You are such a wimp I could never be sexually attracted to you.
Do you love me?
Do you love me more than my husband?
Oh, these flowers are beautiful.
Can I help you spell J-E-W-E-L-R-Y?
What did you do today?
You better have a damn good reason for not calling.
We should pick it out together.
I’ll choose.
Oh, Those Darn Lawye
Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Amanpreet a $50 bet. Amanpreet agrees and they’re off. They shoot a great game. After the 8th hole, Amanpreet is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th. ”Help me find my ball. Look over there,” he says to Jon. After a few minutes, neither has any luck. Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Amanpreet secretly pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. ”I’ve found my ball!” he announces. ”After all of the years we’ve been partners and playing together,” Jon says, “you’d cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?” ”What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!””And you’re a liar, too!” Jon says. ”I’ll have you know I’ve been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!”
piggy
WHY DID THE PIGGY POOPED.
IT REALLY DIDNT POOPED ITS JUST MUD.
Dumb Robber
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn’t control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, “Give me all your money or I’ll shoot,” the man shouted, “That’s not what I said!”
Best Balls
As Mike walked into the office on Monday morning, a co- worker asked, “How was your weekend, Mike?””I played a round of golf. I hit two of my best balls,” he replied.”Tell me about it,” asked his co-worker.”Well, uhhh, I stepped on a rake.”
Sherlock the Abuser
Doctor Watson was told by Sherlock Holmes’ gardener that there was a doubtful looking schoolgirl in Holmes’ bedroom. Watson heard strange muffled sounds coming from the bedroom and, fearing that Holmes was danger, broke down the door to find Holmes and the girl indulging in a 69.”Good God Holmes!” said Watson, “What kind of a schoolgirl is this?””Elementary, my dear Watson, Elementary.”
Learn Chinese In 5 Minutes
Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes
ENGLISH PHRASE CHINESE TRANSLATION
Are you harboring a fugitive? Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me A.S.A.P. Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man Dum Gai
Small Horse Tai Ni Po Ni
Your price is too high!! No Bai Dam Thing!!
Did you go to the beach? Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a facelift Chin Tu Fat
It’s very dark in here Wai So Dim?
Has your flight been delayed? Hao Long Wei Ting?
That was an unauthorized execution. Lin Ching
I thought you were on a diet Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone. No Pah King
Do you know the lyrics to the Macarena Song? Wai Yu Sing Dum
You are not very bright Yu So Dum
I got this for free Ai No Pei
I am not guilty Wai Hang Mi?
Please, stay a while longer. Wai Go Nao?
Our meeting was scheduled for next week Wai Yu Kum Nao
They have arrived Hia Dei Kum
Stay out of sight Lei Lo
He’s cleaning his automobile Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive Hu Man Go!
Pew! does this bathroom stink! Hu Flung Dung?
Great Moments in Engineering
In an issue of Meat & Poultry magazine, editors quoted from “Feathers,” the publication of the California Poultry Industry Federation, telling the following story:
The US Federal Aviation Administration has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane’s windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies. The theory is that if the windshield doesn’t crack from the carcass impact, it’ll survive a real collision with a `ird during flight.
It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they’re developing. They borrowed FAA’s chicken launcher,loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, broke the engineer’s chair and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine’s cab.
The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly. The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation: Use a thawed chicken.
Yo mamma
yo mamma so fat that your tits are real
Redneck
If your car garage is bigger than your house then you have to be a redneck