Q. Why did the Army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?
A. They fought like animals and retained water for four days.
Author: admin
Leak
How do you know when you’re staying in a Kentucky hotel?
When you call the front desk and say “I’ve got a leak in my sink,”
And the person at the front desk says, “Go ahead.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Yo mama’s so fat… first word
Yo Mama is so fat, that her first word was oink.
An interpreter.
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.
� NEW VIRUS WARNING
�If you receive a message with a subject line of “Bad times,” delete it
immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous virus yet.
�It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any
disks that are even close to your computer (20′ range at 72 degrees Fahrenheit).
�It will recalibrate your refrigerator’s coolness setting so all your ice
cream melts and milk curdles.
�It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM
access code, and screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field
harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.
�It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother-in-law’s number.
�It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your
car radio so that you hear 1940’s hits and static while stuck in traffic.
�It will give you nightmares about circus clowns. It will replace your shampoo
with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while changing all your active verbs
to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly
change the interpretation of key sentences.
�”Bad times” will give you Dutch Elm disease.
�It will rewrite your back-up files, leave the toilet seat up and leave the
hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.
�It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows,
but also refill your skim milk with whole.
�It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is
also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
�These are just a few signs. Be very, very afraid.
Be warned.
Parking Space
An overweight business associate of mine decided it was time to shed some excess pounds. He took his new diet seriously, even changing his driving route to avoid his favourite bakery. One morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic chocolate cake. We all scolded him, but his smile remained cherubic.”This is a very special chocolate cake,” he explained.”I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window was a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed, ‘Lord, if you want me to have one of those delicious chocolate cakes, let me have a parking place directly in front of the bakery’, and sure enough,” he continued, “the eighth time around the block, there it was!”
Sitting Around
Once, Santa Clause, The Tooth Fairy, The Easter Bunny, and a
smart blonde were sitting around at dinner. There was a 100
dollar bill on the table. Guess who grabbed it first. (The
Answer is at the bottom.)
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Did ya guess? Well, it was none of them. Know why? None of them
exist!!
Q: How many Belgians does
Q: How many Belgians does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it.
What is…
what is black and white and red all the time?
Typical Sibling Banter
A little girl was overheard speaking to her older pre-teen sister. She asked her very seriously, “Would you wear shoes if you didn’t have feet?”The sister turned to the little girl and said, “What!?!” The little girl repeated, “Would you wear shoes if you didn’t have feet?” The sister said impatiently, “Of course not, what would be the point of wearing shoes if you had no feet?” The little girl said, “Then what is the point of wearing that bra?”
One more reindeer riddle
You’ll want to see the Reindeer Riddles before this one…
Q: What do you call a blind, legless reindeer with no balls?
A: Still no fucking eye deer
(And for the phonetically challenged: “Still, no fucking idea” as in he’s not moving, and he sure as hell ain’t fucking…)
Let me think
A girl came back home from the school and asked her grandmother, “Granny, what
is a lover?”
“A lover?” the grandmother said. “Let me think. Lov…. Lover…. Oh, my God!”
She rushed to the wall, pulled aside the hanging rug, revealing a hidden closet
door. She unlocked the door, and a skeleton of a young man fell out from the
closet.