Author: admin

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight
around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to
place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark
saying, “Jesus is watching you.”

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and
froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head,
promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked
the light back on and began searching for more valuables.  Just as
he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as
a bell he heard, “Jesus is watching you.”

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the
source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his
flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.  “Did you say that?” He
hissed at the parrot.

“Yep,” the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn
you.”

The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?”

“Moses,” replied the bird. 

“Moses?” the burglar laughed. “What kind of stupid people would name
a parrot Moses?”

The bird promptly answered, “Probably the same kind of people that
would name a Rotweiller “Jesus”!

A married man is shopping in a mall for a christmas present for
his wife because he had forgotten to buy it until the day
arrived. He walks into a pet store to get a unique and unusual
present for his wife. He looks through the categories of
animals, but can’t find anything, so he asks an assistant if
there is anything unique in the store because he needs to find
something quick. The assistant thinks for awhile then says,”yes,
we have a parrot that can sing christmas carols.” The man
becomes ecstatic about this and asks the assistant to show him
the parrot. As he is shown the parrot, the assistant tells him
that the parrot’s name is Chet and the parrot will only sing if
you warm up his feet with a match. So the assistant pulls out a
match and lights it, he then puts it under the parrots foot.
This causes the parrot to sing “Jingle bells”, and the man say,”
Wow, i’ve never seen anything like this.” The man then asks if
the parrot can sing anything else. The assistant puts the match
under Chet’s left foot. Chet then sings “silent night”. The man
is amazed and buys Chet. He takes Chet home and shows his wife
everything that it can do, and she’s amazed. The wife asks what
would happen if they put the match between Chet’s legs. He
replies,” I don’t know, lets try it.” Without saying more they
light a match and put it between Chet’s legs. Then Chet clears
his throat and starts singing, Chet’s nuts roasting on an open
fire…………..