Knock KnockWho’s there?Lucinda!Lucinda who?Lucinda in the sky with diamonds…!
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Jaimito ten�a varias semanas insisti�ndole
Jaimito ten�a varias semanas insisti�ndole al pap� para que lo llevara al zool�gico.
“Pap�, �cu�ndo me vas a llevar al zool�gico?”
“Pronto, hijo, pronto”, le respond�a con cierta apat�a el padre.
A Jaimito no le qued� m�s remedio que acusarlo con la mam�. �sta se dirigi� al padre:
“Tienes que llevar a Jaimito al zool�gico, recuerda el trabajo que tiene que entregar para fin de a�o. Al tipo no le queda m�s remedio que llevarlo. Un mes despu�s, la maestra le pregunta a Jaimito en referencia al trabajo del zool�gico:
“Jaimito, no entiendo esta frase en tu trabajo: Entonces mi pap� se puso muy contento cuando uno de los animales del zool�gico gan� y pag� 30 a 1”.
Rumor
The first ladies of UK, Japan and France were having a meeting with Lady
Hilary Clinton. The subject of discussion was the penis of their respective
spouse.
The first lady of UK says, “It is like a gentle man- it stands up, as soon as
I enter the room”
The lady from Japan says, “It is like an army officer- you do not know where
he will attack from- front or back…�
The French lady says, “It is like the screen in the auditorium- once the act
is performed, it drops down…”
Then Hilary says, “It’s like a rumor… it moves from one mouth to another…”
Burglar
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Burglar!
Burglar who?
Burglar, I come to rob your house.
Bear and Squirrel
Deep in the woods sat a bear and a squirrel at the communal latrine. “Hmmm” says the bear to the squirrel, “Do you find that shit tends to stick to your fur?”
“Yes it does” replies the squirrel.
“Great!” says the bear, and wipes his ass with the squirrel.
Giving Up Sex
An eighty-year-old man was having an annual physical. As the doctor was listening to his heart with the stethoscope, he began muttering, “Oh oh!”
The man asked the doctor what the problem was.
“Well,” said the doc, “you have a serious heart murmur. Do you smoke?”
“No,” replied the man.
“Do you drink in excess?
“No,” replied the man.
“Do you have a sex life?”
“Yes, I do!”
“Well,” said the doc, “I’m afraid with this heart murmur, you’ll have to give up half your sex life.”
Looking perplexed, the old man said, “Which half – the looking or the thinking?”
Sssplaaassshhh!!!
Your momma so fat.That when she jumped into the ocean. She caused a global flooding.
Question and answer Clinton joke
Q: Why did Bill Clinton cross the road?A: To tax the chicken.
Preventive medicine belief
Mary: My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor.Doctor: Oh, really?Mary: Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her take it!
You might be a Republican if…
You’ve ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.
Pin-headed
“Did you hear? Lament’s getting’ a Ph.D.”
“What does Ph.D. stand for?”
“in his case, Pin-headed Dope.”
Alabama State Troope
Two buddies were speeding through the great state of Alabama when to their surprise, out pops a state trooper and pulls them over. The state trooper approaches the driver side of the vehicle and taps on the window. The driver rows the window down. The state trooper smacks him on the back of the head and ask for license and registration. The trooper then proceeds to write him a ticket and has the driver sign it. But, just before leaving, the trooper walks around to the passenger side of the vehicle and taps on the window. The passenger rows the window and smack the trooper goes upside his head. The passenger says, “What was that for?”The trooper says, “Just making all your dreams come true!” The passenger confused and dazed says, what? Trooper replies, when you get down the road there a ways you’re going to say to your buddy,”I wish he would have tried that shit with me!”