A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart’s birthday, as they had not been dating very long. After careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note… romantic, but not too personal.Accompanied by his sweetheart’s younger sister, he went to Sears and bought a pair of white gloves.The younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties.Without checking the contents, he sealed the package and mailed it to his sweetheart along with this note:Darling, I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears short ones that are easy to remove.These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled; I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.I wish I was there to put them on you for the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.All my love, JimmieP.S. – The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.
Author: admin
Dont Do That
1. A guy walks into a doctors office and says, doc, it hurts
every time I move my arm like this. The doctor says, dont move
your arm like that.
You So Ugly
U so dumb u thought a quarter was a dollar
Driving Offence
A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer. The following exchange takes place….
The man says “What’s the problem officer?”
Officer: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man: No sir, I was going 65.
Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going 80. [Man gives his wife a dirty look.]
Officer: I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn’t know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you’ve known about that tail light for weeks. [Man gives his wife another dirty look.]
Officer: I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt. Man turns to his wife and yells: “Shut your damn mouth!”
Officer turns to the woman and asks, “Ma’am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?”
Wife says: “No, only when he’s drunk.”
Knock Knock 186
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Vic!
Vic who?
Vic a card, any card!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Viola!
Viola who?
Viola sudden don’t you know me?
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Violet!
Violet who?
Violet the cat out of the bag!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Virtue!
Virtue who?
Virtue get those big blue eyes!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Viscount!
Viscount who?
Viscount you behave!
To err is human; to
To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.
A quote on marriage
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. — Agatha Christie
THE HANDS OF TIME
The rules at a particular university were such that if the professor were not
present in the classroom by 15 minutes past the hour, the class was considered a
“walk” and the students were free to leave, with no penalties for missing a
class. The rooms were equipped with the type wall clocks which “jumped” ahead
each minute, in a very noticeable fashion. As it were, these clocks were also
not of the most sophisticated construction. Some enterprising student discovered
that if one were to hit the clock with chalkboard erasers, it would cause the
clock to “jump” ahead 1 minute.
So, it became almost daily practice for these students to take target practice
at the clock (as it would have it, this particular professor was not the most
punctual, and the students considered him severely “absent-minded”). A few well
aimed erasers, and lo, 15 minutes were passed, and class dismissed itself.
Well, when the day for the next exam rolled around, the professor strolled
into the room, passed out the exams, and told them, “You have 1 hour to complete
the exam.”
The professor then proceeded to collect the erasers from around the room,
gleefully took aim at the clock. When he had successfully “jumped” the clock
forward 1 hour, he closed the class and collected the exam papers.
Life does teach some lessons the hard way!
You’re a redneck … you have started a
You’re a redneck if….
You have started a petition to change the National Anthem to “Georgia on My
Mind”.
An economist is back in his old college town…
An economist is back in his old college town many years after
graduation and decides to drop in on one of his old professors. He
happens to see a copy of an exam sitting on the desk so he picks
it up to look at it. Upon deciding that it looks familiar he comments
to the professor that it is the same exam that he had taken 10 years
ago.
The professor assures him that this is correct but adds that this time the
answers are different.
How many New Yorkers does it take to screw…
How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
4. 1 to screw in the bulb, and 3 to be supportive.
Kosovo vs. Hiroshima
What do Kosovo and Hiroshima have in common?
Nothing, yet.