If you know any teenagers in prison,
send them some candy to help them break out.
Author: admin
Your mamas butt
your mamas ass is so big when she sits down shes 2 feet taller
SURVIVOR!
THREE MEN ARE STRANDED IN AN ISLAND STARVING. ONE IS ANGLO, BLACK AND A MEXICAN. TIRED OF EATING COCUNUTS THEY DECIDED TO SACRIFICE ONE OF THEIR LIMBS OR BODY PARTS TO EAT. WELL THE ANGLO MAN AGREES ON CHOPPING HIS LEG IN THE MORNING SO THEY CAN HAVE BREAKFAST. LUNCH TIME COMES AND THEY ARE HUNGRY AGAIN SO THEY LOOK AT THE BLACK MAN HE AGREES ON CHOPPING ONE OF HIS HIPS. WELL NIGHT TIME SETS IN AND THE ANGLO AND BLACK MAN BOTH LOOK AT THE MEXICAN MAN WITH ENVY THAT HE HAS NOT SACRFICIED ANYTHING YET SO THEY BOTH TELL HIM THAT THEY ARE HUNGRY AND WANT SOMETHING TO EAT BEFORE THEY GO TO BED. THE MEXICAN MAN PAUSES FOR A MINUTE AND THEN STARTS TO PULL HIS PANTS DOWN WHEN THE TWO OTHER MEN START CHANTING YES! HOT DOG!! THE MEXICAN MAN SAYS TO THEM NOPE, MILK SO YOU GUYS CAN GO TO SLEEP!!!!!
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Big Mystery
BLONDE: “Excuse me, what time is it right now?”
WOMAN: “It’s 11:25 PM.”
BLONDE: (confused look on face) “You know, it’s the weirdest thing, I’ve asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer!”
Bin Ladin
Bin Laden called a psychic and asked her to tell his future. A
wierd look came upon the psychics face and she said mr bin laden
you are gonna die on a national holiday. he said good what
holliday is that and she said the day they kill you.
this is one of the suckiest jokes
Typist
A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father’s word processor. She told him she was writing a story.
“What’s it about?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” she replied. “I can’t read.”
Un esclavo negro caminaba lastimosamente
Un esclavo negro caminaba lastimosamente por el desierto. Estaba a punto de morir de sed y calor, cuando tropez� con una l�mpara. La frot�, y de inmediato que aparece un genio, el cual le agradece que lo liberara y le pregunta:
“Dime Amo, �cu�les son los tres deseos que me vas a pedir?”
El negro, considerando su situaci�n actual, le pide:
“Deseo ser blanco, tener mucha, mucha agua y ver todo el tiempo bellos culitos de mujer.”
“A la orden, Amo.”
Y el negro qued� convertido en retrete de mujeres…
British Warning Stic
THE BRITISH BOARD OF HEALTH HAS PROPOSED THAT WARNING SIGNS BE PLACED ON BOOZE BOTTLES TO TIP OFF DRINKERS ABOUT THE POSSIBLE PERIL OF POUNDING A PINT OR TWO. 1. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards. 2. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole. 3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN. 4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to say things like thish. 5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY think while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party. 6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning. 7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever happened to your pants anyway. 8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can’t remember) 9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead. 10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho.
Viagra Spinoffs….
With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of
drugs oriented toward improving the performance of men in
today’s society. Here’s a list of what’s on the drawing board:
DIRECTRA: A dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car
trips caused 72 percent of them to stop to ask directions when
they got lost, compared to 0.2 percent of a control group.
PROJECTRA: Men given this experimental new drug were far more
likely to actually finish a household repair project before
starting a new one.
CHILDAGRA: Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming
urge to perform more child care tasks – especially cleaning up
spills and “little accidents.”
COMPLIMENTRA: In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men
who were given this drug noticed that their wives had a new
hairstyle. It is currently being tested to see if its effects
extend to noticing new clothing.
BUYAGRA: Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden
urge to buy their sweethearts expensive jewelry and gifts after
taking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: Whether
the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorite
store’s return period.
NEGA-VIAGRA: Has the opposite effect of Viagra. Currently
undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. Presidents.
NEGA-SPORTAGRA: This drug had the strange effect of making men
want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with
other family members.
FLATULAGRA: This complex drug converts men’s noxious intestinal
gases back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be
doubled for long car rides.
FLYAGRA: This drug has been showing great promise in treating
men with O.F.D. (Open Fly disorder). Especially useful for men
on Viagra.
PRYAGRA: About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in
the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal
affairs of other people. Note: Apparent overdose turned three
test subjects into “special prosecutors.”
LIAGRA: This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being
asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available in Regular,
Grand Jury, and Presidential Strength versions.
An Arm and a Leg
Adam was walking around the garden of Eden, moping.
So God asked him, “What is wrong with you?”
Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a
woman.
He said, “This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you
discover clothing, she will wash it for you.
She will always agree with every decision you make.
She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the
night to take care of them.
She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when
you’ve had a disagreement.
She will never have a headache and will freely give you love whenever you
should wish it.
Adam asked God, “What will a woman like this cost?”
God replied, “An arm and a leg.”
Adam thought a moment and asked, “What can I get for a rib?”
And the rest is history…
Polak, Italian and Mafia
Q: You go to a cockfight. How do you know if a Polak is there?
A: He’s the one with a duck.
Q: How do you know if an Italian is there?
A: He bet on the duck.
Q: How do you know if the Mafia is there?
A: The duck wins.
Pick Pocket
Q: What’s the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom?
A: A pick pocket snatches watches.