One day, a man went into the shower and started to wash himself.
Looking down, he noticed that his crotch was bright orange.
He was a bit worried but he got dried and went to work.
On his lunch break, he went to the loo and the man standing at
the urinal next to him screamed
“Holy s***! He has a bright orange dick!”
The man was a bit embarrased and decided to go to the doctor.
“I’ve run some tests and it seems OK. Have you done anything –
um – unusual at the weekend?” said the doctor.
The man scratched his head for a moment and said
“I only watched a porno film with my Pepsi and a bag of Cheetos!”
Author: admin
When I die, I can’t
When I die, I can’t decide if I want to go to heaven for the weather,
or to hell for the company.
Monica at the Dry Cleaners
Monica needed to get one of her dresses cleaned so she takes it to the
dry cleaners. The man working there was an elderly man and was hard of
hearing.
Monica said,”I need this dress cleaned.”
The man said, “Come again?”
Monica replied, “No, it’s just mustard.”
Making love
Q. what is the definition of “making love”?
a. something a woman does while a guy is f****** her.
Did you hear about the politician
Did you hear about the politician who dreamt that he was making a speech and woke up to discover he was.
You’re not getting older, you’re
You’re not getting older, you’re getting ancient.
Snake
Q. What is the difference between a poisonous snake and a lawyer?
A. You can make a pet out of the snake.
God probably ran out of molds for weasels when he was creating the Heavens and
the Earth, so he substituted lawyers.
As you might have guessed, we don�t like lawyers. So sue us.
Yo Mama!!!!!
your mamas so fat her belt size is the equator.
10 reasons why it sucks to be a penis!
01. -You’ve got a hole in your head.
02. -Your master strangles you all the time.
03. -Your head is smaller than the rest of you
04. -You shrink in cold water.
05. -You never get a haircut.
06. -You always hang around with 2 nuts.
07. -Your closest neighbor is an asshole.
08. -Your best friend is a pussy.
09. -Your scalp gets cut off if you’re Jewish.
10. -Everytime you get excited, you throw up.
Guitar Player
What’s the difference between a guitar player and a mutual fund?
The mutual fund will eventually mature and start making money.
A gun with 2 bullets
Q. What do you do if you are in a room with Adolf Hitler and a lawer with
a gun and 2 bullets?
A. Shoot the lawer twice.
GENERATION GAP
During one “generation gap” quarrel with his parents young Michael cried, “I
want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I’ll never find it here
at home, so I’m leaving. Don’t try and stop me!”
With that he headed toward the door. His father rose and followed close
behind.
“Didn’t you hear what I said? I don’t want you to try and stop me.”
“Who’s trying to stop you?” replied his father. “If you wait a minute, I’ll go
with you.”