Here I sit Same as ever
Dirty arse, got no paper
Boss is calling,
Can not linger
Stuff it, I’ll use me finger
Author: admin
Use your elbow
A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife:
“You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.”
“Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?”
“You’re coming empty handed?”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
Wrong Building
A blonde enters a library after a hard day at work. She casually
walks up to the librarian and says very loudly, “I would like a
Big Mac, fries, and a large Coke.”
The librarian, only slightly amused, replies, “You’re in a
library dear.”
The blonde, feeling very embarrassed, lowers her voice to a
whisper and says, “Sorry, I would like a Big Mac, fries, and a
large Coke.”
Yo mama’s So Fat… Cereal
Yo’ mama so fat, her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard!
Bermuda Triangle and a blonde
What does the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common?
They both swallowed a lot of semen.
Untitled joke
How many people does it take to change an object-oriented light bulb?
Change it? Aw shucks, I was going to reuse it.
Kick Blonde Ass
There was a blonde in the middle of a wheat field, in a row boat, rowing. When another blonde, stops her car on the side of the road, gets out and starts yelling, “You are the type of blonde that gives the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim, I would swim out there and kick your ass!”
3 blondes wish
Three blondes are walking on the beach and find genie lamp.
The Genie says “look girls, there are three of you.. so only ONE wish each!
The 1st blonde says “Genie, I think that I would like to be a little bit smarter”… POOF!!!
She is a REDHEAD!
The 2nd blonde says “Genie,… I think I would like to be a little smarter still!”…POOF!!!
She is a BRUNETTE!
3rd blonde says “Genie… I have been a blonde ALL my life!..Men buy me cars,..give me money,…and jewels… I think I would like to be a little DUMBER!!”…POOF!!!
She is a MAN!!
Your Tax Dollars At Work
The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting
a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.
Entra un jorobado a hacer
Entra un jorobado a hacer pip� en un ba�o p�blico y se para junto a otro se�or que tambi�n se estaba disponiendo a hacer sus necesidades. El giboso se abre la bragueta y saca tremendo miembro, tan grande, que el se�or que estaba junto a �l exclama:
“�Uy, si yo la tuviera as� de grande me la estar�a besando todo el d�a!”
“�Y por qu� crees que estoy jorobado, pendejo?”
Good news/Bad News at the doctor
The doctor took Dan into the room and said, “Dan, I have some good news and some bad news.”Dan said, “Give me the good news.””They’re going to name a disease after you.”
Non Profit Atheism
Q: Why is atheism a non-profit religion?
A: They have no prophets!