Q. What’s the difference between a woman and a coffin?
A. You come in one and go in the other.
Author: admin
Pie man
A pie walks into a pub and asks for a pint.
The barman says: Sorry mate, we dont serve
food here!
He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.
Q: Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East?
A: He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.
Un d�a, al borracho del
Un d�a, al borracho del pueblo le da por entrar a misa cuando el cura est� en lo mejor del serm�n. Como el beodo entra haciendo esc�ndalo, el sacerdote le reprende:
“�Mira que por tu culpa ya perd� el hilo del serm�n!”
Raudo, el temulento se levanta; cierra la puerta de la iglesia y grita:
“De aqu� nadie sale hasta que no le devuelvan el hilo al cura”.
What’s a conservative?
Q: What’s a conservative?
A: A liberal who made it through adolescence.
Why are there no dumb brunettes?
Peroxide.
Blondes and pregnancy
Two brunettes and a blonde are having lunch at a cafe, all three are pregnant. Through out the coversation the topic of sex and pregnancy comes up, finally culminating in each one discussing their respective fetus’ and the manner of conception.
The first brunette says “I know I am going to have a boy because I was on top.”
The second brunette says “I know I am going to have a girl because I was on the bottom.”
The blonde is silent, she has a stricken look on her face, finally she bursts out “Oh my god, I’m going to have a puppy”.
You Might Be a Redneck
You might be a Redneck if you dining room floor is “spay-on truck bed liner”.
© Lynn Duerksen May 2005
Parot on honeymoon
When Casey stated he was getting married, his pet parrot was very upset & insisted on going on the honeymoon with the couple. “Okay, okay”, his owner agreed to the bird, “You can come along, but I don’t want you looking. You gotta promise that you’ll look the other way when we’re making love…and if you break your promise, you’ll get nothing to eat!”
Not wanting to be left at home, the parrot readily agreed.
Before leaving on their honeymoon, Casey & his new bride were packing their suitcases, the man, out of breath, says to his wife, “I can’t get it all in honey, you’ll have to sit on it.”
She says, “No, that won’t work, I’ll get on top and press down.”
“No that’s not gonna work, why don’t we both get on top?”
It’s then that the parrot thinks to himself, “Food or no food…this I GOTTA see!”
Sex position
What sexual position do you use to have an ugly baby?
Ask your parents.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
waterskiing
Did you hear about the blonde who never learned to waterski?He couldn’t find a lake with a slope.
Chocolate.. mmm!!!
Woman in a restaurant: right, id like a scoop of strawberry icecream, a scoop of chocolate icecream, and a scoop of vanilla please!
Waiter: I’m sorry madam, it seems we have no choclate.
Woman: (sighs) then ill have a strawberry milkshake, vanilla milkshake and a chocolate milkshake please!
Waiter: I’m sorry we dont have any chocolate milkshake.
Woman: Fine. I’ll have a strawberry shortcake, vanilla shortcake and a chocolate shortcake PLEASE!
Waiter: Madam, we have NO chocolate! tell me, please, is there the word ‘van’ in vanilla?
Woman: Yes, theres a ‘van’ in vanilla
Waiter: And, is the word straw in strawberry?
Woman: Yes, theres a ‘straw’ in strawberry.
Waiter: Is there a ‘fuck’ in choclate
Woman: Theres no ‘fuck’ in choclate
Waiter: THAT’S WHAT IV’E BEEN TRYING 2 TELL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!