Author: admin

I don’t think so

Posted on by admin

The following is a direct quote from the Center for Strategic and
International Studies report on GLOBAL ORGANIZED CRIME; the author who
introduces the story swears it’s true.

FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was
under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing
thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an
appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor
with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.

The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI
because they were taping all conversations at the hospital.

Agent: Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.

Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?

Agent: We’re over at the psychiatric hospital.

Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That’s right. I’m an FBI agent.

Pizza Man: You’re an FBI agent?

Agent: That’s correct. Just about everybody here is.

Pizza Man: And you’re at the psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That’s correct. And make sure you don’t go through the front doors. We
have them locked. You will have to go around to the back to the service entrance
to deliver the pizzas.

Pizza Man: And you say you’re all FBI agents?

Agent: That’s right. How soon can you have them here?

Pizza Man: And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?

Agent: That’s right. We’ve been here all day and we’re starving.

Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?

Agent: I have my checkbook right here.

Pizza Man: And you’re all FBI agents?

Agent: That’s right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring
the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front
doors locked.

Pizza Man: I don’t think so.

Mute Guy

Posted on by admin

A mute guy is walking down the street and he meets his mute
friend who suddenly starts speaking to him. Amazed, the mute guy
signals his talking friend asking how was he able to talk.

His friend happily tells him that he went to a doctor who healed
him in only 27 days. The mute guy asks for directions and runs
to the doctor to get healed.

He runs in and signals the doctor that he wants to be able to
speak. The doctor says, “Okay, you will learn in 27 days but you
must pay $2000 in advance.” The guy gives him his credit card
without any hesitation.

Then the doctor says, “Drop your pants.” The guy gets undressed.
The doctor then says, “Now, bend over.” The guy, reluctant to
the doctors command, signals, “NO!” and starts to get dressed.
The doctor says, “Well, I guess you won’t learn how to speak
then.” The mute guy pauses and decides to accept, dropping his
pants and bending over.

The doctor walks behind him towards the end on the room, grabs a
broom and runs back at him jamming the broom up the guys ass.
The guy screams, “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!”

Then the doctor says, “Good! Come back tomorrow and I’ll show
you the letter B.”

Camel love

Posted on by admin

A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men’s barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, “What’s the camel for?” The Sergeant replied, “Well sir, it’s a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do,we have the camel.” The Captain said “Well, if it’s good for morale, then I guess it’s all right with me.” After he had been at the fort for about 6 months, the Captain could not stand it anymore, so he told his Sergeant, “BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!” The Sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the Captain’s quarters. The Captain got a foot stool and proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, “Is that how the enlisted men do it?” The Sergeant replied, “Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town.”

Texan Buys Spread

Posted on by admin

A loud American, looking for properties to buy out in Australia is in the bar of the Railway Hotel.

“Yeah, ma’am” he says to the barmaid ” ah’m looking to buy me a ranch- stations, you call them, so they tell me. Ah come from Texas and ah’m looking for a big spread because where I come from in Texas, everythang is BIG. Why, do you know, mah ranch in Texas is so big, it takes a whole week to ride around it on a horse?”

“Yeah?” says a wizened station hand sitting at the bar. “If we had a horse like that we’d turn it into glue.”

Memo in Bin Laden’s Cave

Posted on by admin

Dear Friends,

We are going to live in this cave for quite a while, so we need a few “good neighbor” rules

– Everyone try and keep the cave clean. Do not leave crumbs on the floor.

– It is very rare that I give television interviews, and when I do so, I am trying to scare the most powerful country in the world. So please do not wave at the camera behind my back.

– We all also need to try and keep our beards clean, especially after we eat.

– Last, there has been word that American soldiers are trying to infiltrate our ranks in disguise. To combat this, starting tonight, we will have 24-7 patrol around the cave. The first patrol will be made up of Ahmed, Omar, Muhammad, and Richard.

Love,

Osama

A Muslim In Heaven

Posted on by admin

A Muslim dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter meets him at the gate and says, “Welcome to heaven my son, please enter!”

The Muslim says “Oh no, no, I cannot enter without seeing Allah.” St. Peter says, “Oh… Allah. He is upstairs.”

The Muslim says, “Well of course, Allah is upstairs!” He climbs upstairs and meets Jesus.

Jesus says “Welcome to heaven my child, please enter!” And the Muslim says “Oh no, no, with all due respect, I cannot enter without seeing Allah.”

Jesus says “But of course…Allah is upstairs, top floor.”

The Muslim smiles and thinks to himself, “Of course, Allah is on top of heaven itself because He is most high!”

At the final gate he meets the all mighty Lord himself who says “Welcome to heaven my child, please enter.”

As expected, the Muslim says he cannot enter without meeting Allah, to which the Lord replies “I understand, my child…Allah is here. But he is busy right now. Why don’t you have a seat and wait for him?”

The Muslim is so excited that his Allah is so important, after all he always believed this was so. The Lord says to the Muslim “Why you must be parched, would you like a drink?”

The Muslim says, “Yes, I would like a drink. I would like that very much.”

And the Lord asks, “Would you like a Coke?”

The Muslim says “Yes, that sounds good, thank you.”

The Lord says, “It does indeed. I think I’ll join you.”

And with that the Lord snapped his fingers and said, “Allah, bring two cokes!”