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Un famoso torero decide proponerle

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Un famoso torero decide proponerle matrinomio a su enamorada. En la noche de bodas, el matador se desviste y la chica mira que �ste tiene una pierna postiza. Segundos despu�s de penetrarla, el diestro le reclama:

“�Joder, qu� no me has dicho que no eres virgen!”

“�Pues t� tampoco me has dicho que tienes una pierna de palo!”

“�Rediez, qu� lo m�o ha sido de una cogida!”

“Ah, �y t� de que crees que fue lo m�o, idiota?”

Then Jesus took his disciples up the mountain…

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Then Jesus took his disciples up the mountain and, gathering them around
him, he taught them, saying:

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are the meek, blessed are they that mourn, blessed are the
merciful, blessed are they that thirst for justice, blessed are you when
persecuted, blessed are you when you suffer. Be glad and rejoice, for your
reward is great in heaven.

Then Simon Peter said, “Are we supposed to know this?” And Andrew said,
“Do we have to write this down?” And Philip said, “I don’t have any
paper.” And Bartholomew said, “Do we have to turn this in?” And James
said, “Will we have a test on this?” And John said, “The other disciples
didn’t have to learn this.” And Matthew said, “May I go to the bathroom?”
And Judas said, “What does this have to do with real life?”

Then one of the Pharisees, who was present, asked to see Jesus’ lesson
plan and inquired of Jesus, “Where is your anticipatory set and your
objectives in the cognitive domain?”

And Jesus wept.

Halloween Costumes

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A boyfriend and girlfriend were getting ready for a Halloween
party. The girlfriend came out wearing a lemon on her belt. The
boyfriend asked, “What are you going to the party as?” She said
“I’m going as a sourpuss!”
After the boyfriend got through changing, he came out wearing a
potato on his belt. The girlfriend said, “And what are YOU going
to the party as?” He said, “Well, I’m going as a dictator!”

Questions Not To Ask In Foreign Lands

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IRELAND
�Are you magically delicious or just angry and drunk? This beer is black- did
a leprechaun crap in it?�

FRANCE
�Can I get a side of Freedom Fries with that? Aren�t the French just Germans
who can make sauces?�

ITALY
�Is the Pope Polish? Does he have super powers like Jesus? I could sure go for
a can of Spaghetti-O�s! �

POLAND
�Do you hire foreigners to screw in your lightbulbs?�

GERMANY
�Is this bratwurst kosher?�

TURKEY
�Where�s the hash at? It�s cool to recreationally slaughter Kurds?�

KOREA
�Can you watch my puppy for a minute, or must you people deep fry him?�

CHINA
�This wall isn�t so great.�

ENGLAND
�Did you ever get a piece of ass from that Diana chick?�

SWEDEN
�Do you have any normal meatballs? Want to hear a dumb blonde joke?�

YEMEN
�Yemen? That�s a stupid name for a country. What�s it mean — �Land Of
Fanatics And Dust’ ?�

INDIA
�You don�t live in teepees? Where can I get a good juicy steak around here?�

ETHIOPIA
�After a long day of travel, I�m famished. Hey � those flies sure love your
pregnant son!�

CANADA
�You�re like Americans without money.�

SPAIN
�So, this is the country that�s not Portugal? Wow. Your women can shave if
they want to, right? Where can I get some Cheez Whiz nachos?�

SOUTH AFRICA
�I liked it better the other way.�

MEXICO
�What’s that smell?�

SAUDI ARABIA
�Would you like to see my designs for a solar powered car? Is it legal to beat
your wives here, or what?�

RUSSIA
�Is it always this cold and economically devastated?�

UZBEKISTAN
�Can you spell Uzbekistan?�

GREECE
�I hear this place is a less expensive version of Italy.