Author: admin

what do u call a pakistani wiv his legs open infront of a fire ??????? SINGIT!!!!!!!!!!!

…can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

…are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

…do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

…do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

…do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

…do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

…do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.

…do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

…do we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well: ‘Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’.

…do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille
lettering..

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of
strokes. The golfer says to himself: “I’d give anything to sink this next putt.”

A stranger walks up to him and whispers: “Would you give up a fourth of your
sex life?”

The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless but
also that perhaps this is a good omen and will put him in the right frame of
mind to make the difficult putt and says, “OK.”

And sinks the putt.

Two holes later he mumbles to himself: “Boy, if I could only get an eagle on
this hole.”

The same stranger moves to his side and says, “Would it be worth another
fourth of your sex life?”

The golfer shrugs and says, “Sure.” And he makes an eagle.

Down to the final hole. The golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he
says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, “Would you be willing to
give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?”

The golfer says, “Certainly.” And makes the eagle.

As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says,
“You know, I’ve really not been fair with you because you don’t know who I am.

I’m the devil, and from now on you will have no sex life.”

“Nice to meet you,” says the golfer. “My name’s Father O’Malley.”

A blind man arrives at a lumber camp & asks for a job. The boss advises him
due to the fact he is blind & lumber work is very dangerous there are no
available positions. The blind man protests & advises the boss he is able to
identify trees buy smell & could go out ahead of the cutting crew & mark
whatever trees were to be cut that day.
The boss decides to give him a try & takes him out to the lumber yard outside.
The first piece of wood he comes to he hands it to the blind man who then passes
it under his nose & advises it �fir”

The boss is impressed & picks up a second piece of wood. Again the blind man
passes it under his nose & advises its �redwood”. This continues all around the
lumber yard & the blind man never makes a mistake. The secretary has seen this
display & decides to throw a curve at this lumber expert. taking a ruler she
runs it between her legs & passes it to the foreman who in turn hands it to the
blind man, he smells the ruler & appears confused, finally he advises he is not
sure but its either �pussy willow” or a board off an “old s*** house�. Boss was
complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any
respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign
that read, “I�m the boss”. He then taped it to his office door. Later that day
when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign
that said, “Your wife called. She wants her sign back!”

One day 2 best friends were talking and the first man said:

man 1:you will not guess what happened yesterday
man 2:what?
man 1:while I was in the farm a bull started chasing after me
man 2:and what happened?
man 1:I started to run faster and faster and when he was about
to poke me with its horns it slipped and fell.
man 2:then what?
man 1:well I kept running faster and faster and again it was
about to poke me and it slipped and fell again
man 2:Then what??
man 1:well I kept running faster and faster and again it was
about to poke me and again it slipped and fell.
man 2: damn I think that if a bull was chasing after me I
would’ve shitted my pants
man 1: and what do you think the bull was slipping and falling
on??

En una ocasi�n, llega un hombre a la cantina y le ordena al cantinero:

“Deme un tequila con ron, vodka, limoncito y salecita”.

En cuanto el cantinero se lo sirve, el hombre se lo toma de un solo jal�n y, acto seguido, se avienta por la ventana. Poco despu�s, entra por la puerta, ileso, sin ning�n rasgu�o. Se acerca nuevamente a la barra y le ordena al cantinero:

“Deme un tequila con ron, vodka, limoncito y salecita”.

El hombre de los tragos se lo da y, de nueva cuenta, el hombre lo sorbe de un sent�n y vuelve a aventarse por la ventana y regresa como si nada hubiese sucedido.

Otro hombre, que observaba los hechos, se dijo:

“Esa bebida que toma ese sujeto debe tener algo m�gico, algo especial, qu� s� yo. Voy a probar, a ver qu� pasa”.

As� que decide ir donde est� el cantinero:

“Deme lo mismo que le dio a ese tipo”.

El cantinero se lo prepar�. El sujeto lo bebi� e inmediatamente se arroj� por la ventana, pero qued� hecho pur� cuando choc� con la acera. Poco despu�s, el hombre que siempre resultaba ileso, pidi� otro trago como los anteriores y una vez m�s se arroj� por la ventana y, de nuevo, lleg� como de costumbre. Fue entonces cuando el tabernero le amonesta:

“H�joles, Superman, desde que te volviste alcoh�lico, ya todos quieren ser como t�, mano”.