Author: admin

Class dismissed

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“Class dismissed!” the teacher yelled.

Little Johnny doesn’t go, he walks to the teachers desk and says, “Teacher can I go home with you?”

The teacher says “No!”

Little Johnny says, “I’ll tell my daddy.”

So the teacher says, “Okay.”

They get to the teachers house and she says, “Well I’m going to take a quick shower, you sit right here.”

“Can I take a shower with you?” he asks.

“NO!” says the teacher.

“I’ll tell my daddy!!”

“Well, okay, I guess so.”

So, they’re in the shower and little Johnny says, “Can I turn off the lights?”

“No!” says the teacher.

“I’ll tell my daddy.”

“Well, okay.”

So the lights are off and little Johnny says, “Can I stick my finger in your belly button?”

“NO!” says the teacher.

“I’ll tell my daddy.”

“Well, okay”says the teacher.

“JOHNNY!!!! That’s not my belly-button!”

“Yeah? That’s not my finger either.”

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis

Different Ways To Say ”You’re Stupid”

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A few clowns short of a circus.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
Dumber than a box of hair.
A few peas short of a casserole.
Doesn’t have all her cornflakes in one box.
The wheel’s spinning, but the hamster’s dead.
One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
One taco short of a combination plate.
A few feathers short of a whole duck.
All foam, no beer.
The cheese slid off her cracker.
Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
As smart as bait.
Chimney’s clogged.
Doesn’t have all his dogs on one leash.
Doesn’t know much but leads the league in nostril hair.
Elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor.
Forgot to pay her brain bill.
Her sewing machine’s out of thread.
His antenna doesn’t pick up all the channels.
His belt doesn’t go through all the loops.
If she had another brain, it would be lonely.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
No grain in the silo.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Receiver is off the hook.
Several nuts short of a full pouch.
Skylight leaks a little.
Slinky’s kinked.
Surfing in Nebraska.
Too much yardage between the goal posts.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
The lights are on, but nobody’s home.
24 cents short of a quarter.

Naughty Emicons!

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We all know those cute little computer symbols called “emoticons,” where 🙂 means a smile and 🙁 is a frown. Sometimes these are represented by :o) and :o( respectively. Well, how about some “assicons”?

Here’s a few:

(_!_) a regular ass

(__!__) a fat ass

(!) a tight ass

(_^^_) a bubble ass

(_*_) a sore ass

{_!_} a swishy ass

(_o_) an ass that’s been around

(_x_) kiss my ass

(_X_) leave my ass alone

(_zzz_) a tired ass

(_o^^o_) a wise ass

(_E=mc2_) a smart ass

(_$_) Money coming out of his ass

(_?_) Dumb Ass

Country law

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One day a bachlor decides that he is going to take up hunting, since he had nothing else to do with his money. He goes an buys a pick up truck and two hunting dogs. Goes to the country to hunt, when all of a sudden he spots some ducks flying over head. He takes his shot gun and shoots, he hits one and lets the dogs out. He chases after the dogs and they come to a farmers field, when the young man says ” Excuse me sir, but that is my duck” The farmer says ” no my land, my duck. Tell you what sonny, lets settle this the country way, We kick each other in the balls, and who is left standing, gets to keep the duck. The city boy says “Allright” But the farmer says “I go first” The farmer kicks the young man in the balls, and lays on the ground for about five minutes. When he finally gets to his feet, he states “OK, my turn” The farmer says “Na, you can keep the duck.”

Wagon trouble

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A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn.

The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, “Hey Willis, forget your troubles! Come in and visit with us. I’ll help you get the wagon up later.”

“That’s mighty nice of you,” Willis answered, “but I don’t think Pa would like me to.”

“Aw come on boy,” the farmer insisted.

“Well okay,” the boy finally agreed, and added, “but Pa won’t like it.”

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset.”

“Don’t be foolish!” the neighbor said with a smile. “By the way, where is he?”

“Under the wagon!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown