SEATTLE’S TURKEY DAY ETIQUETTE It’s been 145 years since the first white settlers landed at Alki Beach at Thanksgiving time, took one look at the overcast skies and the sodden, rain-soaked West Seattle terrain, and burst into tears.(History, alas, doesn’t record the response of the Native Americans when they spotted those tear-drenched settlers. But they probably were too polite to laugh out loud.)In the intervening years, the first residents and the settlers have worked out the rules for Thanksgiving, Puget Sound style. Here they are, recently updated by an ad hoc Turkey Day committee:DRESS CODE. Thanksgiving Day guests will arrive wearing Seattle tuxes: clean jeans, turtleneck sweaters and down jackets with weathered ski-lift tags. Hiking boots are optional.CONVERSATION’S GAMBIT. Topics will include: 1) the election; 2) previous elections; and, 3) the next election. Several arguments will ensue before the host or hostess declares politics ‘off-limits.’CLEANERS’ COROLLARY. Spills will happen in direct proportion to the staining capacity of the dish (cranberry sauce rates high) and the expense of dry cleaning the garment.CHRISTMAS CONVENTION. If you are attending a family gathering, expect this reminder: ‘Don’t forget to bring your Christmas list to Thanksgiving dinner.’MEOW’S MOMENT. The family cat will appear long enough to 1) shed hair on anyone wearing a black or navy-blue sweater; 2) perch on the lap of whoever most dislikes cats; and, 3) insist on sharing the smoked-salmon hors d’oeuvres.OLD-TIMERS’ LAMENT. Some oldster in the group will remark that it’s a rotten shame there’s no longer a Turkey Day football game between Puget Sound and Seattle high-school champs.ELBOW’S LAW. Local custom calls for every left-handed diner to be seated to the right of a right-handed diner, maximizing chances for spills.PORCELAIN’S PROGRESS. At least two different patterns of dinnerware must be visible on Puget Sound tables during every course.SALAD LAW. Tossed salads supplied by guests will arrive with an excess of moisture, supplied by ambient rainfall. If the day is merely overcast, the host or hostess should add water before serving.MOLDED SALAD LAW. Guaranteed to do one of three things: contain miniature marshmallows, fail to unmold properly, or slide off the serving plate onto the lap of one of the diners.GRAVY’S CONSTANT. The silver gravy boat — a wedding present from Great Aunt Emma and Uncle Ed — will vanish before the meal. It will show up next summer when you’re searching for beach towels.TURKEY’S GRIPE. One vegetarian guest will complain about the fare, saying, ‘Why can’t we ever have tofu au gratin?’PIE’S PARADOX. Provide two kinds of pie and diners will either decline or ask for ‘a sliver of both.’POLLYANNA’S PRINCIPLE. Guests will include one orphan, someone from out of town who can’t make it home. If no orphan is available, the family oddball can substitute.REFRIGERATOR’S RULE. After all guests depart, at least one never-served dish will turn up in the refrigerator.DEPARTURE’S RULE. Some guests will arrive very early; some will show up late. But they’ll all leave at the same time.
Author: admin
Yo mamas breath
yo mamas breath is so bad she needs a tic-tac with a battery
A Rose By Any Name
There was a man who had memory loss. His wife got so fed up with him that she decided to take him to a doctor to help him remember things. A few weeks later the man was out of the hospital and his wife felt he had made a big improvement. A few days later they decided to celebrate so they invited their parents over for dinner. The man’s father asked what the doctor’s name was.The man replied, “What’s the name of that flower with a long stem and little thorns on it?” His dad looked confused and said, “Rose?””Yes that’s it… Hey, Rose… what�s the name of my doctor?”
Beer
A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.
His friend Doug stops him and asks, “Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?”
“I got it for my wife, eh.” answers Bob.
“Oh!” exclaims Doug, “Good trade.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
Car Lights
Two blondes are driving in a car. All of a sudden, the car slows down to a stop. The driver tells the passenger to get out and check if the lights are working. The passenger gets out and the driver turns on the blinker. The passenger resonds”Yes….no…..yes…..no…..yes…”
My Dad Did…
It is the first day of school and the teacher decides to go
around the room and see what everybody’s father does for a
living.
The first girl says, “My dad is a fireman. He puts out fires for
a living.” The teacher says “good.”
The next boy stands up and says, “My dad is a lawyer. He puts
bad people in jail.”
Teacher asks Johnny what his dad does. Johnny says, “My dad is
dead.” Teahcer says “What did he do before he died?” Jonny says,
“He turned blue and shit on the carpet!”
Don’t believe in superstition —
Don’t believe in superstition — it brings bad luck.
Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com
Sex
wht is similarity between a rat and a man?
* they both search a hole
Winter Q and A
Q: Why doesn’t Santa have any children?
A: Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it’s down the
chimney.
Q: Why are women’s breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas
time?
A: Because they were originally made for children but it’s the
fathers who want to play with them.
Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work, and the fat guy with the suit gets all the
credit.
Q: How are a Christmas tree and a priest alike?
A: They both have ornamental balls.
Q: How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer “Olive?”
Olive?
A: Yeah, you know, “Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and
call him names…”
Q: What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male
reindeer out on Christmas Eve?
A: They go into town, and blow a few bucks.
Q: What’s the difference between snowmen and snow ladies?
A: Snowballs.
Something to Ponder
Never hold in farts.
They travel up your spine to your brain.
And that’s where shitty ideas come from!
Submitted by BreeBrown
Edited by Calamjo
Dumb blondes aren’t only grils
why do gril blondes have brusies around there bellbuttons?
Boy blondes are stupied to.
Polak Joins Baseball Team
A Polak wanted to join an amateur baseball team. The coach looked him over and decided to give him a chance.
“I will give you three questions,” said the coach. “If you come back in a week and answer them all correctly, you’re on the team.”
“Fair enough!” said the Polak eagerly.
The coach proceeded, “Here are your questions. First, how many days are there in a week that start with the letter ‘T’? Second, how many seconds are there in a year? And third, how many d’s are there in ‘Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?'”
Next week, the Polak came back, feeling all confident that he knew the right answers. So again the coach said, “So how many days in the week that start with ‘T’?”
The Polak said, “Two!”
“Very good!” said the coach. And what are they?”
“Today and Tomorrow!”
“Hmm… OK,” said the coach.
“How many seconds are there in a year?”
“Twelve!”
“Twelve? How did you come up with twelve?” The coach was perplexed.
“Well,” said the Polak, “there’s the second of January, the second of February, the second of…”
“Um.. OK,” broke in the coach.
“How many d’s in ‘Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?'”
“Oh, that is easy!” laughed the Polak. “Three hundred and sixty-five!”
“WHAT?” cried the coach. “How did you get that figure?”
To which the Polak sang, “dee dee dee-dee-dee dee-dee….”