Author: admin

Did you hear about the heavyset guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt to lose weight? He tried the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Weight Watchers, and many more. None worked. One day, he was reading the Washington Post when he noticed a small ad which read:

Lose weight
Only $1.00 a pound
Call (202) 208-0238

The man decided to give it a try and called the number. A voice on the other end asked, ‘How much weight do you want to lose?’, to which the man responded, ‘Ten pounds.’

The voice replied, ‘Very well, give me your credit card number and we’ll have a representative over to your house in the morning.’.

About 9:00 am the next morning the man gets a knock on the door. There stood a beautiful redheaded woman, completely naked except for a sign around her neck stating, ‘If you catch me, you can have me’.

Well, the hefty fellow chased her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas, through the kitchen, all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing like a dog, he did catch her. When he was through enjoying himself, she said, ‘Quick, go into the bathroom and weigh yourself!’. He did just that and was amazed to find that he had lost ten pounds, right to the ounce!

That evening he called the number again. The voice on the other end asked, ‘How much weight do you want to lose?’, to which the somewhat less overweight man replied, ‘Twenty pounds.’.

‘Very well’, the voice on the phone told him, ‘Give me your credit card number and we’ll have a representative over to your house in the morning.’

At about 8:00 am the next morning the man receives a knock on the door. When he opens the door he sees a beautiful blond dressed only in track shoes and a sign around her neck stating ‘If you catch me, you can have me’. The chase took a good while longer this time and the man nearly passed out, but he finally did catch her. When he was through she told him, ‘Quick, run into the bathroom and weigh yourself!’ He ran to the bathroom and found he had lost another 20 pounds!

‘This is fantastic!’, he thought to himself. Later that evening he called the number again and the voice at the other end asked, ‘How much weight do you want to lose?’. ‘Fifty pounds!’, the man exclaimed. ‘Fifty pounds?’, the voice asked. ‘That’s an awful lot of weight to lose at one time.’

The man replied, ‘Listen buddy, here’s my credit card number, you just have your representative over here in the morning!’, and he hung up the phone.

About 6:00 am the next morning the man gets out of bed, splashes on some cologne and gets all ready for the next representative. At about 7:00 am he gets a knock on the door. When he opens the door, he sees this large gorilla with a sign around his neck stating,

‘If I catch you, I’m going to screw you’

Una vez Tarzan tuvo sexo con Jane y esta se embaraza. Pasan los nueve meses de gestaci�n y al momento de parir tiene un ni�o negro.

Los dos angustiados se preguntan por que tienen un hijo negro si ellos dos son blancos, a lo que Jane dice: “Vamos con los animales de la selva a ver si nos pueden ayudar, Tarz�n.”

Van primero con la jirafa y Tarz�n le dice: “Tarz�n Blanco, Jane blanca, ni�o negro.”

Y la jirafa le contesta: “No se que pas�, vayan con el elefante a ver si los ayuda.”

Van con el elefante y Tarz�n le dice: “Tarz�n blanco, Jane blanca, ni�o negro.”

A lo que el elefante contesta: “No se que pas�, vayan con el mono a ver si el les puede ayudar.”

Van con el mono y Tarz�n le dice: “Tarz�n blanco, Jane blanca, ni�o negro.”

Y el mono le dice: “Si ser�n pendejos, Tarz�n caliente, Jane caliente, ni�o quemado…”

Back in the old days of the Soviet Union, a Russian couple were walking down the street in Moscow one night when the man felt a drop hit his nose. ‘I think it’s raining,’ he said to his wife.’No, that felt more like snow to me,’ she replied.’No, I’m sure it was just rain,’ he said.Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor Communist Party official walking towards them.’Let’s not fight about it,’ the man said. ‘Let’s ask Comrade Rudolph whether it’s officially raining or snowing.’As the official approached, the man said, ‘Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?”It’s raining, of course,’ he replied, and walked on.But the woman insisted, �I know that felt like snow.’The man quietly replied, ‘Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!’