You Ought to be in Pictures: More than 50 people responded to an
invitation to a casting call for a Robert DeNiro movie being shot in
Boston. The only problem was, the invitations were sent by police. To
people with outstanding arrest warrants. One woman complained she
“took a day off from work” to meet DeNiro. She was led away in
handcuffs instead. “It’s so nice to scam people who are scammers,”
one detective said. The casting call, sent to 3,800 fugitives,
offered more than $200 for two hours of work as extras, plus the
chance of “becoming famous.” (UPI)
Author: admin
You’re a redneck … you think a Volvo
You’re a redneck if…. You think a Volvo is part of a woman’s anatomy.
Toast eh?
A husband and wife noticed that their little boy’s penis was a little too small so they took him to the doctor. They expressed their concerns to the doctor.
The doctor said to feed the little boy lots of toast.
The next morning, the wife gets up really early and makes a huge stack of toast. When the little boy comes down to breakfast, the mother says, “Take the top two slices. The rest are for your father.”
Q: How many Australians
Q: How many Australians does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: 16. One to change the bulb and 15 to say “Good on yer, mate!”
1 dollar
What do u call a blonde with a 1 dollar bill on her head?
All you can eat for under a dollar.
Three men were in the bar argueing who had…
Three men were in the bar argueing who had the biggest penis. The bartender told them the only was to settle it was to lay them on the bar. A gay walked in and the bartender ask him could he help him. The gay said that he came in to have a beer but he thought he would have the buffet.
COOPERATION
At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, “Do
you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?”
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
“Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?”
The little boy nodded yes.
“So,” the coach continued, “when a strike is called, or you’re out at first,
you don’t argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?”
Again the little boy nodded.
“Good,” said the coach. “Now go over there and explain it to your mother.”
Lost boy
A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall.
He approached a uniformed policeman and said, “I’ve lost my grandpa!”
The cop asked, “What’s he like?”
The little boy replied, “Jack Daniels and women with big tits”.
Submitted by Curtis
I used my head
Three guys made a competition to see who would make a girl scream louder in bed.
The first one went in, meanwhile the other two stayed out and listened to the girl moan for a bit.
The second one went in and the girl screamed a little bit harder.
When the third one went in, the girl SCREAMED! and SCREAMED! About an hour later the girl came out moaning.
The first guy asked “Wow, how did you do that?” The guy, all tired and wet replied “I simply used my head”.
19 Slogans to Premote Safe Sex
1. Cover your stump before you hump.
2. Before you attacker, cover your whacker.
3. Don’t be silly cover your willy.
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout.
5. Don’t be a loner, cover your boner.
6. You can’t go wrong when you shield your dong.
7. If you’re not going to sack it go home & whack it.
8. If you think she’s spunky cover your monkey.
9. It will be sweeter if you wrap peter.
10. She won’t get sick if you wrap your dick.
11. If you’re going into heat, package your meat.
12. When your undressing your Venus wrap up your penis.
13. Especially in December, gift wrap your member.
14. Never, never deck her, with an unwrapped packet.
15. Don’t be a fool, vulcanize your tool.
16. The right selection will protect your erection.
17. Wrap it in oil before you see if she’s boiled.
18. A crank with armor will never harm her.
19. NO GLOVE, NO LOVE.
There’s a parrot on the plane
On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next
to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks “And
get me a whisky you cow!” The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for
the parrot and forgets the coffee.
When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls
“And get me another whisky you idiot”. Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking
with another whisky but still no coffee.
Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot’s approach “I’ve asked
you twice for a coffee go and get it now or I’ll kick you”.
The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out
of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns
to him and says “For someone who can’t fly, you complain too much!”
Puppy Love
The taco Bell chihuahua dog, a doberman, and a bulldog all walk into a bar. A female collie then walks in. The collie says, ”Whoever can say liver and cheese the most creativly, can have me. So the bulldog goes ”I love liver and cheese” The collie says ”Not good enough” The doberman says ”I hate liver and cheese” The collie goes, ”Not creative enough” Then the chihuahua dog says, ”Liver alone, cheese mine.”