yo mama so fuckin dum that she tried 2 cut a tree down wit a fork
Author: admin
Thanksgiving Quotes
THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THANKSGIVING, BUT AREN’T…
“Whew, that’s one terrific spread!”
“I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.”
“Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.”
“Talk about a huge breast!”
“It’s Cool Whip time!”
“If I don’t undo my pants, I’ll burst!”
“Are you ready for seconds yet?”
“Are you going to come again next time?”
“It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it?”
“Just wait your turn, you’ll get some!”
“Don’t play with your meat.”
“Just spread the legs open & stuff it in.”
“I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!”
“You still have a little bit on your chin.”
“How long will it take after you stick it in?”
“You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.”
“How many are coming?”
“That’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen!”
“How long do I beat it before it’s ready?”
“It must be broken ’cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out.”
Let’s play “Swallow the leader”
Let’s play “Swallow the leader”
Beer
A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.
His friend Doug stops him and asks, “Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?”
“I got it for my wife, eh.” answers Bob.
“Oh!” exclaims Doug, “Good trade.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
Don’t believe in superstition —
Don’t believe in superstition — it brings bad luck.
Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com
Ooooooh Aaaaaaah
Q: What is the difference between “ooooooh” and “aaaaaaah”?
A: About three inches.
Little Johnny went to school one day and was…
Little Johnny went to school one day and was sitting in class when the
teacher asked, “Who can use the word contagious in a sentence?”
So little Johnny’s arm shot up and he wanted to answer the question
really badly but the teacher, unsure of the response, asked little Maggie.
Little Maggie quickly stood up and said “My sister has a cold and it’s
contagious” to which the teacher responded “Good answer!”
Then the teacher asked again “Can anyone use the word contagious in a
sentence?” Again little Johnny’s arm shot up and again the teacher
overlooked Johnny and opted for another student, Mark.
Mark quickly stood up and said “If you have the measles you are
contagious” “Very good!” was the response from the teacher.
So the teacher feeling bad for overlooking little Johnny said “Go ahead
little Johnny if you can use the word contagious in a sentence we would
all like to hear it.”
So little Johnny stood up and said “Well me and my dad were out on the
porch one day and my mom was mowing the lawn. After 5 minutes of mowing
the lawn my mom came and sat down and had a beer, and my dad said “Go mow
the lawn!” So my mom she went and mowed the lawn. After another 5
minutes of mowing the lawn my mom came back and sat down and had another
beer, so my dad said “Go mow the lawn!” So my mom she went to mow the
lawn again. My dad turned to me and said “Son it’s going to take that
cunt ages to mow the lawn!”
joke
The Shiny-Walled Box Thingie
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They
were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two
shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by
themselves.The lad asked, “What is this, father?”The father
(having never seen an elevator) responded, “I have no idea what
it is.”While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an
old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and
pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between
them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his
father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.The walls
opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman
stepped out.The father looked at his son anxiously and said, “Go
get your mother.”
Sightings Of Sharp Individuals
Sighting #1:
I was busy writing some computer program for one of my classes and my roommate asked me if he could use my coffee maker. I said, “sure.” The next thing I hear is, “Hey, where do you put the coffee?” I turn to see that he has filled the filter basket with water and is (unsuccessfully) trying to keep the water in the basket by plugging the hole at the bottom with his finger. He and the floor are both covered with water.
Sighting #2:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?” I said, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?” He smiled and nodded knowingly, “That’s why we ask.”
Sighting #3:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine, when he asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. He responded, appalled, “What on earth are blind people doing DRIVING???”
Sighting #4:
At a goodbye lunch for an old and dear co-worker who is leaving the company due to “downsizing,” our manager spoke up and said, “This is fun. We should have lunch like this more often.”
Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.
Sighting #5:
I worked with an individual who plugged his power strip back into itself and for the life of him could not understand why his system would not turn on.
Sighting #6 (a rare “double sighting”):
A friend had a brilliant idea for saving disk space. He thought if he put all his Microsoft Word documents into a tiny font they’d take up less room. When he told me I was with another friend. She thought it was a good idea too.
Sighting #7 (from Tech Support):
Tech Support: “How much free space do you have on your hard drive?”
Individual: “Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?”
Sighting #8 (from Tech Support):
Individual: Now what do I do?
Tech Support: What is the prompt on the screen?
Individual: It’s asking for “Enter Your Last Name.”
Tech Support: Okay, so type in your last name.
Individual: How do you spell that?
Something to Ponder
Never hold in farts.
They travel up your spine to your brain.
And that’s where shitty ideas come from!
Submitted by BreeBrown
Edited by Calamjo
Ashley Ann FULLER an
My neighbor is a BLONDE! HEr name is Ashley Fuller! well my little sister was saying right before Christmas “Ashley, Do you belive in Santa Claus?” Ashley (14) said “Of course Megan, I do!” Then my little sister came home and told me what she found out… I then walked over to Ashley’s house and go “GIRL u r 14 how can u STILL belive in Santa????” she siad “well unlike your house Santa comes to my house every night.. I dont leave him MILk .. we crate white stuff!
Sniffer
A man is sitting in a plane which is about to take off when another man with a dog occupies the empty seats alongside. The dog takes the middle seat, and his handler explains that they work for the airline.
“Don’t mind Rover,” the handler says, “he is a sniffer dog, the best there is. I’ll show you once we get airborne and I set him to work.”
The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says to the first man, “Watch this.” He tells the dog, “Rover, search!”
The dog jumps down, walks along the aisle and sits next to a woman for a few seconds. It then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the handler’s arm. He says, “Good boy!”
He turns to the first man and says, “That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I’m making a note of this, and the seat number, for the police who will apprehend her on arrival.”
“Fantastic!” replies the first man.
Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. The dog sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat and places both paws on the handler’s arm. The handler says, “That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I’m making a note of this, and the seat number.”
“Wow!” says the first man.
Once again, the handler sends the dog to search the aisles. Rover goes up and down the plane aisle and after a while sits down next to someone, and then comes racing back, jumps up onto the seat, and rolls over and plays dead!!!!!
The first man is surprised and disgusted by this, and asks, “What the heck was THAT for???!!”
The handler replies, “He just found a bomb.”