As you know, Michael Jackson late again to court twice this week… have you seen him?
Two people helping him walk into the building; he’s constantly late; he’s crying a lot; he’s walking stiffly…
I think he’s going through menopause.” –Jay Leno
Author: admin
Siner!
Tommy goes into a confessional box and says, “Bless me
father for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.”
The Priest says, “Is that you, Tommy?
Tommy says “Yes father, it’s me.”
The Priest says “Who was the woman you were with?”
Tommy says “I cannot tell you, father, because I don’t want
to ruin her reputation.”
The priest asks, “Was it Brenda O’Malley?”
Tommy replies “No, father.”
The priest asks, “Was it Fiona MacDonald?”
Tommy replies “No.”
The priest asks, “Was it Ann Brown?”
Tommy replies “No.”
The priest asks, “Was it Mary Elizabeth O’Shea?”
Tommy replies “No, father.”
The priest asks, “Was it Amy Thomas?”
Tommy replies “No, father.”
The priest asks, “Was it little Cathy Morgan?”
Tommy replies “NO father! I cannot tell you.”
The priest finally says, “Tommy, I admire your perseverance,
but you must atone for your sins. Your penance will be four
‘Our Fathers’ and five ‘Hail Mary’s’. Now go back to your
seat.”
Tommy walks back to his pew and his buddy Sean slides over
and whispers, “What happened?!”
“Well, I got four Our Fathers, five Hail Mary, and six
good leads.”
Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog….
Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
a very stupid joke
PLEASE DO AS THE INSTRUCTIONS SAY[meaning,GET
UP]
spin around 10x really fast…………………….
hop 12 times w/out stopping…………………
spin,hop,spin,hop,spin,hop…………….
STOP,now fall………..
[now please scroll down till u see the
moril of this joke]
there isnt one, i just just wanted to see if u were that stupid
to do what it
said!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Adam and Eve
Adam and Eve were the happiest and the luckiest couple in the world, because neither of them had a mother-in-law.
Dog Lick
Q: Why can a dog lick his balls and a man can’t ?
A: The dog might bite you.
Greatest hitter
A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat. “I’m the greatest hitter in the world,” he
announced.
Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed.
“Strike One!” he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, “I’m the greatest hitter in the world!”
He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he swung again and missed. “Strike Two!” he cried.
The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He straightened his cap and said once more, “I’m the greatest
hitter in the world!”
Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed. “Strike Three!”
“Wow!” he exclaimed. “I’m also the greatest pitcher in the world!”
Have a life after death
“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees. “Yes, Sir.” the new recruit replied. “Well, then, that makes everything just fine,” the boss went on. “After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you
SIGNS YOUR PASTOR NEEDS A VACATION
– His first words to the congregation on Sunday morning are “alright, listen
up you heathens…”
– He falls asleep during his own sermon.
– He shows up for Sunday service wearing Bermuda shorts and a Tank Top
– Every time his pager goes off, he shouts, “Why can’t they just leave me
alone?!”
– Announces baptismal services will be at the Grand Canyon
– You go to his office for counseling and pour your heart out to him and he
says, “Sounds like a personal problem to me.”
– For the past two months he has preached the same sermon every Sunday.
Sorry fell
there was a guy who thoght his wife was cheating on him.so he went to the pet store to by a hamster to watch her while he was gone.he saw one hamster it was $500 dollers he thoght it was too much.he saw another one but it was $200 dollers.still too much.he saw one that was $25 dollers, he took it.the pet store manager said “there are 2 things you have to know,1 it tells you everything that happened that day and 2 it hangs by its balls.so he names the hamster charlie.he gtes back from work and says,””charlie what hyappened today.”mail man come.then wa=hat happened mail man deliver mail.then what happened.wife invite mail man inside.then what happened.mail man take wifes shirt off.then what happened. mail man and wife have sex. then what happened.sorry,fell of boner.
Q: How many Soviet
Q: How many Soviet emigres does it take to change a light bulb?A: None. Soviet emigres are used to sitting in the dark.
Nurse Nancy
Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Nancy.
“She’s incredibly mixed up,” said one doctor. “She does everything absolutely backwards. Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of morphine every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He damn near died on us!”
The second doctor said, “That’s nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tries to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy damn near exploded!”
Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the hall.
“Oh my God!”, said the first doctor, “I just realised I told Nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smith’s boil!”