Author: admin

Rude, Crude, and Lewd!

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Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your Mom.

Q: What is the quickest way to clear out a men’s rest room?
A: Say, “Nice dick.”

Q: What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast infection?
A: An itchy, twitchy twat.

Q: Are birth control pills deductible?
A: Only if they don’t work.

Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
A: If we don’t get some support soon, people are going to think we’re nuts!

Q: Why don’t bunnies make noise when they make love?
A: Because they have cotton balls.

Q: Mom’s have Mother’s Day, Father’s have Father’s Day.
What do single guys have?
A: Palm Sunday

Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.

Heart Transplant

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A man needing a heart transplant is told by his doctor that the only heart available is that of a sheep. The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants the sheep heart into the man. A few days after the operation, the man comes in for a checkup. The doctor asks him “How are you feeling?” The man replies “Not BAAAAD!”

Spelling & grammar

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The teacher decided to give the class a pop quiz on this week’s spelling words.

“Now, class, you are to spell the words, then use them in a sentence,” explains the teacher.

“The three words are hotel, stigma, and homosexual.”

So Little Johnny stands up and says, “OK, Teach, I’ll give it a shot. First word, H-O-T-E-L. The president asked Monica to keep their affair under wraps, but Linda Tripp made the ho tel.”

Teacher says, “Uh, that’s not the correct way to use that word, try another one.”

Little Johnny says, “Alright teach, S-T-I-G-M-A. The president said to Monica, “I want you to stig ma cigar in you know what.”

Teacher says, “Now, Johnny. You spelled the word right, but didn’t use it correctly!”

“OK, teach, how ’bout this? H-O-M-O-S-E-X-U-A-L. The president asked Monica not to wear any panties because he thought it made the ho mo sexual!”

Submitted by admin
Edited by yisman

Tons of Q & A for Kids!

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Q: What’s red and goes up and down?
A: A tomato in an elevator.

Q: What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue?
A: We have to stick together.

Q: What do you say when you meet a two-headed monster?
A: Hello, hello.

Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldoser.

Q: When is a baseball player like a thief?
A: When he steals a base.

Q: What did the can say to the can opener?
A: You make me flip my lid.

Q: What is a volcano?
A: A mountain with the hiccups.

Q: What do you find at the end of everything?
A: The letter “g”.

Q: What did the elephant do when he hurt his toe?
A: He called a toe truck.

Q: Why do two skunks argue?
A: Because they like to kick up a stink.

Q: What did the adding machine say to the cashier?
A: You can count on me.

Q: What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
A: Put them in a barking lot.

Q: Why did the cat sleep with a fan on?
A: He wanted to be a cool cat.

Q: What did the painter say to the wall?
A: One more crack and I’ll plaster you.

Q: Why is baseball like a cake?
A: They both need batters.

Q: What did one dandelion say to the other dandelion?
A: Take me to your weeder.

Q: What kind of shoes do you make with banana skins?
A: Slippers!

Q: What did the rug say to the floor?
A: I’ve got you covered!

Q: How do you make antifreeze?
A: You steal her blanket.

Q: Why does a cow wear a bell?
A: Because her horns don’t work.

Una mujer va con el

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Una mujer va con el m�dico a pedirle que le coloque silicona en el busto.

“�Las m�ximas?”, pregunta el galeno.

“S�”.

“Pepe, Pepe trae las siliconas at�micas”.

Despu�s de que se las colocaron, la se�ora dice:

“Me gustan as� de grande, pero doc, creo que hay un problema: estas tetas no tienen pez�n”

Enojado, el m�dico le reclama a su asistente:

“�Pepe, me trajiste un poto!”

Thirsty vampire

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a vampire walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of blood, naturally the barman tells him to get lost. an hour later another vampire walks into a bar and asks for a pint of blood, again the baraman tells him to get lost. an hour later another vampire walks into the bar, but before he can say anything the barman says “i guess you want a pint of blood” the vampire replies ” no thanks a pint of warm water will do just fine” the barman then exclaims ” but all the other vampires wanted blood” the vampire then pulls out a used tampon from his pocket and says “its all right, ive got a teabag”

Lost Buttons

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A man lost two buttons from his shirt and put them in his pants pocket. But
the pocket had a hole, so the buttons fell into his shoe.
Unfortunately, the shoe sole also had a hole, so he lost the buttons. Since
pockets with holes, holes without buttons, and shoe soles with holes are
useless, the man ripped the buttonholes out of his shirt and the pocket from his
pants and tossed them in the trash along with the soles of his shoes. After
looking in a mirror at the holes in his clothing, he decided to toss his clothes
in the trash as well.
A policeman observed all this and asked the man for identification. The man
produced a document that he was an ordained minister of the gospel. So, of
course, the policeman promptly escorted him to a mental institution.
The minister protested violently, asking why he was receiving such unjust
treatment.
“Look, it’s the best place for you now,” the policeman replied, “Anyone
claiming to be a preacher, but who doesn’t save souls or wear holy clothes has
probably lost his buttons.”

Juan and Amal Classic

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A California couple discovered the wife was pregnant, but the family simply couldn’t afford any more children. They looked around and found an excellent Hispanic family to adopt the child. Then they found out she was going to have twins. Fortunately, a family of Arab Americans agreed to adopt the other child. Twin healthy boys were born and passed along to the families, who named them Juan and Amal.

The biological parents kept in close touch with the adoptive parents in a very amicable relationships. One day, Juan’s family sent a picture of the youth in his baseball uniform. The biological mother was so proud of her son. She said to her husband, “He is so handsome! I wish we had a picture like this of our other son, too.”

He replied, “But dear, they are twins.
When you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal!”

Indian

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this indian walks into a whore house and says, me wantem pussy. the lady at the door says,sir do you have any experiance, he replied no mam thats why i’m here. she said ,we only accept experianced custermers. the indian was frusterated as he walked back to his tribe. then he sees a tree with a knot hole and says perfect. the indian then walkes back to the whore house again and says, me wantem pussy. the lady at the door said do you have experiance now, indian said yes mam. the lady sends him to this beutiful woman on the second floor. when he walked in she asked him for his preference, and he replied, get down on hands and knees. the whore is thinking doggy style, then out of no where the indian kicks her in the ass, she jumps up and said what the hell was that for. the indian said “me checkem for bumble bees”