The phone rang in the doctor’s surgery and a deep husky voice said “Doctor, I think you overdid the hormone injections the other day. My voice has gone very deep”the doctor replied “Don’t worry Miss Watson. It’s a perfectly natural reaction. It’ll be back to normal in a couple of days. By the way, while you’re on the phone, are there any other symptoms?”Well, yes, Doctor, There are” Said Miss Watson “I have got curly hair growing between my breasts””Oh, dear” said the doctor “That’s very unusual. Tell me, how far down does it go?””Down to my testicles” came the reply.
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Optimist v Pessimist
An optimist sees the best in the world, while a pessimist sees only the worst. An optimist finds the positive in the negative, and a pessimist can only find the negative in the positive.For example, an avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, “Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?””Yes, I sure did,” responded the pessimist. “He can’t swim.”
Question and answer blonde joke
Q: What’s the Blonde’s cheer?A: ” I’m blonde, I’m blonde, I’m B.L.O.N….ah, oh well.. I’m blonde, I’m blonde, yea yea yea…”
True Southerners Know
True Southerners know…
* the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit.
* pretty much how many fish make up a mess.
* what general direction cattywumpus is.
* that gimme sugar don’t mean pass the sugar.
* when somebody’s “fixin” to do something it wont be LONG.
* the difference between yankees and damn yankees.
* how good a cold grape nehi and cheese crackers are at a
country store.
* knows what “well I swanee” means.
* ain’t nobodys biscuits like grandmas biscuits.
* a good dog is worth his weight in gold.
* real gravy dont come from the store.
* when “by and by” is.
* how to handle their pot likker.
* the difference between “pret’ near” and “a right far piece.”
* the difference between a redneck and a good ol’ boy.
* never go snipe hunting twice.
* at one point learned what happens when you swallow tabacco
juice.
* you should never loan your tools, pick-up, or gun to nobody.
Grand canyon
yo mamma is so fat she makes the grand canyon look small!!!!!!!
Felines
Why are felines the best ever animals?
Because they’re purrrrrrrfect and grrrrrreat!
A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.
Q. Difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with
his wife…
A. A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.
How many Zen masters does it take to screw…
How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and one not to change it.
Royal Greetings?
What’s the difference between greeting royalty and greeting President Clinton?
You only go down on one knee to greet royalty!
Knock KnockWho’s there?Gopher!Gopher who!Gopher broke!
Knock KnockWho’s there?Gopher!Gopher who!Gopher broke!
In bed wit your mama
was in bed wit your mama last night and she said ya that feels better than my son does it
And Who Are These for, Little Boy?
Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, one is four. The
nine-year-old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the
register for checkout. The cashier asks, “Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?”
The nine-year-old replies, “Nope, not for my mom.” Without thinking, the
cashier responded, “Well, they must be for your sister then?” The nine-year-old
responded, “Nope, not for my sister either.”
The cashier had now become curious. “Oh. Not for your mom and not for your
sister — then who are they for?”
The nine-year old say, “They’re for my four-year-old little brother.” The
cashier is surprised: “Your four year-old-brother?”
The nine-year-old explains: “Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of
these, you can swim or ride a bike — and my little brother can’t do either of
those things.”