Why did Lewinsky have an affair with Clinton?
She wanted to get ahead in the world.
Author: admin
An old occupation
What happens when people of different occupations get old.- Old policemen never die, they just cop out.- Old preachers never die, they just ramble on, and on, and on, and on….- Old printers never die, they’re just not the type.- Old programmers never die, they just branch to a new address.
A Good Year
Do you know the difference between a good year and 365 used condoms?
Answer: A fucking good year!!!!!
Tired gynocologist
What did the gynocologist say to his wife when he got home?
I’m Bushed!
How to drown
How do you drown a blonde??
Dont tell her to swallow.
Had Any Stiff Ones
A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it over. He walks up to the car and sees a nice-looking woman is driving and smells liquor on her breath. He says, “I’m going to have to give you the breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol.”
She blows up the balloon and he walks over to the police car.
After a couple of minutes comes back and says, “It looks like you’ve had a couple of stiff ones.”
She replies “You mean it shows that, too?”
Genie and wishes for three guys
Okay, there’s these three ugly guys walking through the park when they come up to a bottle, so out of curiosity, they rub the bottle, and POOF, a genie appears.The genie says, “You rescued me, so I will give you each 2 wishes.”The first guy says, “I would like a million dollars and a foot long dick.”The second guy says, “I want two million dollars and a two foot long dick.”And the third guy says, “I want five million dollars and a dick I can make any size I want at any time.”So anyway, the next day comes, and the 3 guys see the genie walking through the park, and the genie says to them, “So guys, how you do you like your wishes?”The first guy says, “Well, the money is nice and all, but this dick, is just too much. I mean, I’m still ugly, and this huge dick is just in the way. I find it hard to run, I see a hot chick, and she KNOWS I’m checking her out, if you know what I mean.”So the genie says, “Okay, I’ll change it back, then”, and he changes it back.”The 2nd guy says, “I also find that the money is nice and all, but this dick is just way too huge. I mean, I’m still ugly, and now I’m a freak with a huge dick, can you change it back?”And the genie says, “Sure.” and he changes it back.So the genie asks the third guy, “Hey, the other two guys don’t like their new dicks and wanted them changed back, do you want me to change back yours?”And the guy says, “Are you crazy? I love this new dick. I mean I’m still ugly and all, but do you see that hot blonde over there? BOOM, got her.”
Yo mama
Yo mama so fat when she put on a yellow jacket someone yelled taxi
Swimming contest
There was a Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead standing on the beach.
They had decided the previous evening whilst in the pub to try and swim the English channel.
After some discussion, they decided the quickest way would be to do the breast stroke, so off they set.
One day later the redhead reached the French coast.
Having lost sight of the other two swimmers just off the English coast she decided that they couldn’t be far behind so sat on the beach looking out to sea waiting for the other two.
After a cold night of waiting, the brunette finally came into sight.
“What took you so long?” inquired the redhead.
“There were some strong currents out there! But I’m here now! Am I the last?” replied the brunette.
“No. Blondie is still out there somewhere.” They decided to wait.
Day after day the two swimmers sat on the beach until on the 5th day Blondie came into view.
Once on dry land the brunette asked the blonde, “What took you so long?”
“What do you expect? You guy’s cheated,” replied the indignant blonde, “You used your hands!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
You might be a Redneck Jedi. . .
You Might be a Redneck Jedi if… Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color. You have ever used your lightsaber to open a bottle of Jack Daniel’s. You think the best use of your lightsaber is picking your teeth. At least one wing of your X-Wing is Bondo colored. There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder. You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder. You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok without using the word ‘chicken’. You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks. You think that Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets. A peaceful meditation session is one without gas. You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE force. Your master ever said, ‘My finger you will pull..hmmm?’ You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard. You ever lost a hand during a light-saber fight because you had to spit. The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters. Wookies are offended by your B.O. You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn’t have to wait for a commercial. You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling. You have ever used a lightsaber to clean fish or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer. Your father has ever said to you, ‘Shoot, son come on over to the dark side, it’ll be a hoot.’ You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light. The moonshine still you built on Endor is hidden so well even the Ewoks can’t find it. You have a stuffed womp rat anywhere in your home. You think the symbol for the Rebel Alliance should be the Confederate flag. More than half the droids you own don’t function. The number of blasters you own exceeds your I.Q. You wonder why Luke and Leia gave up on getting married. You used a carbon-freezing chamber to mount the Wampa you shot while on vacation on Hoth. Your moonshine is made on a real moon. You don’t like wearing a Jedi robe because it prevents access to the dip stored in your back pocket. Sandpeople back down from your mama. You’ve ever used Jedi mind control to talk your way out of a speeding ticket or DUI. You’ve ever strangled someone with the force because they laughed at your accent. You built an outhouse over the Sarlaac. You’ve ever argued with a Jawa over scavenging rights to a broken droid. A Wookie has ever told you that you need to shave. You have ever wrecked a landspeeder while trying to light a cigarette with your lightsaber. You don’t think the Ewoks are primitive. You think an AT-AT looks like a giant cow. You don’t think Jabba’s pig guards have a hygiene problem. The Rancor monster refused to eat you. You consider your lightsaber the ultimate bug zapper. You discover that your greatest enemy is, in fact, your father. And your uncle. And your brother…
100 blondes
What do ya get when ya line up 100 blondes ear to ear
A wind tunnel
SADDAM HUESAIN
SADDAM HUSSEIN CALLED USA AND TOLD THEM ILL GIVE YOU $100,000,000 IF YOU MAKE A STAMP OF MY FACE ……………….SO USA AGREAD. 2 WEAKS AFTER USA CALL BACK SADDAM AND SAY IAM SORRY THE STAMPS DID NOT WORK OUT,HE SAID WHY?THE PEOPLE ARE SPITTING ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE STAMP.