Why didn’t JFK Jr. take a shower before he left?
He said he would wash-up on shore.
Author: admin
Chess Players
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the
lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the
manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they
asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting
in an open foyer.”
Una novicia reci�n ingresada en
Una novicia reci�n ingresada en un convento comienza por primera vez con los rituales matutinos. Siguiendo en fila a las otras hermanas, llega a la capilla donde se encontraba expuesto el Sant�simo y observa que aquellas se inclinan diciendo:
“Yo me ofrezco”.
Una tras otra:
“Yo me ofrezco”.
Cuando llega su turno, la novicia se inclina diciendo:
“�Yo meo calientito y espumoso!”
Two rules to success in
Two rules to success in life: 1. Don’t tell people everything you know.
Warm, Soft, & Gooey
A man went into a grocery store, got 3 cans of dog food, and walked up to the checkout counter.
The cashier asks the man, “Sir, do you own a dog?”
The man replies, “Yes I do.”
The cashier then asks, “Do you have the dog with you?”
The man replies, “No, I left it at home.”
The cashier then says, “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell you this dog food unless I see your dog.”
A few days later the man walks into the same store, gets 3 cans of cat food, and walks up to the checkout counter.
The same cashier asks, “Sir, do you own a cat?”
The man replies, “Yes I do.”
The cashier then asks, “Do you have your cat with you?”
And the man replies, “No, I left it at home.”
Then the cashier says, “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell you this cat food unless I see your cat.”
A few days later the man walks into the store, this time carrying a paper bag.
He walks up to the same cashier, and asks him to put his hand into the bag.
The cashier says, “It feels warm, soft, and gooey.”
The man then says, “Now, can I go back and get 3 rolls of toilet paper?”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
Symbolize two political parties
Question: Why the symbol of the Republicans in the US is an elephant, but that
of the Democrats is an ass?
Answer: Because no ass can symbolize two political parties at the same time.
Two roaches having a discussion
Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion
about a new restaurant.
“I was in that new restaurant across the street,” said one. “It’s so clean!
The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt
anywhere–it’s so sanitary that the whole place shines.”
“Please,” said the other roach frowning. “Not while I’m eating!”
What’s up Doc…
A guy says, “Doctor, Doctor! Help me, I keep thinking I’m getting smaller!”
Doctor replies, “Well, you’ll just have to be a little patient.”
Submitted by curtis
Edited by calamjo
Little Johnny- F in Arithmetic
Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
“Why?” asks the father.
“The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3?’ I said ‘6’”
“But that’s right!”
“Then she asked me ‘How much is 3×2?'”
His father asks, “What’s the fucking difference?”
Johnny says, “That’s exactly what I said!”
Smokey and the Bandit
You know you’re a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since “Smokey and the Bandit” was snubbed for best picture.
Sex Quiz
Instructions: For each answer, you will have three clues. Try to determine what the object or thing is that is being described. For every correct answer you give, give yourself 2 points, for every incorrect answer deduct 2 points. If you score less than 14 points, you are in need of more sex. If you score between 14 points and 21 points, you are in need of more love. If you score over 21 points, you are classed as having a great sex experience.
Now please begin.
“CLUES”
1. I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good..
2. I’m spread before I’m eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes lick my nuts.
3. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I’m called a big swinger.
4. Over 1,000 people went down on me. I wasn’t maiden for long. A big hard thing ripped me open.
5. You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
6. When I go in I cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole.
7. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first.
8. All day long, it’s in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me.
9. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard.
10. If I miss, I hit your bush. It’s my job to stuff your box. When I come, it’s news.
11. I offer Protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off.
12. I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
13. My business is briefs. I am a cunning linguist. I plead and plead for it.
Answers:
1. nose
2. peanut butter
3. crane
4. Titanic
5. tent
6. dentist
7. wedding ring
8. elevator
9. chewing gum
10. newspaper boy
11. glove
12. arrow
13. attorney
Yo Momma so nasty
Your momma so nasty she charges $10 for sex, gives ya lice, when ya come back to complain she says – “For $10 what do ya expect, lobster?