Yours Fun Portal !
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
mechanic, “It died.”
After he works on it for a few minutes, it’s idling She asks,
“What’s the story?” He replies, “Just crap in the carburetor.”
She says, “How often do I have to do that?”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Uriah!Uriah who?Keep Uriah on the ball!
One fine summer day, a man took his 6 year-old daughter to the
beach. This was in fact a nude beach. So, they got undressed and
laid on the beach towel. The little girl saw the man’s penis and
asked, “Daddy, what’s that?” He replied, “That’s my bird. Don’t
touch my bird. He’ll get mad.” So, the little girl left the bird
alone and started to make a sand castle. Time goes by and she
realizes that her daddy was sleeping. The bird was staring right
at her, so she decides to go and pet it. The man wakes up in the
hospital. He asks his daughter, “What happened? Why am I in the
hospital?” She says, “Well, I saw your lonely bird just sitting
there, and I wanted to pet it. So I did. The next thing I knew,
he stood up and spit all over me! So, I burned its nest, smashed
its eggs, and broke its neck.”
A white horse jumped into a pile of mud.
Not by me….I heard it in school
A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. As she takes off her
blouse, he notices a red “H” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your
chest?” asks the doctor.
� Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he’s so proud of it that he never takes
off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love�, she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off
her blouse, he notices a blue “Y” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on
your chest?” asks the doctor.
� Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he’s so proud of it that he never takes
off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love�, she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off
her blouse, he notices a red “M” on her chest. “Do you have a boyfriend at
Michigan?” asks the doctor.
� No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?”
Some sad news… King Fahd has died and in respect, the Saudi family lowered the flag and raised oil prices.
-Jay Leno
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.128. Scatter stuffed animals around the room. Put party hats on them. Play loud music. When your roommate walks in, turn off the music, take off the party hats, put away the stuffed animals, and say, “Well, it was fun while it lasted.”
How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a round room and tell her to find a corner.
How does a blonde confuse you?
She tells you she found one.
In honor of National Pet Dental Health Month in February, a Kansas company has launched a 24-hour “Doggy Breath Hot line” that lets callers anonymously report the names and addresses of dogs with bad breath. The sponsor of the hot line, Hill’s Pet Nutrition, will then mail a packet of information on possible cures to the offending pooch. No word yet on a hot line to report lint balls with bad breath.
Estaban dos gallinas en el granero discutiendo sobre cu�l de las dos pon�a el huevo mayor.
La primera dijo:
“Co, co, co, co. A que yo te gano”.
“S�, pues a ver”.
Entonces la primera, azuzada, puja y puja y, �plug!, pone un huevo de 10 cm de di�metro.
“Ja, pues ahorita ver�s”, dice la otra gallina.
Y puja, puja, y puja, y pone un huevo de 20 cm de di�metro.
“Je, je, je, �c�mo te qued� el ojo?”
“Y a ti, �c�mo te qued� el culo?”
A farmer walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a divorce.
The attorney asked, “May I help you?”
The farmer said, “Yeah, I want to get one of them dayvorces.”
The attorney said, “Well do you have any grounds?”
The farmer said, “Yeah, I got about 140 acres.”
The attorney said, “No, you don’t understand, do you have a case?”
The farmer said, “No, I don’t have a Case, but I have a John Deere.”
The attorney said, “No, you don’t understand, I mean do you have a grudge?”
The farmer said, “Yeah, I got a grudge, that’s where I park my John Deere.”
The attorney said, “No sir, I mean do you have a suit?”
The farmer said, “Yes, sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays.”
The exasperated attorney said, “Well, sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?”
The farmer said, “No sir, we both get up about 4:30.”
Finally, the attorney said, “Okay, let me put it this way: why do you want a divorce?”
The farmer replied, “Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing
Implants
There once was a man who had a phone implanted in his hand
and he walked into a biker bar. Shortly, his hand started to
ring and he picked his hand up and answered it. This procedure
happened one or two more times, and finally the bartender asked
what the heck he was doing, so he told him he had a cell phone
implanted in his hand, and the bartender told him he better be
careful because the boys at the bar did not like freaks like
him. He took the advice. A few minutes later he headed for the
bathroom and did not come back for ten minutes, then fifteen and
fifteen turned into twenty. The bartender went in to check up on
him to see if he had been hurt by a biker and sure enough, he
had his pants down to his ankles and toilet paper stuffed up his
butt. The bartender asked, “I warned you about this!”
And the man replied, “No, you have the wronge idea, I am just
getting a fax!”