YO MOMMA BUT SO BIG DONKEYKONG POPPED OUT AND SAID KEEP ON AMERICA
Author: admin
Thanksgiving Forecast…
Thanksgiving Forecast:
Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190F.The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder.
During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy.
A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway.During the evening, the turkey will dimish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34F in the refrigerator.
Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established.Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the day.We expect a warming trend where soup develops.By early next week, eating pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone.
What do you get when you cross a rooster and…
What do you get when you cross a rooster and a telephone pole?
A 40ft cock that wants to reach out and touch someone.
yo mama is so stupid instead she sits on the…
yo mama is so stupid instead she sits on the couch and watches the television
Grease ‘Summer Nights’ – Bill Clinton Style
Sing along to the theme from Grease The Movie “Grease – Summer Nights”
Bill: “Summer intern, had me a blast”
Monica: “White house intern, happened so fast”
Bill: “Met a girl, crazy for me”
Monica: “Met the prez, down on my knees”
Bill: “Summer days, sucking away, oh, I, but those summer nights”
Grand Jury: “Well, ah.. well, ah….well, ah. uh. Tell us more, tell us more”
Linda Tripp: “Try to remember your best”
Grand Jury: “Tell us more, tell us more”
Kenneth Starr: “Did he cum on your dress?”
Grand Jury: Uh-huh….Uh-huh…Uh-huh….
Grand Jury: Uh-huh….Uh-huh….Uh-huh….
Bill: “Wanted to screw her but she had a cramp”
Monica: “The prez is sexy – he makes my panties damp”
Bill: “She gave me head, right in the White House”
Monica: “I said OK, just don’t come in my mouth”
Bill: “Summer days, gobbling away, oh, I, but those summer nights”
Grand Jury:”Well, ah.. well, ah….well, ah. uh. Tell us more, tell us more”
Linda Tripp: “He sounds like a swell guy”
Grand Jury:”Tell us more, tell us more”
Kenneth Starr:”Did he tell you to lie?”
(Slower now)
Bill: “Press found out, it turned into a mess”
Monica: “He gave me fifty bucks to buy a new dress”
Bill: “She promised to lie, she made a vow”
Monica: “Wonder who is servicing him now”
Bill & Monica: “Sex filled dreams, ripped at the seam But………oh Those White House Nights
Chicken road thing!
GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is
either against us or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image
of the chicken crossing the road.
JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road I am now against it!
RALPH NADER:
The chicken’s habitat on the other side of the road had been polluted
by unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled
habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the
wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
RUSH LIMBAUGH:
I don’t know why the chicken crossed the road, but I’ll bet it was
getting a government grant to cross the road, and I’ll bet that somebody
out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with
crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this
can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their
tax dollars. And when I say tax dollars, I’m talking about your money,
money the government took from you to build a road for chickens to
cross.
MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay — isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see
the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the
”other side’. That’s what they call it the other side. Yes, my friends,
that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay
too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination
that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like
“the other side.”
DR. SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the
chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.
MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads
without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA:
In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody
told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its
life long dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together – in
peace.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX:
It was an historic inevitability.
CAPTAIN KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken had ever gone before.
SIGMUND FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the
road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES:
I have just witnessed eChicken2003, which will not only cross roads,
but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
checkbook…. and Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken.
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the
chicken?
BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of
chicken?
AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!
THE BIBLE:
And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the chicken “THOU SHALT CROSS THE ROAD.” And the chicken didst cross the road, and there was much rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?
Submitted by yisman
Edited by Curtis
Fat mama with Malcom X jacket
Your mama is sooooo fat, that when she wears her Malcom X jacket,
helicopters try to land.
ABC’s overnight news show, World
ABC’s overnight news show, World News Now, has a recurring segment called
“World News Then”, where they air pieces of ABC News broadcasts as they
covered various important events of the past. Last April 1st,
they decided that instead of running a piece from a few decades ago, it
would be more interesting to go back a few millennia. One of the stories
they rebroadcast was the following report from 2400 BC:
“Egypt’s emerging papyrus technology continues to alarm parents and law
enforcement. A new bill introduced today would let the government
regulate material found on papyrus. Legislators said paperspace, as it
is known to so-called ‘writers’, is becoming a haven for monotheists,
con artists and worse hoping to prey on the young and gullible. A little
bit later in this broadcast we will have some tips on how to shield your
children from offensive and dangerous material found on the dangerous
papyrus.”
To achieve the impossible, one
To achieve the impossible, one must think the absurd; to look where everyone else has looked, but to see what no one else has seen.
Anyone who makes an absolute
Anyone who makes an absolute statement is a fool.
Egg problems
What are 3 problems about being an egg?
You only get laid once, the only woman to sit on your face is your mother, and it takes 4 minutes to get hard.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
A verbal contract isn’t worth
A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on.