Nuns where repainting their chapel. They kept getting paint on their clothes
so they decided to remove them, but agreed not to let ANYONE in until they were
done and replaced their clothing. Then they heard some one knocking and one of
them yelled, “Whooo is it?”
��the blind man!” He yelled back.
They decided since he was blind it would be all right.
They opened the door and the man said, ”Nice boobs! Where do you want the
blinds?”
Author: admin
Damn smokers
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. “I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look” she said. “What’s your secret for a long and happy life?” “I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day.” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise.” “That’s amazing.” the woman said. “How old are you?” “Twenty-six.” he said.
K.C. Jones
K.C. Jones was a mean son of bitch
drove his train in the sewer ditch
Couldn’t swim couldnt float
199 turds went dow his throat
had 99 women lined up against the wall
said god lord help me I am going to bang them all
bang 98 backed off
jacked off
and banged the other one
Whale of a Time
What did the whale say to the dolphin when he pushed him??? I didn’t do it on porpoise!!!
Favorite holiday
What’s a Japanese girl’s favorite holiday?
Erection day.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Don’t let worry kill you
Don’t let worry kill you — let the church help. Thursday night – Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
The boss
Kyle and Justin were about to eat with their baby sitter when 6-year-old Kyle said, “You can’t sit in Daddy’s seat!”
“Daddy’s not home,” the baby sitter replied. “Since I’m responsible for you while he’s gone, I can sit here. Today I’m the boss.”
Justin, the 4 year old, quickly piped up, “If you’re the boss, you sit over there in Mommy’s chair!”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Yisman
Three newlywed couples were having breakfast…
Three newlywed couples were having breakfast together at the honeymoon hotel’s
restaurant. When the food finally
arrived, the first husband, eager to display his love for his bride said,
“Pass the honey, honey.”
Not to be outdone, the second husband said “Pass the sugar,
sugar.”
The third wife looked at her husband, expecting similar treatment. Not to be outdone
he blurted out
“Pass the pork, pig.”
How NOT to behave in your Doctor’s Office
How NOT to behave in your Doctor’s Office —————————————–OK, We all go the doctor for our aches, pains worries and some of us just to have someone to listen to our problems. Guess What, doctors are human too, so here are is a guide of what to do and not to do Code of Ethical Patient Behavior (The Patient’s ‘HYPOCRATIC’ Code’)1. DO NOT EXPECT YOUR DOCTOR TO SHARE YOUR DISCOMFORT They’ve already heard it before. Just sit back and take the pain2. BE CHEERFUL AT ALL TIMES If you make your doctors unhappy, they might just make a slip with the needle as they are inserting it into your butt.3. TRY TO SUFFER FROM THE DISEASE FOR WHICH YOU ARE BEING TREATED Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold. It wouldn’t look to good if you are smiling when the medical books indicate you should be wincing4. IT’S STILL SEXUAL HARRASSMENT Even if you’re babes, your sustained and repeated come-ons to pay in ‘trade’ are still harrassment.5. NEVER ASK YOUR DOCTOR TO EXPLAIN WHAT HE IS DOING OR WHY HE IS DOING Hey, 4 years of medical school, 4 – 7 years in residency and another one or two in fellowships have already made it impossible for your doctorto speak normal English anyway.6. SUBMIT TO NOVEL EXPERIMENTAL TREATMENT READILY Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting research paper will surely be of widespread interest, and you might even become famous in a medical textbook, or if you really complain enough, have a procedure named after you.7. PAY YOUR MEDICAL BILLS PROMPTLY AND WILLINGLY See #2, Keep you doctor happy..8. NEVER DIE WHILE IN YOUR DOCTOR’S PRESENCE OR UNDER HIS DIRECT CARE Really bad form9. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR SMELLING LIKE THAT… YES WE DO SMELL YOU… TAKE A BATH Your treatment room can’t be used for others for the rest of the day and you almost killed the doctor.10. FARTING IS NOT ‘NATURAL AND ORDINARY’ JUST CAUSE YOU’RE WITH A DOCTOR You may likely be told you need a referral to a ‘specialist’ . 11. IT TURNS OUT THE NURSES DO NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU It’s a shame but true…
duck walks into a feed
A duck walks into a feed store and asks, ”Got any duck feed?”
The clerk tells him, ”No, we don’t have a market for it it so we don’t carry it.”
The duck says, ”Okay” and leaves. The next day, the duck walks in to the feed store and asks, ”Got any duck feed?”
Again the clerk says no and the duck leaves.
Next day, the duck walks in, and asks, ”Got any duck feed?”
The clerk says, ”I’ve told you twice, we don’t have duck feed, we’ve never had duck feed and we never will have duck feed. If you ask me again, I’ll nail your feet to the floor.”
The duck leaves.
The next day, the duck walks in and asks, ”Got any nails?”
”No,” comes the reply.
”Got any duck feed?”
Hunting
Paul tries to take his friend hunting, but when they get to his favorite hunting spot, they find *No Trespassing* signs everywhere. Paul tells his friend to wait in the car and walks up to the nearby farmhouse. The farmer answers the door, and Paul says, “Sir, I’ve hunted on this property all my life, but now I notice you have a bunch of signs up. I wanted to see if it was still OK for me to hunt here.”
The farmer scratches his chin for a bit and says, “I’ll make you a deal. We’ve got this cow out back that we have to kill for food, but we’ve grown too attached to it. If you go out back and shoot my cow, I’ll let you hunt on my property.”
Walking back to the car, Paul decides to play a joke on his friend. “That old bastard won’t let us hunt on his property,” he tells him. “I’m going to shoot his cow!”
He then walks over to the side of the house and-BLAM! Suddenly two more shots ring out behind him, and his friend runs up, yelling, “I got the cat and dog too! Let’s get the hell out of here!”
Scientists say
Scientists have determined that the average time of intercourse lasts 4 minutes. The average number of strokes is 9 per minute, making the average intercourse 36 strokes long. Since the average length of a penis is about 6 inches, the average girl receives 216 inches of penis or 18 feet of penis per intercourse.
If the average girl does it 3 times a week, (that makes 156 times annually) 156 x 18 feet of penis makes 2808 feet, or just over a half mile of penis per year.
If a girl starts having sex at 16, and since the average life span of a woman is 75, you could say that you could be getting 2808 feet of penis x 59 years of sex makes 165,672 feet, or 55,224 yards, or a little over 31 miles of penis in your lifetime.
Anyone whose getting more than that, well, yer just a big ol slut.