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Se encontraba un sujeto en

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Se encontraba un sujeto en un restaurante. Estaba comiendo cuando, de pronto, se encuentra un pelo en la sopa. Entonces le reclama al mesero:

“�Oiga, ya ni la chinga! �Qu� clase de servicio tan p�simo hay en este negocio, Necesito hablar con el gerente para quejarme!”

“Esp�rese, c�lmese, y d�game qu� le pasa �Por qu� est� tan molesto?”, dice el mesero.

“Lo que sucede es que me acabo de encontrar este pelo en la sopa!”, contesta iracundo el comensal.

“A ver, a ver, est� bien. Ese no es ning�n problema. �Deje se lo quito de la sopa y listo! �Por favor, no sea tan delicado!”, replica el mesero.

“No, s� no es que sea delicado, lo que pasa es que me gusta cada cosa en su momento. A ver, �a poco a ti te gustar�a estar mamando panocha y que de repente te saliera un espagueti?”

CAMPAIGN SLOGANS FOR GEORGE W. BUSH

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1. I’ll turn capital punishment into a new game show!

2. I promise to get cocaine off our streets: 1 kilo at a time.

3. I’ll finish what Bill started — the interns.

4. Like father, like son. You liked my dad, right?

5. Vote for the GOP, Not OPP.

6. I promise no sex scandal: just look at me.

7. New penal plan: I won’t use mine!

8. Read my lips: Al Gore Sucks.

9. George W. Bush: No hang-ups. Just hangovers

10. Vote for Bush and against Common Sense

This was in the Washington Post

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This was in the Washington Post … the title of the article was “Best Come
Back Line Ever.” In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22-year-old
white male resident of Dracula, GA, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday.
Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency,
and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday. The suspect
explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. “You know,
a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for
miles. At least I thought there wasn’t,” he stated in a phone interview.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out
a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and
proceeded to satisfy his alleged “need”. “Guess I was just really into it, you
know?” he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Lawrence
apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was
unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him. “It was an
unusual situation that’s for sure,” said Officer Taylor. “I walked up to
(Lawrence) and he’s… just working away at this bumpkin.” Taylor went on to
describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. “I just went up and said,
‘Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?’ He froze
and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in
the face and said, ‘A pumpkin? Damn…is it midnight already?’

One-Upmanship

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A little boy and a little girl, on a beach, are arguing. Little boy says to the little girl, “I have a Nintendo!”

Little girl says, “Oh yeah, well I have a Sega and a Nintendo!”

Little boy says, “So, my dad’s a doctor!”

Little girls says, “My dad’s an astronaut!”

Back and forth they went, each one trying to outdo the other until finally the little boy pulls down his shorts and proclaims, “But I have on of these!!!!” and shows the little girl his penis.

The little girl, not being able to retaliate, gets up and goes home. The next day, the little girl spots the little boy and proudly announces, “My mom said that with one of these (pointing to her’s) I can get as many of those as I want!!!!!!

A Whole Nude World (Theme from Aladdin)

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A Whole Nude World
by Caleb Harrelson
Sung to the theme of Aladdin (A whole new world)

!Aladdin!
I can show you my penis,
Big and sparkling and splendid,
I can make it extended
On my magic mattress ride.
I can open your thighs,
Rock your body like thunder,
Over, sideways, and under
On my magic mattress ride.

A whole nude world,
A new fantastic way to screw,
Everyone tells me “no,”
I need a blow,
So I can start my screaming.

!Jasmine!
A whole nude world,
My sizzling space you never knew,
But when you’re way down there,
Engrossed in hair,
Now I’m in a whole nude world with you.

!Aladdin!
Now I’m in a whole nude world with you.

!Jasmine!
Unbelievable size,
Indescribable squealing,
Leaning, bending, and kneeling
At my moist and gaping thighs.
A whole nude world

!Aladdin!
Don’t you dare close your thighs

!Jasmine!
A hundred thousand sperm in me

!Aladdin!
Hold your breath– it gets better

!Jasmine!
I’m like a shooting star,
I’ve come so far,
I can’t go back to my virginity.

!Aladdin!
A whole nude world

!Jasmine!
Every thrust of your thighs

!Aladdin!
With new positions we can screw

!Jasmine!
Every moment gets wetter

!Both!
I’ll lick you anywhere,
Hey, I don’t care,
Let me share this whole nude world with you.

!Aladdin!
A whole nude world

!Jasmine!
A whole nude world

!Aladdin!
That’s where we’ll be

!Jasmine!
That’s where we’ll be

!Aladdin!
A thrilling taste

!Jasmine!
Of my hot place

!Both!
To you from me.

Commuting to Work

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A recent college graduate took a new job in a hilly Eastern city and began
commuting each day to work through a tiring array of tunnels, bridges and
traffic jams. Thinking it would make the trip more bearable, he invited several
coworkers to share the ride. However, the commute actually got more stressful,
especially the trips through the tunnels. He consulted the company doctor.

“Doc,” the frustrated commuter complained, “I’m fine on the bridges, in the
traffic, in the day and at night, and even when Joe forgets to bathe all week.
But now, when I get in the tunnels with those four other guys crowded into the
car, I get anxious and dizzy, and I feel like I’m going to explode.”

Without further analysis, the doctor announced he had diagnosed the ailment.

“What is it, Doc? Am I going insane?”

“No, no, no, my boy. You have something that is becoming more and more
common.”

“Tell me! What is it?”

“You have what is known as Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.”