Ethnic Island

On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of the ocean, the following groups of people are stranded on separate islands:

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman

2 French men and 1 French woman

2 German men and 1 German woman

2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman

2 English men and 1 English woman

2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman

2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman

2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman

2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

2 American men and 1 American woman

One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following has occurred:

One Italian man has killed the other Italian man in a jealous rage.

The French men and the woman are living happily in a menage-a-trois.

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule – alternating visits with the German woman.

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other. The woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the woman.

The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the ocean and another long look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming.

The Japanese have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

The two Chinese men have set up pharmacy/liquor store/ restaurant/ laundry.

The Chinese woman is pregnant with their first employee.

The two Irish men divided the island into north and south and set up a distillery. Things get sort of foggy each night and they can’t remember if they’ve had sex with the Irish woman or not – but they’re satisfied because at least the English aren’t having any fun.

The two American men are contemplating suicide because the American woman keeps on complaining about sand in everything, insisting she can do everything they can do, expressing the need to equally divide and organize the household chores, maintaining that her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, speculating about whether all this means her relationship with her mother will improve and asking if the sand and palm trees make her look fat.

The Clinton Estate

What should be the official name for Bill & Hillary Clinton’s New York Estate”, asked Jayne Carroll, who hosts a radio talk show in the Portland, Oregon metropolitan area.On Friday, September 10th, Carroll asked her audience to suggest an official name for the Clinton $1.7 million house in New York. Carroll’s call-in contest required the names to be in relative good taste, original, and should capture the essence of the occupants.The response was overwhelming! Here’s some of the more witty: Perjurers’ Palace Hillbilly Villa The House of Bill’s Repute Drawers Downs Cheatem Estates Castle of Contempt Sin Simeon The House That Terrybought The Knee Pad The White Trash House The Blight House The Panderosa. Liars’ Lair Bill & Hill’s Bribe & Breakfast The Clinton Compost Dogpatch on the Hudson Rancho Immoral Deceitful Domicile Monica’s Man’s Manor The Hen House The Out House The Big House The Love Shack Lucifer’s Lair House of the Rising Son The House of Seven Felonies Cottage of Contempt Motel Sex But the hands-down winning entry was………. Can you guess????????????? DISGRACELAND!

The Problem in the P

This one can better be told in a pub. First three points on the table: a b c On a lies a beermat and on c stands a glass. The mathematican has to move the c to a. He takes the glas and puts it on the beermat. Now the glas is put on point b and the mathematican has to move it to a. The mathematican takes the glas and puts it on c – the problem has been reduced to one already solved.

Organic Vegetables

My wife asked me to buy organic vegetables from the market.

I went and looked around and couldn’t find any.

So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, “These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?”

The produce guy looked at me and said, “No, you’ll have to do that yourself.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown

Bar

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a Beer he gets a big cup of beer he says I wanted a small cup of beer the bartender says Everything in Texas is huge He then goes to another bar after he finished his beer He asks the bar tender for a cup of coffee he gets a big cup of coffee he tells the bartender I wanted a small cup of coffee the bartender told him that everything in Texas is huge the guy then asks the bartender where the bathroom is he sayed down the hall and to the left instead the guy went down the hall and to the right a life gaurd leans over and says can i help you the guy says DONT FLUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Knock Knock 121

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Maine!
Maine who?
Maine I come in now please!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Major!
Major who?
Major answer didn’t I!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Malcolm!
Malcolm who?
Malcome you didn’t do your homework!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Mali!
Mali who?
Mali Brown!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Manitoba!
Manitoba who?
Manitoba me hours to get out of here!

Cheeky Taxi Driver

Leaving the wedding reception the honeymoon couple hailed a cab to take them to their romantic boutique hotel in the hills. The driver wasn’t too sure how to get there and said he would ask directions when they got closer.Meanwhile, the lovers couldn’t wait and got down to it on the back seat. Seeing a fork in the road the driver said, “I take the next turn, right?””No way, get your own,” said the groom, “this one’s all mine.”

Meet The Pope

A deeply religious and very poor man heards the Pope is coming
to a city near where he lives. The man decides to sell all his
belongings and buy a beautiful suit and take a bus to the city.

The man stands by the side of the road on the first day of a
parade and sees the Pope in his Pope-mobile. Much to his delight
the Pope stops his Pope-mobile and gets out.

The Pope walks directly towards him and the man is
overjoyed…but then the Pope walks past and whispers into a
tramp’s ear and walks away.

The man talks to a tramp and offers his beautiful suit and the
little money in his pocket to him for the tramp’s smelly, ragged
clothes. The tramp quickly agrees.

The next day the man, wearing the tramp’s clothes, sits in
exactly the same spot as the tramp did. The Pope-mobile comes
down the street and sure enough it stops and the Pope gets out.

The pope walks directly over to the man and bends over to
whisper in his ear and says, “Didn’t I tell you yesterday to get
the fuck out of here?!”