Yesterday, i went all the way, not with my girl friend but with
a girl that i never meet. She was very nice, very cute but a
very nasty person. She told me that the only way we would have
sex is that if i meet her parents. So i agreed… we went to her
dads house. It was ok but not the best after we got back form
her dads house, we did it so that is how we had sex. haha
Author: admin
Bill Clinton’s Excuses
* Excuse me “Your Honor,” but she was on top.
* I didn’t want people to confuse me with the Pope on TV.
* She’s not THAT young. In Arkansas, the age of consent is only 16.
* Hey, at least she’s prettier than Paula Jones or Jennifer Flowers.
* I had to show the American People that I WASN’T impotent for my second term
in office.
* I was jealous of Nixon with his “Tricky Dick” nickname.
* I didn’t leave a message on her voicemail. Get with it. This is the 90’s, I
sent her E-MAIL!
* See I’m not a Lame duck. She said I was pretty GOOD!
* My real name is not William Jefferson Clinton. It’s William KENNEDY Clinton.
* I couldn’t control myself. It was genetic. I was in her jeans–oops, I
mean it was in my genes.
* I didn’t insert!
Unhappily Married
A man is walking down a beach during sunset when he stumbles across a lamp. Picking it up he says to himself, “I wonder if it’s magic. I think I’ll rub it and find out.”
Well sure enough this man rubs the lamp and a genie pops out. The genie says to the man, “I’m your genie and I am at your command. I shall grant you three wishes on one condition. Everything you wish for, your wife gets double.”
Well the man thought about it and finally blurted out, “Give me a million dollars.” So the genie gave him a million dollars and his wife two million while reminding him of the “one condition”.
Next the man said, ” I’d like a house on the east coast and a house on the west coast.” So the genie gave him his two houses and his wife four houses.
Finally the genie said, “You have one wish remaining but remember, your wife gets double.”
So the man thought for nearly an hour about his final wish. Looking up at the genie hovering over the sand he said with a sly grin on his face, “Ok Genie, I want you to beat me half to death.”
How babies are made
When her five-year-old daughter began asking questions about the facts of life, the mother carefully explained how babies were made. For several days, the child went over this fascinating new material with her mother. “So the sperm from Daddy fertilizes the ovum from Mommy and the baby is carried in Mommy’s tummy.”
“That’s right, honey” her mother said.
“But how does the sperm get there?” she asked. “Does Mommy swallow it?”
“If Mommy wants a new cocktail dress, she does,” came the reply.
Ya gotta love dem Cajuns
Young Boudreaux applied for an engineering job way, way up north in Shreveport. A local man applied for the same job and both applicants, having the same qualifications, were asked to take a test by the department manager.
Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one question. The manager went up to Boudreaux and said “Thank you for your interest, but we’ve decided to give the local man the job.” Boudreaux said “Why you gonna be doin dat sir, we both got 9 questions right?”
The manager said, “We made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the one you missed.”
Boudreaux asked “An jus how da heck would one incorrect answer be mo betta dan da otter?”
The manager replied, “Simple, the local man put down on question #5, ‘I don’t know,’ you put down, ‘neither do I.’
When he shows character, he’s acting.
Q: How is Bill like a character actor?
A: When he shows character, he’s acting.
You’re a redneck … you go to a
You’re a redneck if…. You go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.
The Top 13 Signs Your Neighbor Is a Mad Scientist
13> He’s constantly mixing up with chemicals in his garage, but hasn’t offered you any crystal meth.12> None of the other lawns on the block are bubbling.11> His archenemy? Bill Nye, the Science Guy.10> Whenever he starts his lawn mower, he shouts, “It’s alive. ALIVE!”9> Your trash: milk cartons and pizza boxes. His trash: assorted body parts and radioactive waste.8> At the civic association meeting, his recommendation for dealing with cut-through traffic involves nuclear warheads and extortion.7> Most other condo owners don’t get a weekly visit from a liquid nitrogen tank-refilling truck.6> Parts from all the dead pets you’ve buried in the back yard have been assembled into one big monster pet that’s now terrorizing the neighborhood.5> First he shrunk his kids and now he must have aimed the thing at your genitals.4> She does have the best ideas at the neighborhood watch meetings, but they always involve hiring minions.3> Accidentally sent a probe to *your* anus.2> Always muttering something about those fools who laughed at him back at the academy.1> You caught his tomato plant in your yard nibbling on your daughter’s rabbit. [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
Your momma
Yo momma so fat when I turn around I could still see her
“The Never-Ending Story 2”
I definitely think we’re in trouble.
I just saw an ad for a new movie sequel called…
“The Never-Ending Story 2”
LAPD case against OJ Simpson.
Q: What does the LAPD case against OJ Simpson &
the way Hillary knows when Chelsea is menstruating
have in common?
A: They both involve blood spots found on Socks.
Mother of Six
A man had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself that he started calling his wife, “Mother of Six,” in spite of her objections.
One night they went to a party. The man decided that it was time to go home and wanted to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouted at the top of his voice, “Shall we go home, Mother of Six?”
His wife, irritated by her husband’s lack of discretion shouted back, “Anytime you’re ready, Father of Four!”