Knock KnockWho’s there?Yehuda!Yehuda who?Yehuda dance all night!
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No natural light
This guy walks into the bar and tells the bartender he wants a beer, “anything but Natural light”.
Why not Natural Light the bartender say’s, “you always drink Natural Light”?
“Not anymore, buddy, last night I got so Drunk on natural Light, I went home and blew chunks”.
Well, the bartender say’s, everybody does that when they get that drunk, you know, that�s no big deal…
“You don�t understand, buddy, Chunks is my dog!”
Upside-Down Blonde
Q: What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A: A brunette with bad breath!
Fishing with grampa
a kid and his grampa were fishing and the grampa lit up a cigarette and the boy said can i have one the grampa said can u touch ur dick to your assholle and the boy said no
well an hour goes bye and the grampa grabs a beer and the boy says can i have one and the grampa says can you touch your dick to your asshole and the boy says no
another hour goes by and the boy has some cookies and the grampa says can i have one and the boy says can u touch your dick to your asshole and the grampa says proudly yes i can and and the boy says go fuck yourself these are my cookies
A POEM FOR MOMS AND DADS
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my sanity to keep.
For if some peace I do not find,
I’m pretty sure I’ll lose my mind.
I pray I find a little quiet
Far from the daily family riot
May I lie back–not have to think
about what they’re stuffing down the sink,
or who they’re with, or where they’re at
and what they’re doing to the cat.
I pray for time all to myself
(did something just fall off a shelf?)
To cuddle in my nice, soft bed
(Oh no, another goldfish–dead!)
Some silent moments for goodness sake
(Did I just hear a window break?)
And that I need not cook or clean–
(well heck, I’ve got the right to dream)
Yes now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my wits about me keep,
But as I look around I know–
I must have lost them long ago!
Getting the Recipe
Here is a story about a famous food critic’s recent visit to Europe last summer. He had a delightful time sampling the cusine in Italy, France and Germany, but he made the mistake of stopping off in London on the way home.
Needless to say, he found English food bland and overcooked. However, one day he had a great meal of fish & chips at a London pub. He asked the manager of the pub if he could have the recipe for the fish and chips.
The manager confessed that he bought his fish and chips from a nearby monestary, and so our critic would have to get the recipe from one of the brothers.
So he quickly ran down the street to the monestary and knocked on the door. When one of the brothers came to the door, he asked him if he were the “Fish Friar.”
The brother repiled, “Nope, I’m the Chip Monk!”
Phallic symbol
Camilla had come to see Dr. Hardy.
When the shrink began using sexual terms, she interrupted, “Wait, what is a phallic symbol?”
“A phallic symbol,” explained Hardy, “represents the phallus.”
“What’s a phallus?” asked Camilla.
“Well,” said the analyst, “The best way to explain it is to show you.”
He stood up, unzipped his fly and took out his pecker.
“This is a phallus.”
“Oh,” said the girl. “It’s like a prick, only smaller.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
Yo mamma so stupid
yo mamma so stupid, she saw a dolphin and yelled “SHARK!!!!!”
Bumper Sticker #105
Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister.
You’re a redneck … you hit a bump
You’re a redneck if …. You hit a bump in the road and lose half of your
worldly possessions.
Good Girl
What is the difference between a good girl and a nice girl?
A nice girl goes out on a date, goes home, and goes to bed. A good girl goes out on a date, goes to bed, and then goes home.
Compliments at a Bar
A man in a bar is enjoying his drink when he hears a voice say, “You look
great!” He looks around, but there is nobody near him. He hears the voice
again, “No, really, you look just terrific!” Again he looks around.
Nobody! A few minutes pass, and again he hears the voice, “Is that a new
shirt or something…because you look absolutely stunning!” At this point
the man realizes that the voice is coming out of a bowl of nuts on the
bar. “Hey,” the man calls to the barkeep, “what’s with there nuts?” “Oh,”
the bartender answers, “they’re complimentary.”