A man frantically calls 911 and says, “help…my wife has gone into labor and her contractions are 10 minutes apart”.
911: “is this her first child?”.
Man: “Of course not, you idiot…this is her husband”!
Author: admin
More sex
Why do a married man and his single male friend envy each other?
Each one thinks the other is having sex more often.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
YO MOMMA IS SO STUPID…
YOUR MOMMA IS SO STUPID WHEN SHE WORKED AT THE BURGER KING DRIVE-THRU, SHE ASKED, IS THAT ORDER TO STAY OR TO GO
Give an example of tragedy
Winston Peters is visiting a school.
In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a “tragedy”. One little boy stands up and offersthat, “if my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy”.
“No,” Winston says, “That would be an ACCIDENT.”
A girl raises her hand. “If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved… that would be a tragedy”. “I’m afraid not, “explains Winston, “that is what we would call a GREAT LOSS.”
The room is silent, none of the other children volunteer. “What?” asks Winston, “isn’t there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”
Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: “If an airplane carrying Winston Peters was blown up by a bomb, THAT would be a tragedy”.
“Wonderful!” Winston beams. “Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?” “Well,” says the boy, “because it wouldn’t be an accident, and it certainly wouldn’t be a great loss!”
Bin ladin’s camels
How does bin ladin have safe sex?
he marks the camels that kick!
Wrong arm of the law
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
“My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling
articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole
individual for an offense committed by his limb.”
“Well put,” the judge replied. “Using your logic, I sentence the defendant’s
arm to one year’s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.” The
defendant smiled. With his lawyer’s assistance he detached his artificial limb,
laid it on the bench, and walked out.
Sucked into
The White House scandal wasn’t really Bill’s fault.
It was just something he got sucked into.
Lickalotopuss.
Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A: Lickalotopuss.
Sticks And Stones……
sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me!
Worm Eating
Little Johnny sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to collect him, she saw that he was slowly eating a worm. She turned pale. “No, Johnny! Stop! That’s horrible! You can’t eat worms!” Trying to convince him further, “Now the mother worm is looking all over for her nice baby-worm.””No, she isn’t,” said Johnny.”Why not?””Because I ate her first!”
Get Me Another Lawyer
Defendant: Your Honor, I want you to appoint me another lawyer.
Judge: And why is that?
Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn’t interested in my case.
Judge (to Public Defender): Do you have any comments on the defendant’s motion?
Public Defender: I’m sorry, Your Honor. I wasn’t listening.
The creation of the pussy
seven wise men with knowledge so fine
created a pussy to their design
first was a butcher
with smart wit
using a knife he gave it a slit
second was a carpenter
strong and bold
with a hammer and chisel he gave it a hole
third was a tailor
tall and thin
by using red velvet he lined it within
fourth was a hunter
short and stout
using fox fur he lined it without
fifth was a fisherman
nasty as hell
he therew in a fish and gave it a smell
fifth was a preacher
whose name was mcgee
he touched it and blessed it
and said it could pee
last was a sailor
a dirty little runt
he sucked it and fucked it
and called it a cunt
by sarah from newcastle