Author: admin

THINGS go better with Coke

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An airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa had a malfunction, and went down. A few weeks later, the Pepsi Company sent a rescue plane. They searched the area and found a tribe of cannibals.

They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash.

The Chief said, “You betcha!”

When asked where the crew was, the Chief replied, “We ate the crew, and we drank the Pepsi.”

The Rescue crew were shocked. One man asked, “Did you eat their legs?”

The chief replied, “We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi.”

Another rescuer asked, “Did you eat their arms?”

The Chief replied, “We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi.”

After looking totally perplexed for a minute, a third asked, “Did you…you know…eat, their…’things’?”

The chief says, “No.”

“No?” asked the rescuer.

“No,” replied the Chief, “THINGS go better with Coke.”

Dogs same as Men

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How Dogs and Men Are the Same

1. Both take up too much space on the bed.

2. Both have irrational fears about vacuuming.

3. Both mark their territory.

4. Neither tells you what’s bothering them.

5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.

6. Neither does any dishes.

7. Neither notice when you get your hair cut.

8. Both like dominance games.

9. Both are suspicious of the postman.

12. Neither understands what you see in cats.

The Recruits

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Ten Recruits had just arrived at the training camp and were lined up for inspection.

“Hey johnson!” yelled the drill instructor, ” those are the ugliest shoes i’ve ever seen! “
“Yes, sir” the young man answered.

“Those shoes are really really ugly, right?” hollered the D.I again
“Yes, sir!”

“And that hair- dont they have barbershops where you came from?”
“Yes, sir”, answered the recruit.
“So why didnt you get a haircut?”
“I was saving up for shoes, sir!”

Just The Treatment

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A young mother was having a consultation with a doctor.

As they spoke, her Little Johnny could clearly be heard terrorizing the people in the waiting room – yet she made no attempt to restrain him.

Soon they heard some clattering in an adjoining room, but still she did nothing.

Finally, after an extra-loud crash, the woman casually told the doctor, “I hope you don’t mind my Little Johnny playing in there.”

“No, not at all,” said the doctor calmly. “Not at all. I’m sure he’ll calm down as soon as he finds the poison.”

Blonde gets coffee

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A blonde was recently hired at the office. Her first task was to go out for coffee. Eager to prove her worth to her new bosses, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to the nearby coffee shop. She held up the thermos so that thecounterman could view it, and she asked, “Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?” The counterman looked at the thermos and replied, “Yes. It looks like about six cups to me.” “Oh good!” the blonde sighed in relief. “Give me three regular, one black, and two decaf.”

Descubre cu�l es el tuyo:

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Descubre cu�l es el tuyo:

Salario cebolla: lo agarras, lo ves y lloras.

Salario canalla: no te ayuda en nada; s�lo te hace sufrir, pero no puedes vivir sin �l.

Salario futbol: es una cajita de sorpresas.

Salario preservativo: hasta te quita las ganas.

Salario impotente: cuando m�s lo necesitas, te decepciona.

Salario dieta: con �l comes cada d�a menos.

Salario ateo: prefieres no creer en esa paga.

Salario precoz: cuando entra, ya acab�.

Salario menstruaci�n: viene una vez por mes y dura menos de una semana.

Salario humor negro: preferible re�r para no llorar.

Redneck Tests

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Do you qualify to be a redneck? Find out below! * You might be a redneck if your toilet paper has page numbers on it! * You might be a redneck if you’re considered an expert on worm beds! * You might be a redneck if you recycle motor oil by moving it from the car to the truck! * You might be a redneck if you sell your car for gas money. * You might be a redneck if your wife wears the same underwear as you do. * You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard! * You might be a redneck if there has ever been a crime scene tape across your bathroom door! * You might be a redneck if you believe books are bad luck! * You might be a redneck if rather than drinking the sacramental wine at church you bring your own! * You might be a redneck if the most common phrase in your house is, “Someone go jiggle the handle.” * You might be a redneck if one of your kids was born on a pool table! * You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves shoes and a flashlight. * You might be redneck if your house has more miles on it than your car! * You might be a redneck if your wife repeatedly has to tell you to take your transmission off the table! * You might be a redneck if you learned to drive in a monster truck! * You might be a redneck if “Bambi” made you hungry for rabbit! * You might be a redneck if you believe All-Star Wrestling! * You might be a redneck if you recycle motor oil by moving it from the car to the truck!

Why was I Named That?

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A Native American decendant walked up to his mother one evening
and asked her, “Mother, why is my eldest sister named what she
is named?”

His mother replied, “When I had your eldest sister, I saw
outside a deer drinking from water. So I named her Deer Drinking
From Water.”

“Oh,” said the boy. “And why did you name my youngest sister
what you named her?”

His mother said, “When I had your youngest sister, I looked
outside and saw a bird with a twig in her beak, so I named her
Bird With a Twig in Her Beak. Why do you ask, Bull Shitting in
the Forest?”