Yours Fun Portal !
An old submariner was sitting on a bench at the mall.
A young man walked up to the bench and sat down.
He has spiked hair in all different colors, green, orange, blue, purple.
The submariner just stared.
The young man said sarcastically, “What’s the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?”
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, “Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot, I was just wondering if you were my son.”
Submitted by BreeBrown
Edited by Curtis
A blonde went into a pizza parlor. When she said that she’d like a medium
pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces she’d like to have it cut into:
six or twelve. “Six please,” said the blonde, “I can’t finish twelve.”
Two ladies were waiting for a bus.One was a red head and the
other was a blonde. The red head really admired the blonde’s
hairstyle and asked ” Who did your hair, it looks spectacular!”
The blonde smiled as she responded ” His name Lou but everybody
calls him ‘Headz’. Getting my hair done by him was a jaw
dropping experience.” Interested, the red head got Lou’s number
from the blonde, so she can have such an extravagant hair
design. She set’s an appointment for tuesday, because that was
the day she was going to visit her mom.
When she found Lou’s shop , it was in a quiet, discreet area.
She walked in the shop and noticed that there was no chairs. As
she stands at the door, a handsome man comes out of the corner
on the other side of the shop. The red head says “Hello, my
names Sianne and I’m here for an appointment” The man points to
a blue sitting pillow and tells her sit on her knees. Excited,
Sianne sits down on her knees, and waits to be serviced. The man
grabs a pair of scissors. He stands in front of her with his
private in front of her face.
He gets a boner, it pops out of his pants and immediately into
her mouth. He goes through a spasmic orgasm and starts cutting
her hair. When she manages to get his dick out her throat,
before she could get up, he cums all over her hair.
After that, Sianne rises up off of the pillow, and runs out of
the door with her mouth wide open. Lou, follows his client,
watches her throw up the cum all over the sidewalk and hands her
a mirror. When she looked, her jaw surely did drop.,
Q: Why did George W. Bush cross the road?
A: I don’t know and neither does he!
10. He’s replaced all the elves with scantily clad Swedish exchange students
9. Mrs. Claus calls him “that fat freak in the red underwear”
8. He traded in his sleigh for a van with a waterbed
7. He’s been spending a little too much time with the life-sized Holiday Barbie
6. His new live-in personal elf valet, Steve
5. Mrs. Claus having cybersex relationship with accountant from New Jersey
4. He knows when she’s been sleeping, he knows when she’s awake, because he’s bugged the bedroom
3. Lately, she keeps “forgetting” to tie her robe when she brings the elves their morning coffee
2. Stockings aren’t the only things he’s been nailing in front of the fireplace
1. Not a creature is stirring in Santa’s pants……
The teacher asked the children in her class, what they want to be when they grow up.
“I want to be an actress,” Susie says.
“Good girl, Susie.”
“I want to be an astronaut,” Cliff says.
“Good boy, Cliff.”
“And I want to be a sex therapist,” Little Johnny yells out.
“Would you please tell the class how you think your job is going to be like?”
“Okay, Miss. Look out of the window. Three women are walking down the street, eating ice cream. One is licking, one is sucking, and one is biting. Would you please tell the class which one is married?”
“Get out of the class, Johnny, and come back with your parents!”
Johnny returns and is asked to explain what he has just said, to which he replies…
“The one that is married, is the one that has a wedding ring and it is people like you, Miss, that I am going to treat.”
You are so small that when it rains, you are the last to know.
why did the blonde take a latter to the bar ?
because she heard the drinks where on the house
Back in the good ole days in Texas, when stagecoaches and the like were popular, there were three people in a stagecoach one day: a true red-blooded born-and-raised Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city-slicker from back East, and a beautiful and well-endowed Texas lady.The city-slicker kept eyeing the lady, and finally he leaned forward and said, “Lady, I’ll give you $10 for a blow job.”The Texas gentleman looked appalled, pulled out his pistol, and killed the city slicker on the spot.The lady gasped and said, “Thank you, suh, for defendin’ mah honor!”Whereupon the Texan holstered his gun and said, “Your honor, hell! No tenderfoot from back east is gonna raise the price of a woman in Texas!”
A blonde died meets St. Peter at the Pearly Gate.
Saint Peter: If you can tell me what God’s son’s name is I will
let you into Heaven.
Blonde: (Looking stunned) …Oh I know! Andy!
Saint Peter: What?!
Blonde: Andy walks with me. Andy talks with me.
Little Johnny was a very good student in school. He always got
good grades, and was very polite. But one day, little Johnny had
a change of mind.
It was a cold Fall morning. As usual, Johnny and his friends
were goofing around at school in their class. They were making
funny faces, and those unpleasant noises. The teacher didn’t
like their little ideas, so she said, “Johnny, boys, stop
messing around!” And they still messed around. “Boys! Stop!” And
they continued making faces and goofing off. “BOYS!!” she said.
“Yes, teacher?” they all said. “You mustn’t make those faces.
Your faces may stick that way.” They sit there for a minute,
with puzzled looks on their faces. After a minute or two, little
Johnny said, “I guess you’ve learned that lesson the hard way,
huh teacher?”
A tourist is walking down an alley in Mexico. Wanting to know
the time, he walks up to a mexican who is sitting on the ground
next to a donkey. “Do you know what time it is.” asks the
tourist. The mexican raises his arm, lifts up the donkeys’ balls
and says, “It’s about two thirty”. A little confused, The man
continues on his way. A little while later the tourist returns,
with the same question. The mexican again raises his arm, lifts
up the donkeys’ balls and says “It’s about five twenty”.
Astonished, the tourist can’t help but ask how he did it. The
mexican again raises his arm, lifts up the donkeys’ balls and
points, “Do you see that clock over there….?”.