If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
Author: admin
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN
1. Oktoberfest.
2. Wonderful sense of humor.
3. Oktoberfest.
4. World’s largest manufacturer of beach towels.
5. Oktoberfest.
6. Sausages.
7. Oktoberfest.
8. Oktoberfest.
9. Oktoberfest.
10. Innate pacifism.
Target
This little guy is sitting in a bar, drinking and minding his own business.
When all of a sudden a great big guy comes in and�bang!�knocks him clean off the barstool and onto the floor.
The big guy says, �That was a karate chop from Korea.�
The little guy gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden�bang!�the big guy knocks him down again, this time saying, �That was a judo chop from Japan.�
Deciding he�s had enough of this, the little guy gets up, brushes himself off and leaves the premises.
He�s gone for an hour before he returns and�crash!�he knocks the big guy right off his stool to the ground, where he lies unconscious.
The little guy looks at the bartender and says, �When that big jackass comes to, you can tell him that was a tyre iron�from Target.�
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Three Strings Walk Into the Bar
There were three strings that walked into the bar. They sat down and they didn’t get waited on so the first string walked up to the bar and asked for three beers. The bartender said, ”I’m sorry buddy we don’t serve strings in here.” The string walks back to the table and and tells his friends what the bartender said. ”I’ve been here before and gotten a drink, I’ll go get us something to drink,” said the second string. The second sting walks up to the bar and politely asks the bartender for three beers. The bartender says, ”I thought I told your buddy we don’t serve strings in here.” So the second string walks back and and tells his friends what has happened. The thrid string says ”Oh, I come in here all the time, I know how to order something to drink” The third sting walks to the restroom where he ties himself up and muffs up his end. He then walks out to the bar and asks the bartender for three beers. The bartender kind of looks at him weird and says, ”You a string?” ”Frayed knot,” he replies.
In case you miss.
Q. Why do women have two holes so close together?
A. In case you miss.
Church Signs
1. The best vitamin for a Christian is B1. 2. Under same management for over 2,000 years. 3. Soul food served here. 4. Tithe if you love Jesus! Anyone can honk. 5. You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving. 6. Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday! 7. Don’t wait for the hearse to take you to church. 8. We should be more concerned with the Rock Of Ages, instead of the age of rock. 9. Don’t give up. Moses was once a basket case! 10. Come early for a good seat in the back. 11. Life has many choices! Eternity has two. What’s yours? 12. Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due. 13. A man’s character is like a fence. It cannot be strengthened by whitewash. 14. K-mart isn’t the only saving place! 15. Preach the gospel at all times … Use words only if necessary. 16. Delay is preferable to error. 17. It’s hard to stumble when you’re on your knees. 18. What part of “THOU SHALT NOT” don’t you understand? 19. A clear conscience makes a soft pillow. 20. The wages of sin is death. Repent before payday! 21. Never give the devil a ride. He will always want to drive. 22. Can’t sleep? Try counting your blessings. 23. Forbidden fruit creates many jams. 24. May is God’s apology for February. 25. To belittle is to be little. 26. Don’t let the littleness in others bring out the littleness in you. 27. God answers knee mail. 28. Try Jesus. If you don’t like Him, the devil will always take you back.
I LIKE MY WOMEN THE WAY I LIKE MY COFFEE…..
I LIKE MY WOMEN THE WAY I LIKE MY COFFEE……
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…bitter”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…strong enough to stand a
spoon in.”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…first thing in the morning.”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…hot and black”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…no artificial sweeteners”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…chewy”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…IN BED”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…50 cents, free refills”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…to the last drop”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…filled to the rim”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…Chock full o’ nuts”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…dribbling down my chin”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…scalding the roof of my
mouth when my brother pulls away too fast when the light turns green”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…freshly ground”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…from behind!”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…in a mug!”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…in Twin Peaks”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…Jamaican and blue”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…kept hot in a Thermos”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…dressed up in a Catholic
schoolgirl’s uniform”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…sweet and low”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…with donuts!!”
What do you call an
What do you call an [enthnic] in a limousine?
– A Chauffeur.
Peoms For Drunks
More like: Peoms that are sung by drunks;
Doh! A beer! I want a beer….
Ray, the guy who buys me beer.
Me, the guy who Ray buys beer…
Far, the way to go for beer.
So, I think I’ll have a beer…
La, la la la la la la.
Tea? No thanks I’ll have a beer…
And that brings us back to Doh! doh! doh! doh!
Redneck computer term
Mouse pad – Where Mickey and Minnie live.
UR MOMMA BY ASHLEY
Your momma is so poor she lit a match and the roches started to sing, “CLAP YOUR HANDS STOMP YOUR FEET THANK THE LORD THAT WE HAVE HEAT”~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!
The Lying Cop
A guy gets pulled over for speeding 88 MPH in a 45 zone. The cop
askes for his drivers license and the guy says, “I’m sorry
officer, but my license was suspended after my 5th DUI.”
The cop askes for his registration and the guy says, “It’s in
the glove compartment, but it’s not in my name because I stole
this car in a car jacking and I killed the woman that owns the
car and stuffed her in the trunk and the gun I used is in the
glove compartment. At this point the cop tells the guy to keep
his hands in sight and he radios for back-up.
When a supervisor shows up, the cop tells him the story and he
walks up to the guy in the car. The supervisor asks to see the
guy’s drivers license and the guy hands it over and it is valid
with the guys real name and information.
The supervisor asks for the registration and the guy says, “It’s
in the Glove compartment.” The supervisor tells the guy to keep
his hands in sight and walks around to the passenger side and
opens the glove compartment. There is the registration in the
guys name and everything seems in order.
Next the supervisor asks the guy to get out and open the trunk.
The guy opens the trunk and the only thing there is a spare tire.
At this point the supervisor tells the guy what the other cop
had told him. The guy says “I’ll bet that lying S.O.B. told you
I was speeding too!”