Top Ten List of Silliest Questions asked on a Cruise Ship

Top Ten List of Silliest Questions asked on a Cruise Ship by Paul Grayson, Cruise Director for the Royal Caribbean Cruise Line’s Sovereign of the Seas Cruise Ship – 1998

10. Do these steps go up or down?

9. What do you do with the beautiful ice carvings after they melt?

8. Which elevator do I take to get to the front of the ship?

7. Does the crew sleep on the ship?

6. Is this island completely surrounded by water?

5. Does the ship make its own electricity?

4. Is it salt water in the toilets?

3. What elevation are we at?

2. There’s a photographer on board who takes photos and displays them the next day… the question asked…If the pictures aren’t marked, how will I know which ones are mine?

1. What time is the Midnight Buffet being served?

Take Two

A little boy was watching a handyman at work on the upper story of a house.
Suddenly the man drops a hammer, and comes down the ladder to retrieve it.

The little boy calls out, “My daddy would have two hammers so he wouldn’t have
to come the ladder when he dropped one.”

The handyman says, “Yeah, that’s great, kid”, and climbs back up the ladder
and returns to work. Within a few minutes, he drops his screwdriver, and comes
back down the ladder.

The little boy calls out again, “My daddy would have two screwdrivers so he
wouldn’t have to come the ladder when he dropped one.”

The handyman mutters something and returns up the ladder. A few minutes later,
the man realizes he has to go to the bathroom. Unfortunately, he has no way into
the house, so he climbs down the ladder and goes behind a bush.

When he’s finishing up, he notices that the little boy has followed him. “I
suppose your daddy has two of these too?” he asked.

“Nope,” says the little boy, “but my daddy’s is twice as big!”

The Smart Clerk!

A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a dept. store and asks –
“W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?”

The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.

The man repeats himself: “W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?”
Again, the clerk doesn`t answer him.

The guy asks several more times: “W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?” And the clerk just seems to ignore him.
Finally, the guy is angry and storms off.

The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, “why wouldn`t you answer that guy’s question?”

The clerk answers, “D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!”

Stranded on a desert island

A guy is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck on the horizon. He thinks to himself, “It’s not a ship.” The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, “It’s not a boat.” The speck gets even closer and he thinks, “It’s not a raft.” Then, out of the surf comes a gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.She comes up to the guy and says, “How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?””Ten years!”, he says.She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, “Man, oh man! Is that good!”Then she asks, “How long has it been since you’ve had a drink of whiskey?”He replies, “Ten years!”She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.He takes a long swig and says, “Wow, that’s fantastic!”Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, “And how long has it been since you’ve had some REAL fun?”And the man replies, “My God! Don’t tell me that you’ve got golf clubs in there!”

Dogs same as Men

How Dogs and Men Are the Same1. Both take up too much space on the bed.2. Both have irrational fears about vacuuming.3. Both mark their territory.4. Neither tells you what’s bothering them.5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.6. Neither does any dishes.7. Neither notice when you get your hair cut.8. Both like dominance games.9. Both are suspicious of the postman.12. Neither understands what you see in cats.

Knock Knock 185

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Vassar girl!
Vassar girl who?
Vassar girl like you doing in a place like this?

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Vaughan!
Vaughan who?
Vaughan day my prince will come!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Veal chop!
Veal chop who?
Veal chop for some new clothes!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Vera!
Vera who?
Vera all the flowers gone…!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Verdi!
Verdi who?
Verdi been all day!

Apple Pie and BBs

One day Mary, a mom of 3, was making a pie for her kids. Johnny was 5, steve was 10, and Cortez was 15. Steve had a BB gun and left the box of BBs on on the kitchen table. While Mary was cooking the pie she turned and the box of BBs fell into the pie mix. She decided not to worry about and left them in without tell her children. After dinner, the desert was the pie and every kid had 2 pieces. The next day when they got home johnny went to his mom and say that he peed out little silver balls and Mary told him not to worry about it. Then steve came to her and said the same thing and she told him not to worry about it. Then Cortez came to mary and mary said, “let me guess, you peed out little silver balls.” and Cortez said, “No i was jacking off in the kitchen and i think i killed the dog!”.

Natural

There was a small building with two rooms. Inside the first
room, there was a young man, inside the other room there were 4
young women. One woman had brown hair, she walks into the other
room and the young man says,”you have beautiful brown hair.” The
girl says,” thank you its sooo natural.” and runs her fingers
through her hair. the second woman has blonde hair. She goes in
the room and the same thing happens. The third woman has red
hair. She goes into the room and the same thing happens. the
fourth woman has green hair. She walks into the room and the guy
says,” um…you have lovly green hair.” She sneezez on her hand,
runs her fingers thorugh her hair and says,” its soo natural!!”