Derrick L. Richards, 28, was charged in April in Minneapolis with
third-degree murder in the death of his beloved cousin, Kenneth E.
Richards. According to police, Derrick suggested a game of Russian
roulette and put a semiautomatic pistol to Ken’s head instead of a
revolver.
Author: admin
Smart-Ass Cop
Two guys are driving through Alabama when they get pulled over by a state trooper.
The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick.
The driver says, “Why’d you do that?”
The trooper says, “You’re in Alabama, son. When I pull you over you’ll have your license ready.”
Driver says, “I’m sorry, officer, I’m not from around here.”
The trooper runs a check on the guy’s license, and he’s clean. He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window.
The passenger rolls his window down, and the trooper smacks him with the nightstick.
The passenger says, “What’d you do that for?”
The cop says, “Just making your wishes come true.”
The passenger says, “Huh?”
The cop says, “I know that two miles down the road you’re gonna say, ‘I wish that jerk would’ve tried that shit with me.'”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Coffee Time
Q: How does Mrs. Abdul Jabbar like her coffee?
A: With Kareem!!!
Q: What does it say, on great Hawaiian singer, Don’s mail box?
A: The Ho House!!!
Divorce
Post-graduate in School of Love.
The phone call…
The phone call…
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (a blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said,
“How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!” and hung up.
Curious, the husband said, “Who was that?”
And his lovely wife replies, “I don’t any idea who it was.
It was some stupid woman wanting to know “if the coast is clear.”
The Top 15 Worst Names for Boats
15> Hazelwood’s Party Pad
14> The Gerald Fitzedmund
13> The Absolutely, Positively, Iron-Clad-Guarantee, Zero-Possibility-Of-Error Unsinkable Just-Made-the-Final-Payment
12> The www.MakeMoneyFromBelowDeck.com
11> Osama bin Sailin’!
10> U.S.S. Shirley Shirley bo birley banana fana fo firley me mi mo mirley… SHIRLEY!
9> The Compensator
8> Jenna, the Girl I Dated in High School Who Gave Me Herpes and Cheated on Me With My Dad’s Best Friend
7> The Havana Ferry
6> *NSINK
5> Carrie Ingillegalimigrantsanddrugsininternationalwaters
4> H.M.S. Chum Bucket
3> Ignore This Distress Call
2> James Cameron’s Wet Dream
1> The #13 Unsinkable Kennedy 666
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
Knock KnockWho’s there?Alfred!Alfred who!Alfred of
Knock KnockWho’s there?Alfred!Alfred who!Alfred of the dark!
The Preacher and the Music Director
There was a church where the preacher and the minister of music
were not getting along. As time went by this began to spill over
into the worship service.
The first week the preacher preached on commitment and how we
all should dedicate ourselves to the service of God. The music
director lead the song, “I Shall not be Moved.”
The second week the preacher preached on tithing and how we all
should gladly give to the work of the Lord. The director lead
the song, “Jesus Paid it All.”
The third week the preacher preached on gossiping and how we
should all watch our tongues. The music director led the song,
“I Love to Tell the Story.”
With all this going on, the preacher became very disgusted over
the situation and the following Sunday told the congregation
that he was considering resigning. The musician lead the song,
“Oh Why Not Tonight?”
As it came to pass, the preacher did indeed resign. The next
week he informed the church that it was Jesus who led him there
and it was Jesus that was taking him away. The music leader lead
the song, “What a Friend We Have in Jesus.”
Give a Man a Fish…
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day;Teach him to use the Internet, and he won’t bother you for weeks!
Jewish Phone Call
An Old Jewish Man Is Talking Long-Distance To California When All Of A Sudden He Gets Cut Off. He Hollers, “Operator, Giff Me Beck The Party!”
She Says, “I’m Sorry Sir, You’ll Have To Make The Call All Over Again.”
He Says, “What Do You Want From My Life? Giff Me Beck Da Party.”
She Says, “I’m Sorry Sir, You’ll Have To Place The Call Again.”
He Says, “Operator, Ya Know Vat? Take Da Telephone And Shove It In You-Know-Vere!”
And He Hangs Up. Two Days Later He Opens The Door And There Are Two Big, Strapping Guys Standing There Who Say, “We Came To Take Your Telephone Out.”
He Says, “Vy?”
They Say, “Because You Insulted Operator 28 Two Days Ago. But If You’d Like To Call Up And Apologize, We’ll Leave The Telephone Here.”
He Says, “Vait A Minute, Vat’s Da Rush, Vat’s Da Hurry?”
He Goes To The Telephone And Dials. “Hello? Get Me Operator 28. Hello, Operator 28? Remember Me? Two Days Ago I Insulted You? I Told You To Take Da Telephone And Shove It In You-Know-Vere?”
She Says, “Yes?” He Says, “Vell, Get Ready — Dey’re Bringin’ It To Ya!”
Chemistry song 17
Silver Nitrate(to the tune of “Silver Bells”)Silver nitrate, silver nitrateit’s chemistry time in the labDing-a-ling, with a copper ringsoon it will be chemistry day.Take your nitrate, in solutionAdd your copper with styleIn the beaker there’s a feeling of reactionssilver forming, blue solutionBringing ooh’s ah’s and wowsnow the data procesing begins.Get the mass, change to moleswhat is the ratio with copper?Write an equation, balance itwe’re glad it’s Chemistry Day.
You can’t win…
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you’re a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework, you’re a sissy.
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don’t work enough, you’re a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favouritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it’s equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it’s sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it’s male indifference.
If you cry, you’re a wimp. If you don’t, you’re an insensitive bastard.
If you thump her, it’s wife bashing. If she thumps you, it’s self defence.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you’re a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she’s a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy, that’s domination. If she asks you, it’s a favour.
If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you’re a pervert. If you don’t, you’re a fag.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you’re sexist. If you don’t, you’re unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you’re vain. If you don’t, you’re a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you’re after something. If you don’t, you’re not thoughtful.
If you’re proud of your achievements, you’re up yourself. If you don’t, you’re not ambitious enough.
If she has a headache, she’s tired. If you have a headache, you don’t love her anymore.
If you want it too often, you’re oversexed. If you don’t, there must be someone else.