Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?A: “What’s a lightbulb?”
Author: admin
Un tipo entra a un
Un tipo entra a un bar del centro y revisa la lista de precios:
S�ndwich de queso:………………………..$16.00
S�ndwich de pollo:………………………….$18.00
S�ndwich de jam�n:………………………..$18.00
Masturbaci�n:…………………………………$500.00
Revisa entonces su billetera, retira el dinero y se acerca a la barra. Le atiende una de las tres bellas chicas que est�n sirviendo tragos a un grupo de hombres en la barra.
“�S�?”, pregunta ella con una sensual sonrisa, “�puedo servirle en algo?”
“�T� realizas las masturbaciones?”
“Si, soy yo”, responde ella con una voz baja y extremadamente sexy.
“Entonces l�vate muy bien las manos y s�rveme un s�ndwich de queso.
Clinton Strikes again
The Secret Service got a real scare the other day when someone threw a beer at Bill Clinton during his morning jog.
Fortunately, it was a draft, so he was able to dodge it.
Bill Gates in Hell
Bill Gates dies and goes to hell.
Satan greets him: “Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you’ve got me in a good mood, I’ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you’ll be locked up forever.”
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions.
Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a Beautiful young blonde with an alluring look on her face, sitting at a table on which there is a bottle of the finest wine. To Bill’s delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says, “I’ll take this option.”
“Fine,” says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.
“That was Bill Gates!” cried Lucifer. “Why did you give him the best place of all!”
“That’s what everyone thinks,” snickered Satan. “The bottle has a hole in it and the girl hasn’t…”
“What about the PC?”
“It’s got Windows 95!” laughed Satan. “And it’s missing three keys.”
“Which three?”
“Control, Alt and Delete.”
Computer Support Pro
COMPUTER PROBLEM REPORT FORM:1. Describe your problem: __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________2. Now, describe the problem accurately: __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem: __________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________4. Problem severity: A. Minor B. Minor C. Minor D. Trivial5. Nature of the problem: A. ___Locked Up B. ___Frozen C. ___Hung D. ___Strange Smell6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes __ No __7. Is it turned on? Yes __ No __8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes __ No __9. Have you made it worse? Yes __10. Have you had a friend who “knows all about computers ” try to fix it for you? Yes__ No__11. Did they make it even worse? Yes __12. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__13. Are you sure you’ve read the manual? Maybe __ No__14. Are you absolutely certain you’ve read the manual? No__15. If you read the manual, do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__16. If ‘Yes’ then explain why you can’t fix the problem yourself: __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________17. What were you doing with your computer when the problem occurred? __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________18. If you answered ‘nothing’ then explain why you were logged in: ___________________________________________________ __________________________________________________19. Are you sure that you aren’t imagining the problem? Yes__ No__20. Does the clock on your VCR blink 12:00? Yes__ What’s a VCR__21. Do you have a copy of ‘PCs for Dummies’? Yes__ No__22. Do you have any independent witnesses to the problem? Yes__ No__23. Do you have any electronic products that DO work? Yes __ No__24. Is there anyone else that you could blame this problem on? Yes__ No__25. Have you given the machine a good whack on the top? Yes__ No__26. Is the machine on fire? Yes__ Not Yet __
2 brain cells
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.
Q: How many Australians does
Q: How many Australians does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Two–one to say “She’ll be right mate” and one to fetch the beers.
Your Mama so Fat
Your Mama so fat the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs
Q: How many netters
Q: How many netters does it take to submit a light bulb joke?A: 2, 1 to do it and 1 to read this huge file first to check it hasn’t been done already !
Plus a constant
Two mathematicians are in a bar. The first one says to the second that the
average person knows very little about basic mathematics. The second one
disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of
math.
The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the
second calls over the waitress. He tells her that in a few minutes, after his
friend has returned, he will call her over and ask her a question. All she has
to do is answer “one third x cubed.”
She repeats “one third — dex cue”?
He repeats “one third x cubed”.
She asks, “one thir dex cuebd?”
“Yes, that’s right,” he says.
So she agrees, and goes off mumbling to herself, “one thir dex cuebd…”.
The first guy returns and the second proposes a bet to prove his point, that
most people do know something about basic math. He says he will ask the blonde
waitress an integral, and the first laughingly agrees. The second man calls over
the waitress and asks “what is the integral of x squared?�
The waitress says “one third x cubed” and while walking away, turns back and
says over her shoulder “plus a constant!”
The recognition
One evening, three gay guys were discussing what they thought their favorite
sport would be. The first decides on football, because of all those gorgeous
guys bending over in their tight pants.
“Definitely wrestling,” sighs the second gay guy. “Those skimpy little
costumes, and think of the holds!”
“Definitely baseball,” says the third gay guy.
“Why?” asked the other two guys.
Well, I’d be pitching with the bases loaded, the batter would hit a line drive
right to me. I’d catch it, and I’d just stand there while the other guys rounded
the bases. Meanwhile, the crowd would be going crazy, screaming, ‘Throw the
ball, you c**k-sucker!’ And, that’s what I like – The recognition.”
Dead Frog on a String
One day, a 12 year old boy walks into a whorehouse dragging a
dead frog on a string. He stomps up to the counter and says to
the madam, “I wanna woman.”
“I’m sorry,” she says, “but we don’t let boys your age have a
woman.” The little boy slams a hundred dollar bill down on the
counter and says, “I wanna woman!” So the madam asks him what
kind of woman he wants.
“A skanky one,” he replies. “I want her to have AIDS, Syphilis,
crabs, the works. I want the nastiest whore in the place.”
Offended, the madam says, “We don’t have women like that here.”
So the boy slams another hundred down, and the madam points to a
room down the hall and says “last door on the right.”
The boy walks down the hall, dragging his dead frog on a string,
and goes into the room. He screws the hell out of the woman, and
then leaves (still dragging his dead frog on a string). Just as
he’s getting ready to leave, the madam calls him over and asks
why on earth he would want someone so nasty.
“Well, it’s like this,” he says, “I’m gonna go home about seven
o’clock tonight, and I’m gonna have sex with my babysitter. Then
when mom and dad come home about nine o’ clock, dad’s gonna take
the babysitter home, and he’s gonna screw her. Then dad’s gonna
come home, and him and mom are gonna go to bed, and they’ll
screw. In the morning, dad will leave for work, and the milkman
will stop by, and mom will have sex with him. Now here’s where
it all comes down you see!! I’m gonna really get him, because
the milkman is the one that killed my damn frog!!”