Knock knock.
who’s there?
meat.
meat who?
meat me on the porch.
Author: admin
“Opened a can of corn instead.”
Two ladies, who hadn’t seen each other in
quite some time, met at the supermarket.
“How are you, Helen?”
“Fine.”
“And your husband?”
“Oh, Karl died two weeks ago.”
“What? I hadn’t heard. What happened?”
“He went out in the garden to dig up a cabbage
for dinner, had a heart attack and fell over, dead.”
“I’m sorry. What did you do?”
“Opened a can of corn instead.”
Dancing
A couple preparing for a religious conversion meets with the
orthodox rabbi for their final session. The rabbi asks if they
have any final questions.
The man asks, “Is it true that men and women don’t dance
together?”
“Yes,” says the rabbi. “For modesty reasons, men and women dance
separately.”
“So I can’t dance with my own wife?”
“No.”
“Well, what about sex?” asks the man.
“Fine,” says the rabbi. “A mitzvah within the marriage!”
“What about different positions?” the man asks.
“No problem,” says the rabbi.
“Woman on top?” the man asks.
“Why not?” replies the rabbi.
“How about doggie-style?”
“Of course!”
“Well, what about standing up?”
“NO!” says the rabbi….
“Why Not?” asks the man.
“Could lead to dancing!”
Puzzle
One morning this blonde calls her friend and says “Please come over and help
me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to start it.”
Her friend asks “What is it a puzzle of?”
The blonde says “From the picture on the box, it’s a
Tiger.”
The blonde’s friend figures that he’s pretty good at
Puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him
to where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, and then studies the box.
He then turns to her and says: “First, no matter what I do,I’m not going to be
able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger.
Second, I’d advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these
Kellogg�s Frosted Flakes back in the box.”Blondes Love Hunters.
Yo mama is so skinny
Yo mama so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio
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Fiddle fart
A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight.
She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune. So, she thought to herself “I’ll give it a try just to see what it tells me.”
She went over to the machine and put her nickel in, and out came a card that said, “You’re a nun you weigh 128lbs and you are going to Chicago, Illinois.”
She sat back down and thought about it. She told herself it probably tells everyone the same thing, but decided to try it again.
She went back to the machine and put her nickel in. Out came a card read, “You’re a nun, you weigh 128lbs you’re going to Chicago, Illinois and you are going to play a fiddle.”
The nun said to herself, “I know that’s wrong, I have never played a musical instrument a day in my life.” She sat back down.
From nowhere a Cowboy came over and set his fiddle case down next to her. The nun picked up the fiddle and just started playing beautiful music.
Startled, she looked back at the machine and said, “This is incredible. I’ve got to try it again.”
Back to the machine, she put her nickel in and another card came out. It said, “You’re a nun, you weigh 128lbs, you’re going to Chicago, Illinois and you’re going to break wind.
Now, the nun knows the machine is wrong; “I’ve never broke wind in public a day in my life!” Well, she tripped, fell off the scales and broke wind.
Stunned, she sat back down and looked at the machine. She said to herself, “This is truly unbelievable! I’ve got to try it again.”
She went back to the machine, put her nickel in and collected the card.
It said, “You’re a nun, you weigh 128lbs, you have fiddled and farted around and missed your flight to Chicago!!!!!!”
Submitted by Curtis
POLITICAL Advice from the ancients
ADVICE FROM THE ANCIENTS….. Bill Clinton went jogging one morning last week to clear his head and think about his troubles. He came upon the Washington monument and paused. Looking up he said, ‘George, what should I do?’ After a few seconds George replied, ‘Abolish the IRS and start over.’ Bill thought about this for a few seconds and continued jogging. Shortly he came upon the Jefferson Memorial and stopped. He said ‘Tom, what should I do?’ After a few seconds Tom replied, ‘Abolish welfare and start over.’ Bill continued jogging after thinking about this and came upon the Lincoln Memorial. He said, ‘Abe, what should I do?’ After a few seconds Abe replied ‘Why don’t you take the night off and go to the theater?’
Yesterday’s Paper
“What’s the date today?” asks a blonde.
“I don’t know. You’ve got a newspaper in your hands. Why don’t
you look at it?”
“That wouldn’t do any good, it’s yesterday’s paper.”
What were you doing at that time?
Attorney: Do you know how far you are pregnant now?
Witness: I’ll be three months on November 8.
Attorney: Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: What were you doing at the time?
I heard that people are getting laid off at…
I heard that people are getting laid off at IBM. I bet they open
their pay envelopes and find, “This paycheck intentionally left
blank”.
T.V. Mama
Yo mama so dumb she sat on the TV and watched the couch.